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for Crown of Life

12/16/2020 c15 34ScribeofHeroes
Awwww ... Opening makes me think of a scene from a certain, old Disney movie.

Oh, that was an interesting first hint things were over, should have been obvious, but I was confused at first. I've heard endings, or maybe it was twists, should feel unexpected, but inevitable and that's what the crown slipping off Lucy's head felt like.

It's so sad Lucy has to wish the Telar lost, so Susan can live.

Is that a reference to even older versions of the tale of Snow White? By the way I think Susan is a lovely choice for a stand-in for Snow White.

And these dwarves know who to thank.

That is something I would probably ask myself in the same scenario, Edmund.

That is such a very hard line Peter walks ...

(Sigh) And Oreius still cares for his kings after everything that has happened, he can still reach out and think of them ...

Ah, Edmund, thank you for being so truthful.

LOL. Only in Narnia does that make sense.

Oh, there's the grumpy patient I expected ... :)

Awww ... Our boys helping each other like that. How is it they are both manly and cute doing that?

Oh, poor Susan had to soothe tears before she could even get answers about their current situation.

Susan's response to that would probably be mine.

Lucy's response would probably be mine too.

Well, the names sound very Narnian for dwarves and the descriptions remind me of another story ...

Oh yes, Eartaxe and Lucy should get on well together. :)

Oh my, when rulers through their weight around ...

Oh Edmund, I hope he didn't hurt the female Bear's feelings too much.

Okay the next sentence helped with that a lot ...

I'm glad Edmund seems to be doing better.

Yes, I think Peter and Edmund are both feeling much better now. :)

I wonder if when Susan chose that color scheme for her clothing it occurred to her she might be running through a forest in it. :)

Of course that would be the first thing the Valiant asked. :)

That is quite a Susan thing to do, and quite a pretty picture to imagine.

Aw, what a sweet, regal thing to imagine, the presenting of a restored queen to her people. :)

That's the thing, I really don't think it "was" over if they had truly sought Aslan ...

I knew Lucy would sob, and I knew both queens would cry, but it is good to mourn things, when they are gone I think.

It's interesting, though I think the dwarves only knew the Telar as enemies that they mourn them here too.

I think Edmund's judgement on that, on the particulars of the case, are true.

Oreius' response is so humble and so honest.

It was his job to protect her ...

This is a hard story that wrestles with very hard things, and I stand amazed at your resolve to bring it to an end. It is I think truly a tragedy and a well written one.

Why do appearances of handkerchief's lighten the heart somehow?

Oh, I "did" hope Aslan would appear again before the end of all this! :)

That is such a solemn moment.

I hoped so much this would happen!

Wow, even wings, he gets his wings back!

I knew Aslan could restore them!

Oh! That was a very short visit, though!

Ohhhhh ... I want to see Khonat in future stories! Pretty please! (bats eyelashes)

Excellent, excellent work!

God Bless
ScribeofHeroes
11/28/2020 c15 25Calyn
Thank you. It may have been a tragedy in one way, but a sober tragedy rather than a despairing one, and one that it is well we be reminded of: all the Goodness in the world cannot (or rather, will not, against their will) save those who freely and finally reject it. But there remains hope, and I'm glad Khonat survived.

It's always wonderful to read a fic where the true character of what makes Narnia great shines through, and I appreciated the philosophical discussions. Too many authors (and moviemakers) leave out the *nobility* inherent in this world and characters, I think, but you don't.

An especial gem is the beautifully tender scene of Susan and Aslan in Chapter 10, which for personal reasons may be my favorite scene in the story. So I tried to draw it. If you wish, you can see it at fav dot me slash de9j1ui.
11/20/2020 c14 34ScribeofHeroes
I love the Mare was a Talking Mare and told the truth so humbly and simply to her sovereigns at this trying time for them all that is a hard, but necessary thing to do.

Oh, Brave Lucy!

I'm glad you took a moment to tell us of how Edmund related to Lucy in that moment after all the times he's tried to protect Peter.

I'm sad that Edmund's ashamed when he really has nothing to be ashamed about.

It's so hard for the elder to have the answers ... sometimes you just give your best guess.

So it is Lucy going with Susan after all.

So the dwarves stay with the queens.

Oh, poor, brave Lucy so scared, but doing her part even as she shakes!

Yes, when time is short, one should travel and talk at the same time.

I got the reference. :)

It is annoying sometimes when you find others are not finding difficult, what drains you of strength.

Legends ... are they important or not?

Another queen who knew magic, but to ask the White Witch for help ... Of course it did not go well.

The facts do seem to line up.

Everything save that which is against Aslan's will is worth a try, when Susan's life is on the line.

Oh! The building of bridges probably eats up the time. Good thing they have dwarves with them though!

It is probably hard to know they left Lucy to face that without them if they fail to prevent that from happening.

Poor Edmund ...

What kind of queen would she be if they did wake her?

The ones who were your friends make you angriest when they hurt you ...

To sell your soul, it is said so easily by so many in tales and maybe outside tales, but no one alive to say it really knows what it means ...

So many would be missing limbs even if they did turn to flesh again and that would not be pretty.

Edmund's mercy, Juddahum's choice, so sad and so beautiful ...

I'm kinda glad Edmund didn't get the chance to make that choice, though I winced at how he got out of it!

I'm kinda glad at Oreius' noble choice, kinda surprised the narrative has come to his point of view.

It came at a moment's choice ...

They didn't even cry out to Aslan at the last! They just ... gave up ...

Oreius may face a day his kings and queens are gone.

It is a tragedy ...

God Bless
ScribeofHeroes
11/19/2020 c15 23VintageRoseTaylor
Wow, I loved it!
11/18/2020 c15 10BellatrixTheStar
YES!
And ONE LIVED!
I am so happy :)
That ending was perfect! Thanks for taking me on such a wonderful adventure.
11/17/2020 c15 5Scarlett Cash
What a detailed one-shot, haha! I enjoyed this ending, and I am pleased to find Susan breathing without a crown on her head. I also really loved the Snow White references!
11/17/2020 c15 4SouthwestExpat
Not a complete tragedy, then. As in our world, a remnant repent and believe.

But still grief. And how that grief is assuaged after the Last Judgment, when there will be no more grief or sorrow, I do not know. Perhaps when we fully understand Psalm 73:25Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.". The sorrow in the story was assuaged when Aslan appeared, and restored life to dead stone (the Valley of Dry Bones in Ezekiel?)

A hard story but a good one.
11/17/2020 c15 17Pacifia
"Edmund had vehemently refused the female Bear's offer to carry him like a cub." - Why? I would have absolutely LOVED to see Edmund getting carried like a bear cub! Oh, nevermind, I have now a permanent picture of him in a mother Bear's paws printed in my mind. And I adore it.

And oh thank you! Really, thank you for restoring Khonat!

But I do wonder how this will fit into canon. Now that Telmar is devoid of its Telar, the human pirates can safely thrive there, but surely they'd discover some history of the old inhabitants? And what of Khonat?

Ah, anyway, a wonderful job with the ending! And to see Aslan and know that he had been overseeing them...

Thank you!

And on AO3, I had noticed you issued the Major Character Death Warning, and kind of panicked. But since the canon characters live, I don't see the need for it, unless we are counting Susan dead in chapter 13?

Thank you again!
11/17/2020 c15 123LucyGrace
Love it! Such a great story!
11/11/2020 c14 17Pacifia
Nothing missing. Really. But I have a big concern. This was the complete tragedy, right? RIGHT?
11/10/2020 c14 10BellatrixTheStar
Aww...I was hoping the daughter at least might be saved since her magic was used up selflessly on hurt animals, but I suppose then it wouldn't be a tragedy.
All is beautiful and terrible as what was once dust again becomes dust :)
Great story!
11/10/2020 c14 4SouthwestExpat
Even knowing what was coming, parts of this chapter were hard to read. The final reckoningand though there were differences amongst the Telar, they were impenitent and fell under the same sentence. A chilling reminder of divine reckoning.

Zedekah's warning was really important. Did Orieus do the right thingyes, I think so. But to say "I would never do X" is a dangerous sentiment. Correcting that keeps the Narnians from self-righteousness and conceit.

Very well done.
11/10/2020 c14 5Scarlett Cash
I felt that the crumbling, one by one, was really well written. Especially when it came to Jaddahum and his daughter, and also for Zedekah, since he was willing to be a murderer for the safety of his own people. I also really felt that what he said to Oreius at the end was touching, because Oreius would lose his Kings and Queens one day, too, and we don't know how he handled it. Though I imagine it was a heartache, especially if he felt it his duty to watch over them.
All in all, I think you did well with writing tragedy! It was touching and sad in a very forlorn kind of way.
11/6/2020 c13 Scarlett Cash
ooohh it's definitely heating up! I look forward to the next chapter! I hope Susan is okay!
11/6/2020 c13 4SouthwestExpat
Tragedy...how worried should I be for Susan? (If I didn't know you better, I'd be really worried)

I think one of the things that keeps this story's tension going is the varied outlooks of the Telar. They had a consensus, but Khonat helped the Four. Sirrioth helped Lucy - but handed Susan over. Zedekah is still coolly focused on his goal, while Jumak is so blinded by hate he will sacrifice the hope of his race's future to - not just kill Susan (since taking her crown would do that) but kill her with what he deemed sufficient pain. The character development keeps the suspense high and the plot moving. I forget who said it, but the best stories are simple plots with complex characters, and this is one of those.
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