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for The Ice Queen's Shadow

1/10 c3 Guest
Tell me this doesn't have to be another crossover canon version of Disney's Frozen 1.
10/22/2020 c1 17Darkmagicdragon
Look, I really don’t want to offend you, but I feel you need to hear it. Now, I would like to say that this isn’t a flame. It’s constructive criticism and it will help you a great deal. Okay? So don’t go biting my head off or whatever just because I gave an honest to god opinion on your story.

With that said, I want to say that your story is pretty bad. There’s no plot, no flow, no character. It’s just a bunch of stuff thrown together without anything worth reading. I mean really, you have 2 chapters right here and only 464 words from them.

Firstly, anything under 2,000k is not gonna grab readers attention. That’s not even counting the fact you don’t give any summary to give potential readers an idea of what they’re gonna read. Then there’s the bad grammar. Readers don’t mind bad grammar all the time, but when they’re looking at a wall of text that takes less than 5 minutes to read, it becomes noticeable and hard to ignore.

So, my advice is to rethink this whole thing along with your other stories, because I’ve looked at those too. I’m sure you have some great ideas to write a good story, but it’s a few things killing your stories.

The first is that the chapters are too short. Try writing up to at least 1,000k and go from there. Second, work on your grammar. Remember that paragraphs are written up to at least 6 sentences and that character dialogue is written separate from paragraphs. Finally, and this is the most crucial, plan out your story as thoroughly as possible before you write it.

No offense, but when I read this, I get the sense you are new and don’t completely understand what you’re doing. That’s the sense I get, but that’s just me. It’s your story, you do you. Just note that I gave you advice to help you and that’s all. Where you go from here is up to you. Goodbye and good luck.

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