Just In
for Down A Rabbit Hole We Go

2/4 c13 Guest
I'm happy to see a closer look at the central dynamic and relationship. I was watching a news program the other day and a journalist was asking a little boy, 8 about to be 9, what he wanted for his birthday and if he thought he'd get what he wanted. He'd been separated from his father, apparently, at the border. He said that all he wanted was to see his dad and be with him again. It was incredibly moving and managed to take the journalist by surprise the way the boy said it so honestly. Reading this again makes me think of Ryan at that age, or other ages and what he would have been thinking in between visits, during and after.
1/31 c13 Guest
You immediately got me invested in Ryan's relationship with Caleb with that surprise revelation and all of the questions that have come with it over the years that are coming to a head now. It's really hard to picture Caleb with a little boy, and probably a very scared and uncertain child for a while, but then Ryan lived scared and uncertain.

Can't wait to learn more.

Thanks for something to look forward to in trying times!
1/30 c13 Guest
Timing is everything. I just came to read the early chapters again to get a fix of Ryan and Caleb's story and some idea of what their early foundation might be, and saw your latest. There's some symbolism here, not that I'm certain Caleb realizes it. He hasn't let himself see the truth since he first spent any time with Ryan. I'd love to know about their first and earliest meetings and if Ryan was intimidated because men were threatening, dangerous and abusive, or if he was reserved and standoffish, watching carefully, but relieved when Caleb was different than the rest. Then he might have wished that Caleb wasn't taking him back and wondered what he could do to change that. But Ryan would have always been smart, even as a toddler or preschooler. He knew that kids, especially him, had no voice or power. He was at the mercy of the others. Besides whoever Dawn was with, starting with Frank and then her revolving door of horrors, there was Trey to worry about (until he was locked up most of the time and squatting wherever he landed by the time Ryan was about 8, which had to be a relief). At least that contact was more random over the years. Ryan recognizes how dangerous and violent he is and tries to avoid him, but can't entirely if Trey and his sidekicks surface to take what they want using force. Ryan's only sanctuary seems to have been when Caleb spared time for him, but that wasn't home. Just like Ryan made it clear about not having a family, he hasn't had a home. It's hard to know if he thinks of any of the things that Caleb bought for the secret house as his because he visited there, but he didn't live there.

Thanks for writing more again. I'll still back up to read the backstory again.
1/27 c13 Guest
I was hoping for more of Caleb having to confront and start to look at things more honestly and realistically. I don't know if Haley is someone who can be part of that or if he doesn't need or want more pressure. Ryan's had to suffer all along, always knowing that the Atwoods didn't want him and that Caleb only was around and willing to do so much at certain times, but couldn't be counted on. I think that he owes it to Ryan and himself to have a better idea of how many AJs there have been and what was going on, but without putting Ryan on the spot. If he looks back, he has to see things more clearly and how he wasn't listening to what Ryan was trying to convey all those years or what he should have noticed. Sandy could shed some light from his own job too and might not make Ryan as uncomfortable as others.

Thanks for the bedtime chapter. Anticipation for more of the bonding and revelations without rushing and allowing for the pace to take in all of the key details even when no one is speaking.
1/27 c13 Guest
The story line is very interesting. I would like to see more Caleb parenting maybe Ryan gets into a fight
1/27 c13 Guest
Thanks for the bright spot and escape in my day.

There's so much to consider and think about with Ryan and Caleb and put into context over the last 10 years or more and how it all impacts Ryan minute to minute now, and looking back and trying to understand how Ryan would be feeling now. It's a must for Caleb to start to learn what he's turned his back on and was too ugly and would have caused problems for his life. He made very wrong, selfish choices that will affect Ryan forever.
1/26 c13 Guest
Excellent to have a new chapter. I should have taken a look sooner.

I remember several chapters back, maybe, 6 or 7, after Caleb brought Ryan to his Newport house and Dr. Roberts came to help examine and treat Ryan, and Caleb got the other sign that Ryan was at or beyond his breaking point. If the way Ryan went to uncharacteristic extremes and shocked Caleb and Sandy, forcing Caleb to make a choice and take a stand wasn't enough of either a last ditch cry for help or way of giving up, then the backpack and risking even worse than what he already faced was. Caleb was recalling how Ryan, I guess when he was very young and for years, would ask Caleb to take him. Ryan never asks for anything. For a very young child, and one who didn't know Caleb very well at first and saw him infrequently to ask that was also an undeniable cry for help. I hope that Caleb is aware of how bad things had to be and went Ryan went back to, whether it was Trey targeting him, at least until Ryan was 8 or 9 and then Trey was locked up, on the streets between stints locked up, or crashing wherever, Frank until he was locked up for the last time, or Dawn and her boyfriends. At least Caleb isn't wasting money for attorneys for Frank, Dawn or any of her boyfriends. I know that some part of Ryan feels guilty compared to Trey, but Trey's violent, dangerous, greedy and a manipulator. He'll use Ryan, and Caleb, to take what he wants, like he always will and squander what he's given. He's hurt and used Ryan enough and has a record almost a decade old already. He'll always take and not care who is hurt in the process. I hope that Caleb can cut that cord and concentrate on Ryan.

Picturing Ryan getting up the courage to decide to ask Caleb to help him is wrenching and heartbreaking. Picturing him knowing he'd be let down, only good enough for temporary and going to face who and what awaited him is too. He never has belonged anywhere and that's just crushing.

He might be a natural athlete, or maybe he just loved being able to escape the hell and pretend to be a kid. He should be good at something like chess. He's had to observe and evaluate people and behavior and really think about what he would say or do, always thinking ahead to consequences.

Thanks again for writing more.
1/26 c13 Guest
With Ryan's life so far an obstacle course and a minefield that he's had to try to navigate on his own from the beginning so that he's never known anything else, chess really fits. He's always had to have eyes and ears on high alert, ready to be invisible, hide or flee, and get the best read on whoever might be ready to pounce with no reason. With Caleb, it's a game of strategy and even fun. For Ryan, it points to something else entirely. It's just one more example of what Caleb has never wanted to think about for what sounds like a decade.

So many ways that my heart breaks for Ryan.
1/25 c13 Guest
So, so happy to see more and up close and personal, with that "right there hovering in the background" feel that heightens the emotional impact and is almost like watching Ryan's face and body language for signs while he takes it all in.

Of course that means wanting more with plenty of details and pacing to savor beat by beat.

Thank you.
1/24 c13 Guest
I don't know if I'm reading into this, but I like using chess as a metaphor for Ryan's life, except right here, it's a game. For real, Ryan would have always been trying to be alert to every possible attack from everyone, starting with the ones closest, coming at any and all times. He would have had to hone skills of acute observation and all senses to protect himself from Trey (when he wasn't in juvie, jail or prison from about 13 on or looking to use and hurt Ryan once he was living wherever) to Dawn, Frank and any of the boyfriends or the rest who have made a sport of making Ryan's life as painful as possible. Those skills would have kept him a little safer and self-reliant and prepared him for the innocent game of chess.

Ryan is definitely very intelligent and motivated. He's someone who enjoys reading and learning just like he enjoys sports and the things that he wished he could have pursued just for fun, not always worried about all of the aspects and only having a chance to do certain things if he had a rare break or if Caleb was sparing a little time when it was convenient.

Thanks very much for writing and revealing more and giving a few details in the process during interactions. More, please?
1/23 c13 Guest
I was hoping that you'd post again and include more insights into Ryan with Caleb, either from Ryan, Caleb, of Haley as part insider and outsider. She only knows her father as her father and she's finding out that there was plenty that she never knew or understood either because she was busy trying for attention and rebelling, or just didn't look. She never knew about Ryan and can only start to guess about him. It's not like Caleb knows much about Ryan. He was so all about keeping his secret and a small part of his life separate whatever it cost Ryan.

I'm glad that Caleb at least knows some things that Ryan likes and can do. I'd say that chess was because of Caleb, but other sports were Ryan's escape when he could and when he wasn't hurt, which is anyone's guess how often over 15 years. It's more like how often he wasn't trying to hide injuries and how often he wasn't scared to go back to wherever Dawn and whoever was.

Caleb should also see how much Ryan is worried that any new arrangement will be temporary or for convenience. Caleb never went further before.

I hope that you keep the chapters coming!
1/22 c13 Guest
Worth the wait. I hope that you expand on including perception versus reality and reflection, especially with Caleb, who has needed a reality check, perspectives and introspection looking back over time and how that affects the dynamics starting with Ryan and his father if he takes on that role fully now and Haley, who seems to be getting invested, along with the present day. Ryan's and Summer's friendship over time is worth exploring for how it all comes together and when it really became a factor. I'm curious to find out what Caleb would find out about Ryan if he put the time and effort into searching, as much as he wants to hide from it. A.J. is the start of the alphabet with the offenders and he just happened to be the most recent one who did enough damage when Ryan couldn't take it and thought he was old enough or had no choice but to escape.

Thanks for more of the portrait.
1/20 c13 Guest
I've been looking forward to this. I'm all about pulling back the curtain on Ryan and Caleb's relationship over time and you give some insights here mostly through Haley to go a little with Caleb's inner musings. He's sure got a lot to answer for. He must have been giving himself way too much credit for doing anything at all for Ryan, but on his own time and terms. I mean at least he didn't completely deny and abandon him if that's what he pats himself on the back for doing.

He's got to still be fooling himself or in denial if he thinks that AJ was the only violent, abusive man who Dawn had in her long parade following in Frank's footsteps. Let's not forget that Ryan also had to contend with an almost brother 5 years older who is also violent and a criminal by the time he hit his tween years. Ryan had to be wary and afraid of him when he wasn't locked up and even after he was living somewhere else between time in juvie and jail. There was no safe place and he probably couldn't believe his luck with the one guy who didn't make his life miserable and his mission to hurt Ryan.

Caleb will have to start thinking back to deal with how many years, at least a decade, that Ryan had to live that way.

It will take years to come to terms with all of that trauma and there's no conveniently burying it or pretending any more. Ryan couldn't trust Caleb because he had to be watching to see if Caleb, who should have been astute and smart enough, wasn't picking up on Ryan's signals, then a child would believe that he was choosing not to and didn't want to be involved. in Ryan's world, adults were hurtful, didn't want him and couldn't be trusted. If Caleb only wanted him some of the time under certain conditions, that had to send a message.

It's interesting that there are aspects of Ryan's life with Caleb that are more normal, and that Caleb is looking ahead, but Ryan is right to be worried, uncertain and insecure. It's been how many hours and it has to be impossible for him to not think that it won't all change again.

Thanks giving some of their powerful dynamic again. It's the center of it all. I always look for the focus on what isn't said and why and on Ryan's body language and expressions.
1/20 c13 Guest
I admit that I'm watching the Inauguration, but I'll be reading this very carefully and definitely looking forward to it. I've been watching and waiting! Thanks for making the day doubly special by adding your new chapter too.
1/19 c13 Guest
I've been checking for a new chapter, so I'm very glad to see this.

It's great to have some Ryan and Caleb interaction again and a few of the details like difficulty with eye contact and the ways that Ryan's insecurity manifest itself however much he's trying to put on a good front and not give any reason for too many questions all at once or for Caleb and the Nichols to have doubts and second thoughts. He's already been an unwanted burden to the Atwoods and anyone attached to them at criminal central city.

I was wondering about the elephant, or herd of them in the room, and you start to scratch the surface with Caleb at the very end. Obviously, Dave was the exception and there were many AJs to go with Frank, not to mention Dawn and then there's Ryan's half-brother, who has to be a sociopath if he isn't on the cusp already, not caring who gets in the way or hurt of what he wants. It seems that Dawn picks her men just like her oldest son and husband. Living with that would have been pure hell and always dangerous for Ryan at the heart of all of the violence. Caleb couldn't have ever have put Ryan first with any kind of long range plan for him or ever wanting to learn more than he wanted to see.

There are so many holes to fill in that I'm looking forward to finding out about and so much to explore with them.

Thanks for the update!
117 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service