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8h c7 36RobertCop3
So, King was already faced with the dilemma of how to get out once she had her money. Now things have gotten a lot more complicated.

I know this one took a lot of effort, but it definitely paid off. It conveyed all the suspense and creepiness you were aiming for. And I admire King, for still being so defiant in the face of overwhelming sleaze.

It'll be interesting to see how this ends. I'm sure it'll be awesome.
10/14 c7 iwewia
Another one for the list of impressive Illy chapters! I was captured by every line, feeling the panic of our Kingy towards the repulsive Turner. There are so many impressive chapters in the King-verse, yet I think that this one is very important for building the background we recognize from the games. Amazing work! My only criticism is just about Jack saying "hon'", like, a lot. Haha.

At some moments, it read like a "life flashing before my eyes" for King. Her immediate danger, then the threats to Jessica, the loyalty and love for Jean... So immersive! Your writing evokes empathy without being condescending and especially in the most difficult situations. I wonder if she's going to talk about this with Jessica since we know what she thinks of this job.
10/5 c6 RobertCop3
I got the Kafka reference right away! But that's just because I've used that title myself.

Man, this was intense. You can tell right away that the others are gaining some respect for King, and at the moment they don't seem to think very highly of Jack. And you don't expect him to be as cunning as he is, but he's been following and watching. And also, I feel like maybe he initially had a feeling about King because she was "the one who got away." Least, that's my theory. But King underestimated him, as I feel we all did.

So, yeah, I'm glad you beta'd this so much, because the end result was pure gold. Creepy, suspenseful gold. And you chose the right way to go about it.

And then you ended on a cliffhanger. I know what I'd like to see happen, but we already know things went a different way. So I'm still gonna be shitting bricks a little, but you know I'll read it. Though probably with a drink in hand. ( ;
10/5 c5 RobertCop3
Another short chapter that was loaded with info.

King's dilemma is very real. The mob is not a civil service job. And even though it was brief, that just makes the research you did on rare diseases all that more impressive. That's probably more research than I've ever done regarding Melanie and styles of knife combat.

And I feel for King now more than ever. Even before her secret was out, she could never do right. But then that wonderful moment between King and her brother only reminds us what this is all for, and re-hardens King's resolve.

And now, onto the next...
10/4 c6 iwewia
"Let's get to know you", when said to someone who is trying to conceal their identity, is an awful thing. You make great use of the setup of this being just another ordinary day at work, building it up to confirm that the tense atmosphere was justified - she was being followed.

The candy analogy was something I had to think about a little bit, first because I was trying to remember if you've ever written King consuming chocolate, then because it's slang for hallucinogens in my country and then I read it again once she mentioned Jessica and it clicked that it's sexual innuendo. Hope I got it right!

The dangerous nature of this job that she does so she can help her brother and now seems to put Jessica's well-being at risk is a bucket of cold water to a King that takes pride and enjoyment out of kicking ass. If the consequences come, they will be heavy. SO hyped for the next chapter after this creepy ending!
10/3 c4 RobertCop3
So, King is having a great day... and then it all comes crashing down.

I keep having to remind myself that we're not supposed to hate Jessica just yet. But at the same time, their fight felt very natural, and provided us some foreshadowing. King's line about honesty was particularly biting, and we get the sense that Jess's opinion of her is not as lofty as we thought. But at the same time, it also feels like maybe she said SOME of those things out of concern. And also what if some of them are partially true?

Whether it's angst between friends or angst between couples, once more Illy delivers with style! Feels like shit might hit the fan soon...
10/2 c6 131jojoDO
This is something I've been waiting for for a long, long time: a look back in the past, with King's dynamic with the gang. A day in the life of King, to put it simply. Her goings on with the assholes she's forced to associate with. And well.. this delivered! I found it kinda cute how the others were sticking up for King, like "leave the new guy alone dude". I thought that was pretty amusing : )

...But yeah. Jack knows too much. WAAAAY TOO MUCH. He needs to go. Hurry, King! Hard kick, jump back, throw, fireball on wakeup to dizzy! Gets him every time! : D

This is getting tense AF.
10/1 c5 jojoDO
Well if she doubted herself... this is the reality check she needed. Just one interaction with her shitbag aunt and uncle, and seeing the poor, sickly form of her brother, and she feels stronger than ever about her resolve. Very effective! And this is, if I'm right, the first time we actually see sick Jean in your universe? Poor kid... it's rough. No wonder King is so motivated, despite having two a-holes to always put her down.

This was a powerful, necessary chapter for King's motivation.
9/28 c5 iwewia
It seems as though every chapter explores a different layer of Kingy's life during this time. Loving this concept! Not loving seeing lovely Jean in so much pain, however. Thankfully you've shown that he is better in the future of the King-verse so the pain of reading about him suffering is short-lived.

Knowing very little about American health care, I just know that it does get very expensive so that plus your research about Jean's illness paints a clear picture of how tied the family's hands are. And the parallel of Mary going that extra mile to make sure King is safe and King going the extra mile to make sure Jean gets the treatment is very strong still.
9/25 c4 iwewia
It's nice to read past Kingy being happy and vulnerable in a relationship. Their conversation was tough... I can understand Jessica's concern but, also, this is such a key moment in King's life and what would define her as a character so to see this point in the timeline being discussed from her intimate perspective is incredibly interesting.

The sadism and King's habit of underestimating her opponents is present and it is building up an atmosphere. I feel an ambush in the air...
9/23 c4 jojoDO
I can totally get behind that opening scene. I totally get it; the THRILL of doing something just awesome... and still tingling afterwards, like you have a nuclear glow. And King thankfully has someone to share these feelings with, and Jess probably... uh... they probably had a thrilling time : D

...The rest of the chapter tho. Yikes. Yyyyyikes. That king of thing REALLY breaks my heart in stories: two people being together, and then fighting. There's something just really rotten about it to me, like... such an intimate evening gets SPOILED by a fight. it's one of the worst things. I hate it T _ T

Jess was natural in her concerns tho. But King is of course too headstrong and stubborn to listen, and her Aries blood instantly turned that into an unfortunate end to their romantic evening :c aww! I hate it so bad that they fought.

...Don't tell me Peeper McPeepin followed her?! O - O that unsettling feeling didn't just come from nowhere!
9/22 c3 36RobertCop3
Oh, that was satisfying! I need a drink!

King got her revenge at last, and it was awesome, hitting all the right notes. But sadly, even righteous revenge is not without its consequences. Our girl got a little too zealous, and let some words slip, and someone was watching. I hope this doesn't come back around to bite her. But we know it's not that kind of fic-verse.

Looking forward to more. Especially after that excerpt in Discord.
9/22 c2 RobertCop3
Love this little look into business as usual for King in her double life. And... we see a familiar face from the past, who's the same as he ever was.

Tension between the two of them was great, as well as all the little touches: King avoiding speaking whenever possible, the way that Mr. Big can give threatening looks even through his shades, King nearly letting her emotions get the best of her, but we've seen how impulsive she can be.

And now the stage is set not only for a chance to see her at work, but also: it seems we have our plot. Jack may look like a slob, but he's clearly not a fool.

Look forward to the next chapter, which is already out, because I'm mad behind on this shit. So onward!
9/22 c3 131jojoDO
GET IT GURRRRLLLLLLL!

Wow. Short... and so satisfying. Like a cool draft blasting your face on a hot summer day. King got the sweetest revenge, and she did it by the book. No "I Spit on your Grave" bullshit: just her bread and butter. A good ol fashioned beatdown. And as a bonus, she was just following orders!

... that said, she did get a little too excited, and I was afraid she might have blown her cover for a second there. Luckily I think she reeled it in with that last threat, which made it seem more indirect and not like...HER personally.

That being said, someone was watching, which is not good...yikes. Wonder what will come of that.
9/19 c3 iwewia
Not sure if it was intentional, but I keep thinking about how this work was released after "Pep Talk" and in this chapter specifically there's a huge parallel of revenge against a rapist which connects Mary and King's actions. Just 5% of "justice" in a dirty, dangerous job.

With the title and the tension pilling up I'm expecting Jack to confront King or for King's disguise to be nearly exposed somehow.
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