for Two Girls, One Graduation10/1/2020 c3 
2KingsmanWrites
AH I love your stories, they always make me smile. Also the little quips you throw in there (I hate fashion too brother)
Your writing is amazing! I especially enjoyed After the Storm! Looking forward to reading more of your work!
2KingsmanWritesAH I love your stories, they always make me smile. Also the little quips you throw in there (I hate fashion too brother)
Your writing is amazing! I especially enjoyed After the Storm! Looking forward to reading more of your work!
9/28/2020 c3 3JTWAS1994
OH PLEASE NOT HOOTY! NOT EVEN EMPEROR BELOS DESERVES HAVING TO LISTEN TO HIM FOR TWO HOURS!
3JTWAS1994OH PLEASE NOT HOOTY! NOT EVEN EMPEROR BELOS DESERVES HAVING TO LISTEN TO HIM FOR TWO HOURS!
9/24/2020 c2 i
i kinda wanna unread this but at the same time i cant stop reading this
i am conflicted
plz dont ruin fanfiction for me
lumity do be canon doe
i kinda wanna unread this but at the same time i cant stop reading this
i am conflicted
plz dont ruin fanfiction for me
lumity do be canon doe
9/21/2020 c1 Hdyshsusjs
That was pretty gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
That was pretty gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
9/21/2020 c1 2Elpis21
ok, so I have issues with the story. i'll try to stay constructive. Firstly, you should double check the grammarmite" instead of might). I can accept mistakes here and there, but some do get the reader out of the story. Secoundly, please, please, stop revealing your cards so early. It is obvious that you are fond of this idea (and you are right to be), but it gets in the way because you tell, don't show. Now, this is just the start of the story, and it might get fixed later on, but it's a worrying sign. It gives the reader the impression that the story will be laid bare before they can experience it. For example, having Gus be an emo is a great idea. I don't personally think I could have a good execution of it, since you need to stay true to the character, but it is great. announcing it in a note at the beginning of the story takes away that punch the reader could experience. Overall, you are good at getting characters evolving, but it needs ro stop being stated. Show it, instead. Luz saying that she learned sass from Eda is not nearly as interesting as getting a scene that shows it.
tldr: good ideas, but please write scenes of interaction instead of info dumping monologues .
PS: you'll do great!
2Elpis21ok, so I have issues with the story. i'll try to stay constructive. Firstly, you should double check the grammarmite" instead of might). I can accept mistakes here and there, but some do get the reader out of the story. Secoundly, please, please, stop revealing your cards so early. It is obvious that you are fond of this idea (and you are right to be), but it gets in the way because you tell, don't show. Now, this is just the start of the story, and it might get fixed later on, but it's a worrying sign. It gives the reader the impression that the story will be laid bare before they can experience it. For example, having Gus be an emo is a great idea. I don't personally think I could have a good execution of it, since you need to stay true to the character, but it is great. announcing it in a note at the beginning of the story takes away that punch the reader could experience. Overall, you are good at getting characters evolving, but it needs ro stop being stated. Show it, instead. Luz saying that she learned sass from Eda is not nearly as interesting as getting a scene that shows it.
tldr: good ideas, but please write scenes of interaction instead of info dumping monologues .
PS: you'll do great!