Just In
for Love At First Word

9/15 c1 Dangal
This story is SOO GOOD!
Might be my fav oneshot!
9/4 c1 1.6180339887498948482045868
*head cannon* They both missed their flights and enjoyed the rest of the day together.
8/14 c1 Guest
Pls make a sequel cause that shit was amazing
7/24/2021 c1 3Padre Damaso
The ambiguity of this fic reminds me of that one Haruno and Hachiman fic. Nevertheless, it was a good read and this is just a writing exercise for fucking. Lol
5/8/2021 c1 3Katsugi
That...was really cute. I started giggling at the end, the flirty disclosure was a real delight to read.
4/4/2021 c1 Tarl10
I'm in shock. I don't know what to say other than it was scrumptious. It was one the best fanfics, I've ever read. Thank you very much author. It was a great experience.
2/7/2021 c1 19Hiruma Enma 01
Sequel, please?
2/4/2021 c1 surya25addanki
Wow sequel pls
1/9/2021 c1 Art
This is wonderfully cathartic. Any palns for taking this train further? I, for one, would love to read it.
12/1/2020 c1 mickeysofine
Really nice.
11/7/2020 c1 Random comment
I think this was very well written. I think I would’ve preferred if they never ended up sleeping with each other.
11/1/2020 c1 CMY187
(Part 2 of my review)

“regardless of how petty or superficial I tell myself they are”
Unfortunately, all too often you learn that people in real life are MORE petty and superficial than fiction stories tend to write/portray. Yeah, my misanthropy is showing again, isn’t it? Why do you think I was instantly drawn to Hachiman when I first discovered the Oregairu manga (which by the way I think draws Hachiman very well in terms of his eyes. I honestly prefer manga-Hachiman to anime-Hachiman.
“Reading it back properly might have made him think twice”
No. If the messages are clearly re-written, trust would be lost. Just write down what you are thinking and feeling in the moment and pass it to her.
“this one thing…I’ve never given up on. Not once”
I give the credit for this to Komachi. She is the one thing that kept him going when he was at the lowest point of his life.
“it was real. Actually real”
Good or evil, beautiful or ugly, Hachiman doesn’t care. What he wants is something REAL.
Hannibal Lecter: ‘I let you know me.’
“The real thing. That’s what I want”
In Oregairu it took much longer for him to confess this to Yui and Yukino. And Iroha – who was eavesdropping – witnessed and heard it, and it affected her greatly; she later says that she cannot, nay, WILL not forget what she heard.
“it doesn’t go away, because even something partly real would be enough. Just a shred of it”
There is so much BS and insincerity and fakeness and deception in the world; people lying to everything and everyone, including and especially themselves. Family members telling you that it is your duty, your obligation, etcetera, that this is what you are ‘supposed’ and ‘meant’ to do. Christ alive, Hachiman really is a teenage Gregory House. I came to that conclusion very early when I was first reading the Oregairu manga, and that belief only increased over time.
“I wasn’t drunk when I wrote that”
No more excuses. They both know what the other person and what themselves want.

“to see the world as a muddied thing”
Quoting issue 09 of the Welcome Back, Frank comic mini-series:
Joan: "I don't like this city. It's big and dark and scary. Awful things happen to people. I'm frightened every waking minute. I'm scared to walk to the end of the street."
Frank: "Why don't you leave?"
Joan: "Oh, I'd like to. I'd like a little house in the country. With a pond and ducks to feed, and a dog to throw sticks for. And trees, too."
Frank: "Then you should just go. You're right about this city, Joan. It is a bad place. Bad things do happen. Just go."
Joan: "I'm scared to. I haven't any money, but mostly I'm just too scared to leave. Scared to even think about changing my life. I'm scared of everything." (pause) "Why do you stay, if you think it's so bad?"
Frank: "Because I like it."
(Long silence. Joan looks away from Frank. When she speaks again, she has turned away from him and is unable to face him)
Joan: "This is a terrible world."
Frank: "Yes, Joan. It's a nightmare."

“The world felt like this”
Bringing Out The Dead (1999)
“it provoked them too much”
Yui: ‘I am in love with this club. I am in love.’
Iroha: ‘I am starting to want the real thing too.’
Yukino: ‘If this is all it takes to tear us apart, then maybe we weren’t all that close to begin with.’
“all his thoughts about…converged into three lines”
No beating about the bush. No messing around. No more small talk. What do you want from her, Hachiman? Tell her.
“sent palpitations ricocheting through his body”
Love hurts.
“the woman in his head, short brown hair, green eyes, large rimmed glasses”
I still love this. Honestly this is my favorite aspect of the whole story. How would the other Oregairu characters visualize Hachiman if they are aware of his personality and character but have never actually met him in person? How would they visualize each other? (looks at the handsome Hayama Hayato) I cackled.
“Screw it”
You are your own worst enemy, Hachiman. Show your mercy.
By the way, I just discovered a song that is apparently sung by Yukino’s seiyuu. Roughly translated, the title is ‘Diamond Purity’ (according to Google).
“too quiet for him to draw an impression”
She probably knew that, subconsciously or otherwise.
“a whole that could only be rationally described as”
I suspect that if Hachiman were to meet Yennefer from the Witcher series, he would quickly decide that he does NOT find her attractive nor beautiful. And he wouldn’t be the only one; Yennefer WOULD be attractive if she would stop sneering and looking down her nose at almost everyone and everything around her.
“every shape and facet of his desires”
…I blame you, GOF. I put all the blame on you for this; me now wishing/hoping for a fanfic similar to this in which Hachiman ‘meets’ and ‘speaks’ to Yuigahama Yui, Isshiki Iroha or Kawasaki Saki. (looks at Ebina Hina) Huh. Now there’s an interesting premise. Ebina still remains as the most mysterious Oregairu character to me.
“always tried to live on his own terms”
Hachiman in Transdim by Sage-of-Eyes: ‘Love isn’t give and take. It’s taking everything and giving everything at once every moment and every second.’
“In seeing someone so perfect”
Except you already know that she is the exact opposite of that.
“if I’d known this was who you were, I’d never have come”
I thought of Rumi being written in Unmade by SouBU to be ‘popular’ in her high school in that she is seen as an aloof, mysterious and nigh-unapproachable beauty by most of the boys.
“your favourite novel is A Personal Matter by Oe Kenzaburo”
(sigh) (looks it up on Wikipedia) A man who must come to terms with the birth of his mentally disabled son.
…I hate you, GOF.
Also, I now want to know what the entire Oregairu cast think of Evangelion.
“more in common with you than anyone I’ve ever met”
There is a reason that Yui grew progressively closer to both Yukino and Hachiman and more distant from Hayato’s clique.
“How did you imagine me?”
This made me laugh. Also, Chapter 13 of Transdim by Sage-of-Eyes contains one of my all-time favorite scenes of that story; Tiona, Riveria and Lefiya finally getting to see Hachiman’s face (in that fanfic, Hachiman usually has his face covered with a mask and hat). I still cannot think of a more accurate description of how adult-Hachiman would be perceived as attractive by other people.
To quote Sage’s story: ‘(Hachiman) wasn’t dashingly handsome…but somewhat predatory and dangerous…My mother always told me I should look for someone gallant, dashing and heroic! Not someone cunning, self-assured and aggressive!’
“so I gave you short hair”
Woolie Madden’s eyebrow starts twitching involuntarily.
“if you conspired against me to be perfect”
I cackled so much at this, because it made me think of an Oregairu/ASOIAF fanfic at Spacebattles written by Setsura on the Questionable Questing website. In that fanfic, Hachiman is reincarnated into House Arryn…with blonde hair and blue eyes. He sees Hayato every time he sees his own reflection.
“Most of all, I thought you would just be a liar”
Tony Montana: ‘Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy.’
“a supermodel…She half-laughed”
Yukino may have met male supermodels.
“Perverted, like a dead fish”
And yet when they first made eye contact with him, neither Saki nor Iroha were fazed AT ALL. Saki just calmly returned his gaze, and Iroha? She took one look at him and smiled. Didn’t have to visibly make an effort to smile either. She liked him from the start. Why is that?
Also, I love that Iroha seemingly taking an immediate liking to Hachiman made him suspicious of her. He has seen too many girls who had visibly reacted to his eyes and then forced themselves to smile and be polite. Iroha is not one of those girls.
“I can be quite creative with my insults”
Yukino turning down would-be suitors. I love Yukino.
Nathaniel Howe: (to Velanna) ‘You are a terrible person.’ (pause) ‘And your ears are clownish.’
“What are you thinking about? You don’t want to know”
I cackled again imagining a woman trying to seduce Hachiman and Hachiman giving that same reply to her.
“surely be too far”
For who? And by what standards?
“looking for some strength she’d locked away, and then reached out”
She initiated the physical contact.
“we did agree, didn’t we? To be irrational with each other”
I’ve said it before; in my opinion, How To Raise A Boring Girlfriend is a very underrated anime. It’s not a long-running series; it does not overstay its welcome, and ends where it wanted to end.
I hope for an HTRABG/Oregairu crossover one day. Tomoya Aki deciding to make one of Hachiman’s love interests the model for the female protagonist of his visual novel. Also, the Service Club working with Tomoya’s team has way too much potential.
What kind of visual novel would Yukino write? What would be its genre, its setting? What would the characters be like, appearance and personality-wise?
GOF, I think that’s yet another Oregairi-fanfic synopsis right there; an Oregairu character becoming a visual novel creator-slash-writer. Anyone who reads this and is a writer, please consider it!
“a paintbrush of red light across the wall that landed on the woman’s face”
GOF, you have a style of writing that is unlike any other in the Oregairu-fandom, and that includes Sage and SouBU. There is a sort of…psychological or psychedelic (I can’t think of a better word) factor to your stories that none of the others have, or at least not one that is similar to yours.
“the wallpaper’s still dreadful”
Years later, Hachiman and Yukino return to the hotel together and are disappointed to find that the new wallpaper is now of good or average quality.
“I haven’t seen too many like you”
In this story he has never met nor interacted with Kawasaki Saki. In Oregairu, of his four love interests Hachiman finds her to be the most physically attractive one. To be fair, Saki is the most physically fit of the four; she is skilled in Karate after all.
“It’s more convenient to watch something from afar”
Never meet your heroes. Ever.
“all your writing had a distinct voice, your voice…they’re both the same”
GOF, now you’re just showing off that you’re a great writer. Yes, I’m cackling again. Thank you for this story. Without great stories, where would we be? (looks at Bards in Forgotten Realms who are of Evil alignment) Goddammit.
“the only word I can think of is masculine. Masculine, and a little rough”
For some reason I thought of Geralt of Rivia. And I don’t even like Geralt. (Lambert is my favorite Witcher-character. He and Yennefer are both jerks, with the big difference being that unlike Yennefer, Lambert can both give and receive insults)
“being called a pervert is a classic”
By what standard of appearances do those people subscribe to when evaluating Hachiman by his appearance? When I look at his character design, I don’t see a sexual deviant, I just think of the word ‘tired.’
“the question’s intensity”
Seriously, GOF, you have come a LONG way since Wedding Anniversary. It makes me wonder what that story would be like if you were to tackle it again.
“For some reason, I never cared much for them…Reminds you there are other things out there”
Do Yui, Saki and Iroha look at the stars as well?
“I forgot what kissing tasted like. So did I”
But neither of them have ever been in love until they met each other. I wonder what it felt like for them to kiss someone they do not love.
“Would there be much point…A name’s meaningless anyway”
This story has made me smile so many times. The quality of the dialogue here is superb.
“I don’t want this to be over by tomorrow morning. If we go any further”
Not even an unforgettable one night of passion. Yukino wants to go all the way with this. She wants a committed relationship.
“The easiest promise I’ve ever made”
This didn’t surprise me in the slightest, not after having read everything else that had transpired between them up to this point. This development feels natural and makes sense.
“striking eyes”
Well, Hachiman certainly has those, though they tend to make people uncomfortable. Sagami’s expression in the anime as Hachiman tortures her is horrifying.
“it wasn’t love”
is she referring to Hayato here? For better and for worse, Hayato is an important person in Yukino’s life. His words and actions affected her greatly and have stayed with her.
“he wasn’t very gentle”
I strongly suspect that – however strained or dysfunctional their relationship was/is – if she had learned of this, that Haruno would have made the man pay dearly for his actions.
“a girlfriend. We went out for three weeks…not putting in the effort”
Why did he start the short-lived relationship in the first place?
“Not knowing each other’s name”
In my opinion, there is no problem with having sex or violence in a story. The key is to know what to do to prevent them from being gratuitous.
“He stole a glance at her bedside table. A digital clock stood there”
This made me laugh.
“I know what I’m feeling. I’m not ashamed of it. Not anymore”
In my opinion, the bravest character in Season 2 of the Oregairu anime is Yui.
“it looks wonderful”
S01E08 of True Detective.
“In a way, Hikigaya Hachiman and Yukinoshita Yukino had been dreaming of each other their whole lives”
You really did save the best line of this story for last, GOF.
(looks at A Doll’s Eyes) Hmm…(looks at Flicker of the Streetlights) (sigh) Yeah…that’s the problem when you love more than one person and refuse to lie to them or to yourself. It would be challenging, daunting, difficult and fascinating to follow a story in which Hachiman still cares greatly for Yukino while already being in a committed romantic relationship with someone else whom he loves very much. Dammit. This is all Hachiman’s fault.

Thanks again for this story, GOF.
11/1/2020 c1 1CMY187
“instead, they meet in a London hotel in their twenties, for two jet-lagged nights where shortness of time may allow for honesty of feeling”
This entire story feels to me like an OVA that takes place in an alternate timeline/reality that is no less believable than the events of Oregairu. I still hold out hope of Watari writing a novel series with the Oregairu characters as adults. The characters just have way too much potential.
“found the note in the hotel corridor”
Years later, they would look back and reminisce on this; that by sheer chance Yukino dropped the note and Hachiman found it.
“tasteless diamond-patterned carpet”
I’m smiling already.
“a sense of intrigue to a location pitifully lacking in it”
(looks at Hachiman’s indifference toward Miura Yumiko) I winced. Poor Miura. I wonder how her life has progressed in this story.
“too tired to fall asleep”
I love this line.
“had a bit more colour and flavor than the area’s obligatory chain hotel”
Yukino and Hachiman would certainly remember this particular hotel for the remainder of their lives.
“That, and he was bored”
I thought of Dr James Wilson having been married three times.
“the only language he could claim solid comprehension of”
History, Literature and Japanese Language. Those are the subjects he excelled in, if I am correct.
“trying to speak with Londoners”
A Japanese person trying to talk to a Cockney. Goddammit, this is too much.
“no place in the world that he found more joy in than Chiba”
Where is Komachi in this story?
“a like minded cynic”
I’m guessing that in this timeline, Kawasaki Saki is currently wrenching a suspect’s arm behind their back in an agonizing hold while kicking away the suspect’s weapon, and Isshiki Iroha has just gotten through financially ruining yet another client in a confidant scam, is currently married to a dumb rich man, and is discretely siphoning her husband’s money into her own off-shore bank account while she schemes to bring about a legitimate reason to divorce him; no one would know that the woman who’d seduce and be photographed entering a motel with Iroha’s husband was hired by Iroha, not even the woman herself. And journalist Yuigahama Yui is ignoring the implorations of her friends and family not to travel to a dangerous, war-torn nation to learn of and share the personal stories and accounts of the people who live there, from the lowest commoner to the highest-ranking government officials and/or dictator.
ARGH, this series and its fanfiction! Look at what you’ve done to me, GOF!
“additional entertainment factor”
Hachiman is a jerk.
“excessively, impossibly, unrelentingly bored”
I love this story. Yukino was probably considering just having a fling with whoever is writing to her for no reason other than to do something, anything, but she formed a close personal connection and bond with the mysterious person instead.
“I fear that I am too inebriated”
Yui and Yukino being drunk and talking to each other. Same for Iroha and Saki. Actually, I just want the whole Oregairu cast to be drunk and to talk to one another. Goddammit, someone please write that.
“I have just written a double negative”
GOF, you are one of the best Yukino-writers. Your writing of her character always makes me smile.
“even when in this intoxicated state”
(sigh) Why does she hold herself to such high standard all the time?
“I just wrote the same thing twice. This is most distressing”
A drunk Stannis Baratheon. Someone please write that ASOIAF story.
“These trips on behalf of my family’s business are so tiresome”
Perhaps after what happened in this story, Yukino decided to just cut loose; go where she wants, do what she wants, be with who wants to be with. She’d lose the financial resources and the influence of her family, and it would be a gigantic gamble she would be taking with her life, but other than that, what does she have to lose and to gain?
“I didn’t have to. But I did anyway. That was very foolish of me”
Yukino is a fascinating character. It’s tragic that she never met Yui in this story. Yui in Oregairu is no less important to Yukino than Hachiman is.
“very obnoxious, like most of my family’s business associates”
I am now more curious about the Yukinoshita family business.
“but he was rich and involved with us so I suppose meeting him was important in some way”
No wonder Yukino’s mother became such a cold person. (looks at the intimidating Kawasaki Saki who would fit right in the occupation of law enforcement) I wonder what the Kawasaki parents are like; their individual backstories and upbringings. Saki’s younger brother is close to Komachi, of all people.
“Why on earth did I decide…no particular affection for drinking”
Yukino wanted to obliterate herself. Judging by the events of this story, I’d say she should drink more often. Drunk-Yukino seems to be wiser and smarter than Sober-Yukino.
“appallingly tasteless wallpaper”
A story in which every character comments at least once on the terrible wallpaper in the hotel. Sounds like a Coen Brothers movie.
“I replied that I am from Japan and he looked baffled”
Is it wrong that I snickered at this?

I am now a very bored JAPANESE woman”
How much fun did you have writing Drunk-Yukino, GOF?
“seeing a rational person drunk was infinitely more funny than watching an irrational person be even more so”
I agree.
“the world was indiscernible enough for him when sober”
I dunno, Hachiman, being a noir-protagonist demands that you drink at least one or two glasses of alcohol per day.
“the part of him that whispered how close room 29 was”
Honestly, Hachiman as an adult CAN become a ladies’ man without even having to change his overall appearance and general demeanor if he wishes to. But having casual relationships is the very last thing that he wants. He is so opposed towards superficiality and insincerity. He wouldn’t just love you, he would love you intensely.
“throwing some of his clothes around to remedy things”
I wonder what Saki’s room is like.
“Far too awake”
Reading Yukino’s note has made him feel more alive than he has felt in a very long time.
“some gory police drama”
This story is making me smile so much.
“which would surely have been a crushing reveal for someone who knew English”
“This proved more intriguing than he’d first thought”
Still smiling. Also, if it were Iroha exchanging notes with him, she would have totally broken into, searched and planted a surveillance camera in his room. I still love so much that she is a major/main character in A Doll’s Eyes.
“a hypothetical personality, a hypothetical appearance and a hypothetical life story”
Hachiman, have you ever considered writing your own light novel series? I recommend the title, ‘Love & Coffee.’
By the way, I’m gonna declare that as far as I am concerned, the L&C light novel series exists across all of GOF’s stories. Miura Yumiko at first tries to claim not to have read it only to admit thirty seconds later that yes, she does. Hayato read it too and boy would his true thoughts on the series be interesting to read considering who is the inspiration for all three of Etsuji’s love interests. Seriously, GOF, as much as A Doll’s Eyes is 100 percent my kind of Oregairu fanfic, I STILL say that Love & Coffee is my favorite story of yours. Congrats again for it getting an Omake.
“told him of”
Hachiman, you are WASTED as a literary journalist. I say you should become a different kind of journalist. I recommend gonzo. You’d need a typewriter, alcohol and lots of recreational drugs.
“a person who disliked feelings…their considerable intellect and partly because they’d never learnt how to feel…a family business, of a sister that seemed like she might be interfering…relentlessly teased at school, and just as relentlessly admired…strong and commanding, but scratch beneath the surface and a plethora of insecurities would tumble out”
…oh my God. Oh Lord, why, WHY does Yukino HAVE to keep reminding me of Stannis? She is SO MUCH LIKE HIM it’s goddamn ridiculous! Any ASOIAF/Oregairu crossover would absolutely need to write Hachiman having a very strong reaction to meeting and interacting with Stannis. And there already is one (at Questionable Questing) in which Hachiman aka Artys Arryn son of Lord Jon Arryn meets Stannis in King’s Landing and quickly concludes that Stannis is ‘Yukino but worse.’
“attractive but not too attractive. She wore large-rimmed glasses and she had short hair. Short hair had never been his type”
(looks at Iroha in the Oregairu VN growing her hair long) I hope there is an English-translated version of the VN on the way. Apparently there are routes for Totsuka and Shizuka. And…Miura and Meguri? What? Now I HAVE to read that VN. I don’t expect to like it, but I still want to.
“not having sex in over a year would leave anyone having to keep their thoughts in check”
Why is the libido in human men so strong? It’s ridiculous. Is it really so important for humanity biologically speaking to reproduce? Aren’t there too MANY people in the world? Eh, not to worry, we’ll just have a couple of wars and there would probably be a few natural disasters, maybe a plague or two. (shrugs) The planet always seems to find a way to right itself. If we destroy ourselves with nuclear weapons, it is just gonna keep on spinning.
“intelligent, rich and strong-minded…beautiful as well”
(looks at Yennefer in the Witcher series) In my opinion, Yennefer is NONE of the above qualities. She is NOT intelligent; she makes enemies and antagonizes people everywhere she goes. And she is not rich either; she has money, jewelry, fine clothing and at the same time she has nothing. Strong-minded? She has an incredibly fragile ego and usually turns to violence, a condescending attitude or just plain dismissal whenever it gets bruised which is very often. And finally I don’t find her to be beautiful or attractive; I find her repulsive.
It would be very interesting in my opinion for Yukino, Yui and Hachiman to meet Yennefer. And Iroha; the big difference between Yennefer and Iroha is that Iroha has self-awareness, is fully aware that she is a sociopath, and has no shame.
“For her to be beautiful as well would be unrealistic, and unfair to other women”
So how many women in London gave Yukino looks of resentment and/or jealousy?
“teenage angst”
“a brief but passionate affair with a K-pop singer at university”
Wait, WHAT? Hachiman, you should be writing this down! Your company might decide to publish it as a fiction novel! This could be your new career right here!
Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hachiman does become an author after this story.
“it was raw, and a part of him decided that said more”
Of course. This here encompasses the character that is Hikigaya Hachiman.
“For some reason I felt compelled”
I wanted to wait until I got to it, but sod it; for me, the best line of this story is its very last one. But perhaps that would change after I have finished reviewing it.
“you don’t seem all that bad. Your note was fun to read…you’re not an idiot”
Voldemort in Harry Potter & The Methods of Rationality. Now THAT is a terrifying villain. Not the one in the canonical novel series by Rowling. I don’t HATE the HP series, but good Lord are the villains and antagonists such walking cartoons. And I was hoping so badly that they were mere diversions and distractions from Dumbledore being revealed to be the true villain the whole time. Kinda like the reveal/twist in Dragon Age: Inquisition which in my opinion did it properly.
“I don’t like that word”
Neither of them do. Which is probably why this all happened to them.
“you’re absolutely right about the wallpaper”
Some time later, the hotel undergoes renovation and changes its wallpaper. And the new one is even worse than the old one. The hotel makes many improvements and becomes more popular yet the wallpaper always manages to be terrible.
“disliked the unexplainable”
So she set out to learn more about him.
“they half convinced him he could fall asleep”
I wonder if both of them were suffering from insomnia in this story.
“that had seemed…strangely impersonal”
Why is this story so good.
“a couple of his mates from university”
“He pushed away those who bothered to try”
Why did he? Looks like there was no Hiratsuka Shizuka in his life in this tale.
“Would she fill in the blanks of his life”
I love this so much. Actually, I would love to follow a story in which Hayato goes through something similar; a correspondence with someone who only knows about Hayato what the latter wishes for them to know.
“decided to try his luck with me, as did several others at the pub I visited”
Whereas Hachiman took the time to just talk to her as a person rather than a sexual prospect; what she is feeling and thinking. To be fair, he was able to glean information about her from her note.
“he had moved over some precipice, into a chasm of feeling that he didn’t understand”
Chapter 3 of A Doll’s Eyes is going to be amazing.
“they had forgotten they were tired, and part of what it meant to be themselves”
(looks at A Doll’s Eyes) Heh…that was where he discovered what he wanted to do with his life. And Love & Coffee is a story in which Yukino’s written words inspired him to write a love confession in the form of a novel series. Broken Glass is a story which shows, in all its ugly beauty and beautiful ugliness, what Hachiman values above all else. GOF, you are an incredible writer.
Seriously, the thought of an anime OVA in which Hayato is murdered and Hachiman burns all his bridges and destroys the Service Club to uncover the culprit is spine-tingling.
“several Japanese authors had been nominated for prizes”
Hachiman, you should become an author yourself.
“all the secrets they’d revealed having never done so before”
Dammit. Now I wish I could have read ALL of their correspondence. But I can see why you chose to go over the majority of it and to focus on the most important ones.
“everywhere he heard the trumpet notes”
He HAD to meet her face-to-face. If he hadn’t, it would have haunted him to the end of his life.
“this itself prompted an hour long discussion of their favorite books”
They share things that they like about each other, but they will inevitably learn of the less-than-positive aspects. Said it before; love is a choice.
“the ‘Nee-san’ she mentioned was difficult, her Kaa-san difficult to please, her Oto-san absent and hard to engage with”
I am curious of how you would write Iroha and Saki’s families and upbringings in A Doll’s Eyes. Iroha in particular is NOT a good person, knows that she is bad, and doesn’t seem to care. That’s…not a common personality trait. Most people who are bad tell others and themselves that they are not.
“She lived a good part of her life according to their wishes, and hated it”
I know what that feels like. Yukino can choose to walk away and pursue what she wants with no regard to anything else, but it seems that in Oregairu and in this story, she is afraid of what she would be giving up.
“despite their affection for him”
Love has never stopped people from hurting each other.
“most of the familial warmth in his life was afforded by his sister”
In my opinion, any scene in which Haruno and Komachi interact with each other is the best scene.
“He still didn’t know what she looked like”
‘I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who I’m talking to.’ – Breaking Bad.
“as fragile as it was intangible”
If they want to improve AND maintain what they have with each other, they must both take a big step. And they did.
“doing what he’d always done. It allowed him to hide. From himself, and from others”
Middle school. Once bitten, twice shy.
“so many beautiful secrets”
By the end of this story, they cannot go back now; they can only move forward knowing what they know of each other.
“Her plane back to Japan…He was to leave the same day”
I’m guessing that they’re both going to miss their flights. They would be fools to throw away what they built over these few nights.
“just as quickly as she’d landed in it”
I recommend the The Punisher: Soviet comic mini-series (2019 – 2020). It’s strange how quickly you can form a connection/bond with someone within minutes of meeting them while struggling to build any sort of rapport with another person for YEARS. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, far too many people mistake lust for love.
“I will be irrational with you if you will be irrational with me”
There is just something about this line that I find to be beautiful. I used Google to translate it to Japanese: ‘Anata ga watashi ni fugōri ni narunara, watashi wa anata ni fugōri ni narimasu.’
“He couldn’t take that as permission”
What would this story be like to follow from Yukino’s perspective?
“The notion of…a regret that would linger for however long”
What do you have to lose, Hachiman?
“The fear of being seen, and sneered at, and told to leave”
If Yukino had done that, then she is a person whom Hachiman need not waste any time nor effort in devoting even a single thought to.
“enough to close off his heart permanently”
But somehow he knew that she wouldn’t do that to him.
“His entire world…taking on the peculiar inconsistency of a dream”
In my opinion this is definitely a Noir-genre story. It is DISTURBING how easily I could see Hachiman getting into a series of events as insane and chaotic (and bloody) as the Max Payne series.
“slammed it shut”
There is no way that she did not hear him.
“quiet and a little sad and a little disappointed”
In a way, Yukino was communicating to Hachiman that she would like to meet him face-to-face and is upset that he is refusing to do so.
“people could be too alike”
What IF Hachiman were to meet a woman who is EXACTLY like him? Komachi at least pretends to be different. What if there is someone whose general behavior and demeanor are the exact same as Hachiman’s? In my opinion it would have to be a different set of circumstances and events from what Hachiman went through in school and at home in his middle school years.
“he couldn’t drown out”
She has consumed his mind, and I’m guessing that it is vice versa for her.
“it hummed in the distance like an approaching swarm of locusts”
I wonder which city in the world would be the one that Hachiman dislikes or even hates the most.
“addressing the city in his head”
I smiled at this.
“What should I do?”
What you want to do, Hachiman.
“the city didn’t answer”
This made me think of the ending of the Welcome Back, Frank comic mini-series (2000). Frank Castle is a narcissistic psychopath.
“She deserves them”
I’m listening to this as I type: Beautiful Relaxing Music: Romantic Music, Piano Music, Guitar Music, Instrumental Music 73 (by Soothing Relaxation on Youtube)
“The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro”
(looks it up on Wikipedia) A 1989 novel by Kazuo who is…British? And there’s a 1993 movie adaptation starring Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson? Color me intrigued.
“the only one he ever let go”
Learn from the mistakes of others. Do your utmost not to repeat them.
“No doubt you will take heed of the fact that”
She is not happy with him.
“In an ideal world”
Ah, that phrase. Too bad it never is like that, huh?
“In the short time I have ‘known’ you”
Hmm. What if Hachiman had corresponded with Yui, Yukino, Saki and/or Iroha by email or the written word before meeting them in person?
“a new and impulsive addition that I really should cross out”
But she did not. She wanted him to know that she cannot stop thinking about him.
“desperately wanted things to be like they were last night”
Due to the shortness of time, they both made that big step much, much sooner than they would have in other circumstances. Is this what it means to be vulnerable?
“I’ve had troubling opening up to others”
In a way, speaking to each other via written word was more effective than if they had tried to talk face-to-face from the start.
“regardless of how petty or superficial I tell myself they are”
Unfortunately, all too often you learn that people in real life are MORE petty an
10/28/2020 c1 YuukiAsuna-Chan
This was so good. Wonder if there will be a follow up to this at some point.
10/26/2020 c1 1Crusada de Lata
This is sweet as hell and a definite good read. GG author, this one is great.
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