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for Killer Vacation: The 45th Hunger Games SYOT Parody

11/9/2020 c1 35SilverflowerXRavenpaw
Ok this chapter was pretty much what I'd call ok. It's really really good for a first story, but it's going to be something to community doesn't vibe with, if you know what I mean. You did a nice job keeping a balance between showing and telling what was going on, but a touch more showing might be good with a tad less telling. However, the main thing I'd say is you're going to want to write a bit longer. For the most part, people try to write at least 500 word POVs, but that is optional. However, some people are picky and could be discouraged from reading if they think the characters won't be fully fleshed out, so it's good to write really thick paragraphs, just to keep the readers happy.

You did a great job establishing Perfecta and Gary-Stu and how terrible of characters they are. I think everyone knows exactly what was submitted here, so that's awesome! You're great at letting everyone know who's being written. Just try to flourish a bit more in length.
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