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9/13 c12 keybladelight
Well i wonder how you gonna make bell be wtih hestia.
9/4 c13 Guest
Please continue writing. This fanfix is really interesting.
8/23 c10 6Primus2021
I wonder if Sakura "Parvati" Matou, and Rider Medusa will show up?
8/13 c11 1Archangel Xireon Chaos God
ima be honest. I don't see many gammical errors, if any. Im likin how story is goin so far so... meh. I aint got an issue ta bring up. sorry if that doesn't help u. at least I aint the only one stumped on how to proceed with makin a new chappy.
8/13 c13 6Rankin de Merthyr
Most parts of the story feel fine but, and it's a really big but here; your characters speak a bit robotic. It feels like someone wrote it in another language before translating but couldn't quite convey tone, emotions, etc. Is that the case?

As for solving it, maybe pick up a published book? Like the Stormlight Archive from Brandon Sanderson. Failing that, you could try downloading lightnovel torrents at Nyaa dot si. Obviously, change the dot text to the actual punctuation mark. Damn FFnet and its refusal to post links.

Paraconscious also has that problem, I feel. He just hides it better.
8/13 c13 2samuraix04.xz
Maybe Shirou policing the god because they can become out of hand. Two lovers rin and saber. reviews the two anime to help gain ideas.
8/12 c13 5ThousandMastery
Sure. For one, why is Rin fine with running Ishtar’s business? In fact DM and Fate Ishtar are two very different people. One is more willing to spread their legs than the other, and using Rin as a vessel when a certain aspect is pretty much FLAT when going up against a rival goddess of beauty is questionable. Second, why ‘Shiro’ and not ’EMIYA’ who was already a literal divine spirit like example Berserker except he is a super efficient killing machine popping up everywhere across spacetime.
Third, nobody likes canon Shiro (of the four routes anyway) and therefore writes their own fanon version of him. The only time we get to see a fully grown Shiro that isn’t one dimensional is the one stuck in a black company version of the afterlife who is still, somehow mentally stable after experiencing a convoluted eternity of dreams by absorbing memories of the copies of himself being thrown into countless timelines that has 9/10 chance of him somehow showing up to kill something. People, aliens, espers, sabotage, whatever.
8/8 c2 Andreas
So why have him be a god when hes pretending to be an adventurer, and gods aren't allowed in the dungeon either way? And gods cant have falna or use their power on the lower world. And I guess this is AU considering it's quite easy to tell if someone is a god according to the original source? Either way wanted to see him run a familia rather than fight, would have been way more interesting to see him struggle against his ideals while still wanting to help people.

You set an interesting premise and then immediately went against it to write something way more boring, what a shame.
8/2 c4 KureijiRyuu
Ais' father's adventure happened thousands of years ago, before the Gods passed away and the dungeon was sealed so it's unlikely he's alive.
7/13 c10 Guest
Great, another Rin fic. Thanks but no thanks. I was hoping for a harem fic not yet another Rin monogamy fic.
7/13 c12 Guest
I’m pretty sure the thing about Muramasa not liking to cook is a lie, since IIRC there’s specifically a line that he mentions Castoria’s liking for his meals
7/13 c8 JonnyBoboThe1st
I feel like things are going a little fast so far, but I’d rather things go fast than go nowhere so I’m fine with it. I’ll keep reading
7/13 c12 Sagely Sage
Thanks for the chapter
7/13 c12 NoaRien
Great job loved it
7/13 c12 RoyalTwinFangs
Nice chapter
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