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12/2/2020 c5 For-England-James
Can’t wait for the next chapter, this story is really ramping up and I can’t wait to see it happen!
12/2/2020 c5 MpJames
Once again; I only hope it gets better.
12/2/2020 c5 anarion87
nice chapter
11/30/2020 c4 Guest
This whole extended prologue felt mostly like a waste of time. You didn't truly begin the story and mostly laid a groundwork that could—and in my opinion, should—have been weaved into a story starting at year 4. All you've really done here is ruin your own flow and story by forcing canon in every chapter without actually having anything truly interesting or worth reading about happen yet.

I get it, you wanted the readers to understand what had happened to him up to year 4, but it was not worth this.
12/2/2020 c5 odonnellzoo99
Truly excellent writing. Looking forward to the next chapter and a Fleur POV.
11/30/2020 c4 Guest
wtf is it with him respecfully bowing at everyone all the time? have you been reading asian novels?
12/2/2020 c5 1ILikeHotDogs
Okay. Good shit. I’m excited.
12/2/2020 c5 BlaszczeM
Okay. I won't say anything on the plot, since it was rather short, but you need to fix up Tom's speech. Last chapter, and most of this one, for some reason Tom spoke normally, as if he were talking aloud, not in Harry's head - in cursive. It really broke the flow whenever he spoke, since I had to go back a few times and think what he said (for example, last chapter was a dialogue when Tom spoke up, and only after I looked again the dialogue made sense).
This chapter, a few lines he spoke in cursive, but more of them normally. It's like if you wrote thoughts as dialogue - not even when the characters are thinking out loud, but actual thoughts, as dialogue in the middle of a conversation.
12/2/2020 c5 Ratchetx7
Still loving this story, excited for more!
12/2/2020 c5 1Majerus
Several times you have Tom's dialogue in normal text, as opposed to italics, to help us differentiate Tom's thought speech.

It's too bad that Sirius did not broach the subject of Animagus study. With Harry a Transfiguration prodigy, it would be something for them to bond over.

It would be very nice if you would incorporate scene breaks, especially as you seem to jump jump jump in this chapter.

Simple dashes ' - - - - - ',
The story title initials ' AFFTS '
Or a number of other small ways to show the transition from one scene to another would be quite appreciated.

Tom can speak in Harry's mind, why is Harry continuing to ignore thinking back to Tom? The mute action of 'nodding' is especially ridiculous, how is Tom supposed to know that Harry is nodding, shrugging or just ignoring him?

"
he reverted to what he did best and a trio of blades and sent them
"
what did best and conjured?

Very good bridge chapter, with lots of little details that definitely help draw the story forward.
12/2/2020 c5 bdwilliams3
Wonderful work! Story foundation is excellent, interested to watch things develop!
12/2/2020 c5 hooplah
Ooh this got interesting, I'm excited for the introduction of Fleur.

I think there were a few more writing crurches which arent my favourite. Specifically needless flashbacks and some bluring of perspectives but nothing too major.

I think it would be a good idea to make it clearer the differences in pace between here and patreon.

Eg. I will continue posting here once a week until the story is completed or caught up to patreon so look forward to regular updates. I have currently been uploading an average of 2 chaoters a week on patreon and there are now 4 more on there for you to view in addition to my original ideas.
I expect patreon to only get further ahead etc.

I don't know how true that was but if you maintain a quick and regular upload pace on ffn then I don't think people can get annoyed but knowing there are a bank of extra chapters would make me more likely to pay.
12/2/2020 c5 NorGuard
This story makes me smile everytime i read a new chapter. Love your amazing work.
12/2/2020 c5 TehStorm
Another great chapter, i truly love your writting style and your stories. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Definitely loving the fast update pace that you are giving us.

Anyways, can't wait to see fleur and harry interact.

Btw, have you ever given a thought about writting storys for other franchises? Don't know why i think you would make amazing storys for franchises like a song of ice and fire.
12/2/2020 c5 jslee102
Another nice chapter. I look forward to the upcoming chapters. Are you saying that the next chapter will be all Fleur or that it will just be part of it?
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