for Devil's Tempest1/7/2021 c3 
1FailedKeikaku
I tried hard to like this story, but it feels like a cheap old idiotic naruto rip off story. with the whole "Arashi" (Minato's unofficial fanfic name) and now whisker marks and other crap. It's just not for my im afraid, so no offence to the people who like it, peace.
1FailedKeikakuI tried hard to like this story, but it feels like a cheap old idiotic naruto rip off story. with the whole "Arashi" (Minato's unofficial fanfic name) and now whisker marks and other crap. It's just not for my im afraid, so no offence to the people who like it, peace.
1/5/2021 c1 Xenozip
Raynare... Jonin speed, really, fucking REALLY.
If a 2 winged fallen angel could have Jonin speed without any kind of magic technique assisting them then game over, by that logic Michael could one shot Kaguya.
Raynare... Jonin speed, really, fucking REALLY.
If a 2 winged fallen angel could have Jonin speed without any kind of magic technique assisting them then game over, by that logic Michael could one shot Kaguya.
1/2/2021 c3 5plums
...
nothing like leaving a downed enemy where they fell and not:
1) Capturing her
2) finishing them off so you don't have to fight them again.
why is your character a Grade A-1 dumbass?
5plums...
nothing like leaving a downed enemy where they fell and not:
1) Capturing her
2) finishing them off so you don't have to fight them again.
why is your character a Grade A-1 dumbass?
1/2/2021 c3 6kurokitsune028
Nature training huh? Well I would choose wind for offensive techniques and either water or earth since the have a good mix of defensive and offensive techniques like the water style: Water prison jutsu or the earth style: Head hunter jutsu
6kurokitsune028Nature training huh? Well I would choose wind for offensive techniques and either water or earth since the have a good mix of defensive and offensive techniques like the water style: Water prison jutsu or the earth style: Head hunter jutsu
1/2/2021 c3 MDM11
Can you have Arashi give Flyers to Murayama, Katase and Aika Kiryuu so they can summon him it would be cool as not many stories make use of their characters
Can you have Arashi give Flyers to Murayama, Katase and Aika Kiryuu so they can summon him it would be cool as not many stories make use of their characters
12/29/2020 c2 12Aster's Descendants
Aside from some quotation problems, it seems interesting. My main issue is that it feels a little rushed in terms of the relationships already being formed. This kind of story is one I would say to pull back a bit on the romance hinting (at least until after Riser shows up), and fix up some of the awkward quotation marks in the middle of dialogue. He only just met these girls, so it doesn't make much sense for them to already be considering dropping their panties for him.
As for adding other characters from different anime...I'd recommend not doing more than a cameo, just for the sake of keeping it within the category. (This is a personal preference, but I never liked when stories like this brought in random girls from other media just for the sake of a massive harem. You do what you want, I can't stop you.)
I'm keeping an eye on this one. I want to see where it goes and how it improves.
12Aster's DescendantsAside from some quotation problems, it seems interesting. My main issue is that it feels a little rushed in terms of the relationships already being formed. This kind of story is one I would say to pull back a bit on the romance hinting (at least until after Riser shows up), and fix up some of the awkward quotation marks in the middle of dialogue. He only just met these girls, so it doesn't make much sense for them to already be considering dropping their panties for him.
As for adding other characters from different anime...I'd recommend not doing more than a cameo, just for the sake of keeping it within the category. (This is a personal preference, but I never liked when stories like this brought in random girls from other media just for the sake of a massive harem. You do what you want, I can't stop you.)
I'm keeping an eye on this one. I want to see where it goes and how it improves.
12/20/2020 c1 Guest
Few things to clarify: 9 pawn pieces should be eight, pieces that mutate on their own is weird, MC basically kills Issei by stealing his sacred gear in some sort of subconscious third wish? I’m confused by that part, also he gets killed by a low rank fallen is kinda pathetic and if it’s said that he doesn’t know how to use his power how did he harm Raynare in the first place and how did he already learn to manipulate chakra? Just saying there is a lot that needs clarification.
Few things to clarify: 9 pawn pieces should be eight, pieces that mutate on their own is weird, MC basically kills Issei by stealing his sacred gear in some sort of subconscious third wish? I’m confused by that part, also he gets killed by a low rank fallen is kinda pathetic and if it’s said that he doesn’t know how to use his power how did he harm Raynare in the first place and how did he already learn to manipulate chakra? Just saying there is a lot that needs clarification.
12/20/2020 c2 1Sen Tobi
Heh~ This going well. Also, water and wind sound nice together yes? Another question, will he snag some MILF's along the journey? Coz it would be really awesome if he did!
1Sen TobiHeh~ This going well. Also, water and wind sound nice together yes? Another question, will he snag some MILF's along the journey? Coz it would be really awesome if he did!
12/10/2020 c1 guest
a self-insert gary stu who remplace Issei? it's even worse than Naruto
terrible idea
a self-insert gary stu who remplace Issei? it's even worse than Naruto
terrible idea
12/11/2020 c1 prbenjamin
4th. Now I want a gift! For being the 4th Person here. Time for some Praise and Critique. Praise first! Good Chapter Length, Good Grammar and Thank you for making some sense. First, I don't know how the hell he yoinked Ddraig but I guess I will just go with the flow. Have a slow build up to the loving part of the story maybe the middle of the second Arc? Or the End of the First Arc? If you make him OP atleast have him use Shadow Clones to do it, I don't wanna see him saying "Oh. I trained." No, Absolutely Not. I will not stand for that. There are 8 Pawns not Nine. Koneko or Rias didn't know Issei had the Boosted Gear when they first met him but you know, It's whatever. If you ever need help with Fight Scenes. I gotchu. If you need help with Rated R Scenes, They call me The C00CH1E GENERAL. Just letting you know! Peace!
4th. Now I want a gift! For being the 4th Person here. Time for some Praise and Critique. Praise first! Good Chapter Length, Good Grammar and Thank you for making some sense. First, I don't know how the hell he yoinked Ddraig but I guess I will just go with the flow. Have a slow build up to the loving part of the story maybe the middle of the second Arc? Or the End of the First Arc? If you make him OP atleast have him use Shadow Clones to do it, I don't wanna see him saying "Oh. I trained." No, Absolutely Not. I will not stand for that. There are 8 Pawns not Nine. Koneko or Rias didn't know Issei had the Boosted Gear when they first met him but you know, It's whatever. If you ever need help with Fight Scenes. I gotchu. If you need help with Rated R Scenes, They call me The C00CH1E GENERAL. Just letting you know! Peace!
12/10/2020 c1 holosagewolf32
Also... rereading i have a question... in chess their are only 8 pawns and the evil pieces follow the same concept sooo how did she use 9? Also love the story cant wait for more
Also... rereading i have a question... in chess their are only 8 pawns and the evil pieces follow the same concept sooo how did she use 9? Also love the story cant wait for more