for To Belong8/31 c1 Gift of Light
Hey, friendly criticism, the dialogue for Naruto doesn't make sense, Naruto has never been that formal sounding even when the situation actually calls for it. "It matters not, father, I'm about to die anyway. So, who is my mother? I'm sure you didn't create a female clone to insert your seed inside her, did you?" This us a while statement and all but Naruto would never say mother, female clone or insert your seed, even ignoring that it's in his character to be grossed out by details like that he'd be more relaxed e.g. "So who's my mom? You didn't just fuck a clone or something, right?" Then to cap off the comedic moment maybe have Naruto shuffle away and murmer to himself "Well, Pervy Sage mentioned training him, maybe he's a perv too..."
Hey, friendly criticism, the dialogue for Naruto doesn't make sense, Naruto has never been that formal sounding even when the situation actually calls for it. "It matters not, father, I'm about to die anyway. So, who is my mother? I'm sure you didn't create a female clone to insert your seed inside her, did you?" This us a while statement and all but Naruto would never say mother, female clone or insert your seed, even ignoring that it's in his character to be grossed out by details like that he'd be more relaxed e.g. "So who's my mom? You didn't just fuck a clone or something, right?" Then to cap off the comedic moment maybe have Naruto shuffle away and murmer to himself "Well, Pervy Sage mentioned training him, maybe he's a perv too..."
8/30 c5 Guest
So I realized after my last comment you kinda answered that 2 different dimensions are the same with how they move or people age but kakashi is an Ultimate class devil? Nah fan ima dip on this
So I realized after my last comment you kinda answered that 2 different dimensions are the same with how they move or people age but kakashi is an Ultimate class devil? Nah fan ima dip on this
8/30 c4 Guest
All the stories where Naruto plans to return to his world are weird. They never take into account of the fifteenth dimensions progress faster or slower then the other for all Naruto knows he could return and everyone is on their death beds so unless he had a way to and from its a what if situation. Also wouldn’t he be a stray devil after that? What would happen to the evil piece in him, would he create a new species or would it not effect anything these are questions with no answers given
All the stories where Naruto plans to return to his world are weird. They never take into account of the fifteenth dimensions progress faster or slower then the other for all Naruto knows he could return and everyone is on their death beds so unless he had a way to and from its a what if situation. Also wouldn’t he be a stray devil after that? What would happen to the evil piece in him, would he create a new species or would it not effect anything these are questions with no answers given
4/16 c12 
1elkenn
Damn 137 men, I can understand since she went into mating season each year lol
Continue please!
1elkennDamn 137 men, I can understand since she went into mating season each year lol
Continue please!
4/2 c11 Guest
lol, ur wife has some flatboard up her chest, fucking wasn;t even able to enjoy them last night
lol, ur wife has some flatboard up her chest, fucking wasn;t even able to enjoy them last night
4/2 c6 Guest
lol kid, fking rubbing his dick on defenseless girls fucking human poop, why don;t you fuking die
lol kid, fking rubbing his dick on defenseless girls fucking human poop, why don;t you fuking die
4/2 c3 Guest
fucking motherfucker fucking die trash asshole
fucking motherfucker fucking die trash asshole
4/2 c2 Guest
last night i fucked ur mom so hard she started bleeding
last night i fucked ur mom so hard she started bleeding
4/2 c1 Guest
fuking human rash fucking die. how r u even alive you fucking pest
fuking human rash fucking die. how r u even alive you fucking pest
1/12 c3 Suzuran Kishigane
Within the Chapter 2, if I could remember, the amount of Pieces that could've been used on a person is determined on how Strong the King is.
To be more precise of what am I saying is, How come that Sona still required to use 4 Pawn Pieces, despite the fact that, if a Satan Class Devil ever Reincarnate Saji, they might only require 1 Pawn Piece? I am sure that Sona is strong enough to at least use 1 Pieces, along with the rest of the Peerage.
I am saying this, due to what I believe that, due to Naruto, Sona will gain Asia as a Peerage Member,unlike Rias, Asia will be trained properly.
Within the Chapter 2, if I could remember, the amount of Pieces that could've been used on a person is determined on how Strong the King is.
To be more precise of what am I saying is, How come that Sona still required to use 4 Pawn Pieces, despite the fact that, if a Satan Class Devil ever Reincarnate Saji, they might only require 1 Pawn Piece? I am sure that Sona is strong enough to at least use 1 Pieces, along with the rest of the Peerage.
I am saying this, due to what I believe that, due to Naruto, Sona will gain Asia as a Peerage Member,unlike Rias, Asia will be trained properly.
1/5 c2 alsdjhfgljkwebgh
Wow. Oof. Yeesh. Get a beta. I know you abandoned this, so we know you're dumb already, but... yeesh.
Wow. Oof. Yeesh. Get a beta. I know you abandoned this, so we know you're dumb already, but... yeesh.
11/8/2022 c12 Omnipotente Vargas
Are this story and "The Strongest Being is a Slime! " abandoned? Please tell me that you are just taking a break. They are so great it would be a crime they got abandoned...
Are this story and "The Strongest Being is a Slime! " abandoned? Please tell me that you are just taking a break. They are so great it would be a crime they got abandoned...
5/13/2022 c3 Guest
Please update please
Your story is too great to lose please
Please update please
Your story is too great to lose please
3/1/2022 c7 Jmechan24
Haven't he revealed only one holy weapon before, there was no need to go overboard with saji
Haven't he revealed only one holy weapon before, there was no need to go overboard with saji