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for Rebooting Cybertron (REVISED)

10/26/2021 c2 28arctapus
Another great segment. Your talent is evident and your plotting is good. Its always the mechanics that throw people when they write and even though its small its still there. The paragraphs will come. During a conversation when one person talks they usually make it a paragraph unless action or a new idea is being said, then its another one.

Tense is also a thing. Present tense, "I see it rising in the sky," and past tense, "It rose in the sky," are a thing to look out for. I am TERRIBLE with tenses so I read it over a bit before posting. The best way to learn and improve is to keep at it, write, write, write. Points of view (mine, the other guy, talking about me in the third person: Arctapus sees the door. All of it will come with time. The thing about paragraphs is simple. They organize conversations and help you follow the plot.

Remember, think about writing a story as telling someone the story. Its no different but you paint with words. Some people think writing a book is hard. It isn't if you picture yourself talking to someone. Do that and it takes the burden down that writers always put on themselves that this is harder than it is.

Building a readership is one segment at a time. It took a while to get people to read my stuff and then I got a lot of stuff saying 'I didn't read Diego for the longest time because you posted every day and I thought how could that be good?' :D Always reply to readers even if to say thanks. You will build a readership. Remember, its easier to write for yourself when you start without worrying about others coming to read. They will come. Take care. I will review part 3 tomorrow. :D I like this story.
10/22/2021 c1 arctapus
I came to read the story and right away given it was the Insecticons I was drawn in. This is a really nice start. Its a first person viewpoint which I love. You laid out their dilemma right away. I don't usually read or even find a story from the Decepticon side and this one I like. I'm going to read it a bit at a time and post my impressions.

(I taught school for 30 years but I'm not grammar police. I will suggest a few technical things to help you with your growth. They aren't criticisms. I don't believe in belittling or berating someone's vision. Writers must support each other I do believe. I also believe in good supportive and honest feedback)
a great thing. Sometimes people explain their story rather than tell it and it takes something away from it. Also, some write in the wrong tense. Instead of saying, It was clear to Ratchet that the tower was falling so he ran as fast as his big old peds could take him.

They will instead do something like this: I saw the building was going to fall so I ran down the street as fast as I could. There are better examples of this but you'll know when you read it because its a constant recitation of what's going on. It gets irritating to read immediately through no fault of the writer. They don't know about points of view and showing over telling.

The first one showed what Ratchet had to do. The second one told. Showing is the preferred method because its the one that makes the pictures in people's minds.

Paragraphs are a thing you might want to think more about. A paragraph is a set of ideas that are related. A new paragraph is when the ideas change to something else. Example:

John saw his dog run past. He hurried after it, hoping to catch it before it ran to the woods. He saw the chain dragging and tried to grab it but his dog though this was a game so he kept running. John hurried even faster.

The woods were sunny and smelled of pine. The birds sang nearby as John hurried. He could hear a stream nearby and the soft rustle of leaves underfoot. It was hot among the trees in this, the middle of summer.

The dog ran ahead, then slowed to a stop. He looked at his friend, then ran to him. Jumping up and down, the dog let John know he liked their little game.

paragraph one was the chase. Focus: John
paragraph two was the woods where they ran. Focus: Woods
paragraph three was the dog celebrating John. Focus: Dog

Each time that a group of sentences spoke to the same ideas, they were put together. When the ideas changed so did the paragraph. This is a hard thing to do and good training for a budding writer with your talent. Your storytelling is very good. Its always the technical side that is harder. But I tell you that writing is like muscles. They don't grow unless you use them.

I have written at least 2000 words a day for more than eleven years. You don't have to do that but it helps to write every single day that you can even if its only two words. Your talent is there. Now you must grow it. I will read more and let you know as I go but I have the story and you followed. Nice job, dear heart. I love when people begin to write. Its the closest thing to flying without a plan ever.

12/23/2020 c1 15Jdog4161
This has been really fun to write and we hope you guys like it as well. please review what you think about our writing.

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