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10/4 c9 Strlo
Loving what you are putting out. What you went for in your initial 2 to 3 chapters, the descriptive avalanche and following chaos, to in-depth character analysis, helping us see and understand the whole picture, is working out well. At this moment, i remember 5 names that i can put faces to, slowly filling out the family photo for me. These individual character arcs are quite compelling, and the romantic undertones are fairly cute. Ive got mixed feelings about the romance being in this in general, as i dont normally like multiple romance targets unless its a harem, cuz i feel too bad for the ones who dont get chosen, but the interactions are just too precious for me not to enjoy it. I'll be honest and say im not feeling many family vibes yet(besides lincolns thoughts), only romantic, but i expect that itll all develop in the juicier parts of the plot that you have lined up for later. 10/10 piece overall.

Now some questions.
Do you plan to have chapters from the Warren's girl's point of view, or will this be strictly following Lincoln?

Will his sisters come and visit, and have interactions with the Warren's, or is their presence strictly background? Any plans for video or phone calls with the fam? If there are, i can already imagine just how interesting all the interactions would be.

Is there any chance we will learn more about their dad?

Feel free to answer or ignore all questions, as they are just here in case you feel like answering
9/1 c1 1NakaR
Wow, you just gave me the energy to continue the stories I'm writing and for more story ideas. You are a genius. keep up the good work!
8/17 c9 Guest
Please continue your stories.
6/4 c9 Guest
I wish someone would make fanart of your Warren sisters from both your stories I also hope you continue either one of your stories.
4/26 c9 Guest
DoctorYnot you can't instinctively sense blood related family members that's not a thing that's absolute nonsense.
4/15 c9 DoctorYnot
Boy, I can't tell you how honored I am that Fashion would be something you'd like enough to re-read. Thank you so much. I work really hard on my stories and sometimes it can get a little daunting, but honestly, the idea anything I made could have inspired or motivated anyone to try their own hand at writing a Loud House fic makes it all sooo worth it. That's how I got into it myself, someone wrote a Loud House story I really liked and it made me want to do my own part to contribute my little grain of sand to the great whole of this amazing fandom. It really is the nicest thing you could have said and it makes me feel so gratified. The idea that me putting something out there into the world could somehow indirectly lead to a story I love this much being made and me getting to enjoy it, well, just typing that out puts such a big smile on my face. It's not often the universe rewards you like that. Thank you.

As for the ideological war comment, I totally understand what you mean after reading this chapter. The fact that Lincoln is a part of it, that his agenda stems not from some sort of deus ex machina but from his own upbringing and beliefs and that when you get right down to it he is simply another actor in this big conflict with his own deep-rooted, well-exercised need to try and repair a damaged familial relationship when he sees one when the girls remind him so much of his sisters, and maybe even ARE his sisters, is a great aspect to the character.

As for the new chapter, I'll begin my review here.

Ten hundred. God she's cute. The whole way you write her actually, she's got so much personality without it feeling cloying or contrived or schtick-y, just a quirky girl. You really do a great job at that, imbuing them with some understated humanity.

Lincoln instinctively feels comfortable with them I notice, he just slips right into the brother role so naturally (granted he's had a lot of practice!), there's no awkwardness or being overly self aware around them like he might be with stranger girls normally. It's like his body senses they're not strangers. I'd lampshade that if I were you, maybe have a moment where Lincoln wonders about why precisely that is.

"How about – you two – compromise." he offered, feeling like a chew toy between two territorial canines. "And the – three of us – do something – together!"
Cute!
"Yeah." Bertha snarled at Bailey. It seemed like she didn't even notice him. "Like boxing."
Lincoln shrank at that suggestion. "Or beatboxing!"
"Or Wrestling." Bailey growled at Bertha, not noticing him as well.
Lincoln winced. "Or Thumb Wrestling!"
Very clever little scene set-up and execution, you're really good at first creating and then getting the most out of little character-driven interludes like this.

"Or a non-contact sport that won't end up with either of you dead, hospitalized, incapacitated, injured or just hurt in general!" he said in one breath, before either of them get crazier ideas.

One thing I can't help but notice is how strange this tense you sometimes use feels when compared to the rest of the story. I'm not sure if it's just me and my own weird hangups on narration based on nothing, but every once in a while you go from past tense like growled and winced to present active tense like 'before either of them get any crazier ideas'. Wouldn't 'got' be better than 'get' in this case? I feel it would flow better with the way you tell the rest of the story. Just a thought, though, but it's something that jumped out at me because the prose is so impeccable apart from that one little thing.

That did the trick. They finally noticed him… which means they also noticed the compromising position they were in.
Here too, I'd go with meant instead of means. That kind of thing.
I appreciate that Lincoln is naturally so good with Bailey partly because he's got amazing brotherly, caring instincts, but also partly because he's so experienced with this type of girl from growing up with Lynn and is drawing on that experience to handle Bailey. It's great, legitimate characterization.

The sisters' bodies know too...Bertha is totally comfortable with physical contact with Lincoln, even seeks it out instinctively.

-The time for the race came soon enough. The sky started to tinge a light orange, as the sun neared the horizon. He turned to the Warrens and found unexpected spectators, bunched up, as they watched from the living room window. Lincoln waved at them, and they suddenly turned their attention elsewhere, pretending they weren't interested… Except for Brandy, who smiled and waved back enthusiastically.

Good ol Brandy.

-"If you do pass out…" Beth yawned at the thought, before smiling. "We can both be unconscious together again..."
I'd consider changing this up a little bit, 'unsconscious together' might be too awkward a way to present what they did together. What would you think about -"If you do pass out…" Beth yawned at the thought, before smiling. "I'll join you for your nap..."

Beverly is such a mommy, if i can sound like a creep for a second. Its cute! It makes her relationship with Lincoln really sexy too if I'm being honest.
"What? Cheer Bailey on?" he guessed. Suddenly, he understood what she was hinting at." Oh, I get it… I hope you do your best as well, Bertha!"

Hmm. I'd consider changing this one to "I'm rooting for you too", I feel it would sound a bit more natural.

Heh, the thirst on this girl. The little breaks in her cocky facade when Lincoln flusters her by being genuine are so great.

I REALLY like that, the obstacle line. The idea that Bertha, this character that seems so archetypical in her cocky, superior wonderkind persona, actually resents only being percieved as a challenge to beat rather than her own person is genius. It really adds something to her and it lets us get a peek at those depths within her. Like I keep saying, every character in this story feels so rich and real. It's one of the things that most impresses me about this fic. That jock comment makes me think there's more to her contempt, too, that there's a story there in her prejudice against athletes. Maybe her mom puts her second to her own athletic/competitive pursuits so she's learned to look into herself for support, always in competition with herself, to the point it's blinded her to the possibilities of the world around her, the relationships she could have with others, the fact she could cheer and be cheered if she would just open herself up to the notion and let other people in.

Only then did he managed to coax Bailey to drink, as he held and pressed the bottle to her lips.
He's such a sweet and gentle kid...

-"'Cause I let you down…" she said quietly. "I thought you weren't gonna support me anymore… when I dragged you into all this… then I heard you and I – I lost my cool… and I panicked… and I overcompensated… So, I ran... Until I couldn't … I didn't even think that you were gonna find me like that…burnt out before even finishing the race... Stupid."

This is a great scene, but I think there's a better way to construct the reveal for a harder emotional punch. Maybe it's just my own sensibilities and I could be way offbase here, but I feel you built up the awkwardness and the dread nicely for a big reveal in the scene where they come across her passed out earlier. I think you could get all you could out of it narratively if, instead of just ripping the bandaid off, have her say nothing for a long while at first, get that feeling of silence and frustration and sadness in there, then pull the trigger. Then again, I suppose that's already what you did with the scene where they first find her, and the way the scene is now, you get all the explanation you need to really understand Bailey and the way she feels, which is extremely valuable for the overall insight we get into the character and to make everything preceding it more satisfying since you now understand her actions, and it's also delivered in an appropriate, choppy way where you can tell she's struggling not to cry, it feels natural which is hugely valuable...She's so gunshy at the idea of letting people down because of her mom, it's heartbreaking. And you can tell she doesn't want to ruin it with Lincoln, well, when it just started...! In retrospect, you were right to do it the way you did. Ahh, sorry, I'm just batting it around here on the page. I like the story and I really think on it pretty deeply.

One thing I would do though is change support me, which I think is too detached, to cheer for me, which feels more personal and thus more approriate to the moment when she's been embarassed and she's at her lowest and most raw.

I keep thinking about Bailey's mom and how she could give up on her kid like that. We don't know much about her but if she's a competitive type like Lynn maybe it's that she sees in her daughter her own athletic failures, whatever her issue is that could have led her man to leave her, and that's why she's cold? That idea, of a mom slowly ceasing to go to her kid's tryouts because she keeps failing, is such a gutwrenching mental image, it's an idea that stays with you and one of the hardest emotional blows of the story so far. "I'm sorry I lost." God, I wince just writing that. That poor, poor girl. Her whole thing is heartbreaking. Even if it's just a misunderstanding of her mom's actual intent or feelings it's heartbreaking. I hope that with Lincoln's help, with Bertha and the rest of her sisters she can find the kind of healthy emotional relationships she needs, to understand you don't need to earn love or apologize for failing at something. She's such a sympathetic figure with the big, positive act she puts on all the time and her irrepressible spirit with all this going on underneath. So much pathos lurking in the depths of this girl that at first just comes off like a cute, competitive little goofball. And, again, it never feels contrived, it all feels true and real that a character with her circumstances would become the way she is.

As always you imbue these girls with so much depth, they are seriously shaped by their relationships and traumas as we all are. It's so good, and Bertha is great character too. The relationship she and Bailey share and how that affects their view of each other, shaped by all these misunderstandings, all these hangups placed on them by other people, adults who should never be putting children in a position like that and setting them against other kids, so that it's that much harder for them to form that relationship through no fault of their own; the children themselves blameless and unfairly transformed into a vehicle for their parents' rivalries and hangups rather than their own people with the possibility to have their own healthy relationships, like they should and need...Great, great writing. So human and true to life, your characters have so much substance.

"Well yeah, but…" she trailed off, looking deeply in his eyes. "I think it'll motivate me more knowing it's with you… waiting for me near the finish line."
That's wonderful. Great line.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, I would've ended up the same way too…" he said, as a smile crept up on his face. "If I did ten-hundred push-ups earlier as well."
She squeaked, before groaning. She buried her head even deeper in his shoulder, before she playfully swatted his arm. "Jerk."
Arrrrrgh they're so cute! You're amazing, this cast has such terrific chemistry.

Great job. You're using every part of the animal with this concept. Having the girls have personalized conflict with specific girls on top of the broad disdain they all have with each other is a great way to introduce a new dynamic to the story that can help keep everything feeling fresh. Great idea and great execution of that idea. Like I keep saying, you really do impress me so much, just the sharpness of your natural instincts really, really blow me away. Your mind must have some kind of horsepower to be able to have all these characters yet be able to keep everything feeling so seamless, I never feel like the story is getting out of control or you're pulling stuff out of your butt or going off on some tangent, all these characters yet the narrative feels so deliberate, so planned and solid. I have to take my cap off, big time. If this really is your first story, and hell, even if it isn't, I feel you have more effortless, natural talent than any fanfic writer I've ever seen.

You really did it again, man. Tremendous. That poor girl. I'm glad Lincoln is there.
4/4 c9 anarqista
Sigo esperando el próximo capítulo

Pdta:Usa el traductor
3/29 c9 29Miraculous Psychic Hero 100
This is a really fantastic fic. It honestly inspires me to write a fic of Lincoln going to stay with the girls as well. I’ve wanted to read a fic about them as well so when I saw your’s, I was like ‘Yes!’
And your fic has not disappointed so far! And I do not think it will I can’t wait for the next to be published so I can continue reading this masterpiece :)
3/26 c9 5NeedlesslyMeta
You can tell just how much fun the author has writing this. You'd think with like 27 characters it'd be hard to create a narrative that isn't all over the place, but after reading this I'd say your dead wrong. Really fun premise, the author has such a good handle on writing Lincoln that doesn't make him come off as too "I can do no wrong" and there are consequences to his actions, his Lincoln has some narrative weight to him. It'd be easy to fall into the heaviness of a subject like a deadbeat dad, but the sheer absurdity of some dude going around and knocking up like 25 chicks in a span of 1 year is kind of hilarious. He's giving the new sisters enough depth to make them compelling and I can't wait to get to know them better. He's approaching this premise with a laser focus, no meandering around and chewing the scenery or having to rely on references to keep the feel grounded to the show. Honestly, kind of inspiring.
3/22 c9 2Mr. Haziq
Hm... at this point I'm getting the feeling they'll feel THINGS for him.

I mean... if endurance is her problem, then pole vaulting could be an option.

There is something alluring about girl having her hair gently blown by the wind.
3/22 c8 Mr. Haziq
Aw... that was cute.
3/22 c7 Mr. Haziq
Same structured house, similar town name, there's coincedences and then there's creepy.

Maybe this is a good way to no longer NEED Bun-Bun
3/19 c9 4Maximess
Dude this has litten up a dead spark that I've had for a bit now. Plus i love the idea of using the original concept to work with, so my minds already brewing with ideas.

I love how in depth you've gone into each sisters so far, and you've done a great job in differentiating each one so far. Not gonna lie i had the song "push it to the limit" in my head. looki g forward to future updates.
3/18 c9 Trickgl01
Esta bueno el fic, para verlo con palomitas de maiz, bueno ahora, si que es fácil manipular a Lincoln en sueños no? Je, las cosas que Lincoln hace con los Warren's son por el momento más fáciles que con sus hermanas loud
3/6 c8 Guest
Or was he awake and just so tired he thoughts he was having a dream?
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