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1/21/2021 c1 155Farla
[This is a personal AU that I've thought up where my first Pokemon Shield character grew up and became the champion, and the adventures of his sister, who was my second playthrough.]

Huh. That's an interesting idea, and seems a good way to avoid the problem of the rival having more of a stake in events than the main character.

[Deep blue eyes became slightly obscured due to the grime on his glasses.]

I think this kind of description would work better as something like, "His deep blue eyes had become slightly obscured by the grime on his glasses."

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

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