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for Dark Souls: Gods, Men and the Plan that Made Everything Worse

5/18 c14 5Turquoise Leaf
As always I enjoy your gwynevere so much. I want more Kaylen Gwynevere time. I demand it of you, you table man
5/7 c14 Terracotta Tortilla
Ah, nice. Some cannon fodder has been introduced, a pity they don't seem to understand what Flan is the God of. Oil and fire to be used against a God of Fire. Really?

These brigands sure are dumb, unless you've decided to make her would-be canon husband (after anor londo fell) decide to sell her and be in on their plan. In which case, they're still dumb. Gwyn will crush them like ants, any God would. Even the weakest of them is still at peak human everything just by default of being alive, without training they are above these brigands, Gwynevere might just hit them with a sun beam if they go through with this plan and Velka/Ciara's troops don't end them first.

Your story is good, I'm suspensing my disbelief despite the nerd raging in my mind. Please continue writing.
5/7 c13 Terracotta Tortilla
Kaylen may as well end himself now, save himself from the trouble. He is a slave in all but name and has no free will.

This "will they wont they" shit is all this story is going to be, isn't it? It's like rezero if the cast were all pacifists who never kill and the author had a blatant humiliation kink. Kaylen should just attempt to return by death at this point, there's no hope for him. Even Gael couldn't win freedom and he fought in the war as a slave of the Gods, Kaylen is getting hit with the constant "arggh I'm angry and punishing you. teeeheee just kidding ,have some flirting. argggh I'm angry and punishing you again. teehee I'm so quirky, have some more flirting" side show going on. Rinse and repeat that formula a couple times and you've got this story.

With how often they change their minds, I think every character in this story is mentally ill(or you can't make up your mind on whether you want the tone to be goofy or serious and you're unable to blend the two). Bipolar or something, gotta be. From "ooga booga angy" to "sensual dirty flirty" to "ooga booga cave man chest in with fists ooga booga" then back to "flirty hehe had a dream about em" then switching over to the gaslight princess and her pile of mental issues. It's no wonder that their family fell apart in canon, excited to see if you use the lore about Gwynevere and her funny habit of abandoning everyone in the story.

TLDR: Gwyndolin is the most likable character you've written, and he was in a single chapter so far. The rest are written like Americans who live the high life and our MC reads like a hotel employee too big for his britches. Can't wait to see what the equivalent of being hit with numerous fines and complaints from VIPs looks like.
5/7 c14 MarkPevlon
bro does the author have a humilation fetish? Cuz the amount of scenarios doesn't lie
5/4 c14 danielsnow
alright lets get this show on the road! Cieran needs a good spanking and we have the perfect human for that! Kaylen needs to kearn about how he keeps getting used and possibly discarded by her. Time to give her a naughty punishment.
Gwynever needs to be put in her place too. The brattiness and controlling aspect needs to be tempered with a humans backlash. Maybe if he could put her in a place of weakness where she has to rely on him would help. If she got to experience what its like to be at the mercy of someone else and be nervous about what might happen to her would fix her attitude. His anger at being mentally controlled should be much much greater. she sees it as a joke, but thats because she isnt the one being toyed with.
Velka is perfect in this chapter. I like her reactions, and how she deals with kaylen. She hasnt had him directly challenge her authority to her face. this will he a good show for both of them.
As for those guys who will try to abduct the princess, its literally a perfect opportunity you have created to do the above mentioned things. Let gwynevear have her strength sealed and rely on kaylen to keep her safe. Have velka be weakened due to the artifact and have kaylen show off his killing ability towards those elite humans. It would be a goo journey chapter to have kaylen escort those two back to the castle while keeping them safe from constant threats. Then; once they get back cieran gets in deep shit because her blades were too busy going through the dukes castle instead of protecting gwynevear and she gets demoted to become kaylens personal maid for a while.
You can do it, all night long!
5/1 c14 Soulbow109
Kaylen really has to learn to keep his temper under control. I can understand why he keeps getting frustrated but he really does keep making things worse for himself. Yeah its annoying to have the Duke look down on him but being sarcastic like that doesn't help his situation. He should really know by now to not annoy people in powerful positions.

It was interesting to see how Gwynevere sees the greeting and a bit of insight in to why she finds Kaylen so interesting. A noble princess tired of seeing the perfect superficial world she lives in and wants to see or have something more real and genuine.

Also very cute how Velka feels around Kaylen and how much she cares to make a good impression on him despite what she tells herself. Makes me want to hug her. Even with her stench lol.

Didn't expect an attack like this while at the Manor. Ornstein hasn't shown up yet either. Those mercs are going to have a bad time huh. Also nice to get some confirmation on how much Ornstein is invested in making Kaylen a good knight. Never saw him like I remember Kaylen thinking he is but still nice to know Ornstein does care for him in his own way.

Look forward to how Gywn thinks of Kaylen when Gwynevere ends up keeping him around longer then other passing fancies. At least for now it doesn't seem like she will leave him alone any time soon.
4/30 c14 Godzilathegoat
Orstein remains the best boy of this fanfic and my favorite character, the girls were just meager compared to his amazing graceness, all in all a very enteraining fic and i wonder what kaylen has planned
4/30 c14 D1NGORED
Well, things are certainly in motion. Wnd not in the favor of our lucky protagonist. Poor guy is having it rough. Enjoying watching it unfold though, i look forward to more.
2/2 c14 WilliamDraconis
I need more of my boi Gwyndolin. Also I wish you the best overseas.
1/14 c14 2Dariory
I'm pretty sure some time ago I might've been a dick and talked trash about this. Or maybe I didn't idk I forget stuff easily. Point is I know for a fact I was unreasonably angy at this story because some of the tropes it touches make me uncomfortable and I think I realized why. The whole walking on eggshells thing Kaylen has to do because everyone around him can randomly decide he's little more than some kind of cockroach and killing him not out of hate but just because they can kind of reminds me of my own life at points so I guess I got mad at seeing even just a fanfic character going through the same shit. Point is I feel bad about being a dick (whether I did send the comment or not) so I just wanna say your story is actually good and if anyone comes around saying dumb shit you forward them to me because I have some spare time and I sometimes find amusement in making people go apemode because I don't agree with them. TL;DR story good (imagine I used a thumbs up emoji here)
1/3 c14 Godzilla goat
Good luck overseas dear and stay safe, we all look forward to our favorite author carrying the dark souls' fanfic library. :) (PS A fellow Godzilla franchise enjoy my I might say my respect has increased even more)
12/28/2023 c14 Soulbow109
Personally I would prefer you keep going. Yeah you can argue that Velka is jumping the gun a bit with her feelings but in a way its kinda cute. I got a soft spot for female warriors that show a maidenly side. Also hate to say it but kinda agree with Godzilla in that it is starting to feel like Gwynevere is starting to encroach on Velkas position as main love interest. Yeah so far no romantic stuff is happening but the two are spending alot of time together and she is developing in to an interesting character. Though with current positions I guess it would be kinda hard to have a way for the two to spend alot of time together. Well, I guess I can at least look forward to funny shenanigans between Velka and Gwynevere in the future with how things are going lol.

Plus I am curious to see what is going to happen with the Duke. Plus seeing people's reactions to Kaylen being taken by the princess sounds funny too. Don't think Gwyn will really stay as quite as Gwynevere says.
12/24/2023 c14 danielsnow
i like it as is. You have to think about your original reasoning for writing the chapter that way. Velka has always been a one dimensional character, the warrior goddess. You added another side by showing what she does while not ripping peoples heads off. Paperwork training, and meditation is her second side. This is the reality for people who have responsibilities beyond just battle. Now she has a third side which is in the form of a maiden. She has no clue whats going on and this cant be dealt with through violence or meditation, so she is trying to figure out something new. I say leave it, because you dont want to lose her new third side, which adds much needed depth to a stale character.

As for kaylen and gwenevere meeting the duke, i think it would be great to continue on with the plot. Velka will hear about qwenevere stealing the human who holds her affection and definitely do something a warrior goddess would do. While she serves and protects the royal family, that doesnt mean she wouldnt buck up to the princess to claim what she wants. Whilethise two are arguing ts the perfect time dor ciaran to nab kaylen and take him to see the king. Lets be honest, do you really think the big man himself would be unaware of what is happening inside his own castle and his beloved daughter? I think its time for kaylen to have a little chat with him about gwenevere and moving forward with their little tryst. Of course ciaran could totally be beside kaylen the whole time enjoying watching him squirm, and noticing she enjoys seeing more of him herself!
That is all, dont die until you finish the story!
12/23/2023 c14 Zasun
I don’t think deleting chapter 12 would be the move. Personally I liked the chapter and her confusion and just general “what the fuck is happening to me” feel, but it was a tiny bit rushed it felt. So maybe just go back and play with it a little. Edit it here and there to tone down her blossoming affections to from an 8/10 to a 6.5/10 so she can still ramp them up etc etc etc. All in all, great work as always. And stay safe!
12/23/2023 c14 Victor Ebone
continue as you were planning
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