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for Profile of a Pokemon Champion: Kalos

4/30 c1 nick
Is the Serena in this fanfic the same one from the game, manga, or anime? Hopefully, you can clear this bit up.
1/31 c1 151Farla
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

And...well, that same problem keeps going. It's a character who wanted to be a pokemon trainer but their parents said no but their parents just said yes. It's the opening of the XY. Etc. You've even got a title that does nothing but spoil that he's definitely going to get all the badges, challenge the elite four, and become champion, when the only possibly interesting thing to do with that is the possibility something might come up to derail that standard trajectory.

I'd like to say the idea of someone who knows a bunch about pokemon care is promising, but I see that an opening quirk that goes nowhere all the time and you don't follow up on it in this chapter at least – the descriptions of the starter pokemon are the standard what this species looks like by default, with nothing about if they're in good/poor health or otherwise personalized to them. (And that he doesn't know them will hamper his ability to do that – but in that you're the one who gave him a potential ability then kept it from being used, and there should be some things that are relatively general he could be picking out.)

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