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3/11/2022 c24 3SuperSimpleStuff
The title contains the word "labours" and while it means something much broader I instantly connected it with the idea that this chapter might feature...Marron.
At the beginning the reader has no idea, when the slowly-introduced Eighteen is seen seriously mulling over her shopping.
At this stage when she mentions that she and Kril will be gone for a few days I thought of a honeymoon, of "they" being the other Kame House roommates.
I think artificial add-ons are not particularly appealing but for "Artificial Human" #18 even less so. I find this a subtle and very well-put reminder of how far she's come, together with her flushing at her own food-demanding stomach (this reminds me of Seventeen "never needing to eat, my ass!" ) and it prepares the reader for what comes next.
There's one thing that's eluding me, why do you say that Master Roshi and Oolong eat barely edible dishes, when you mentioned how good Eighteen's cooking is?
Your depiction of the cereal aisle is pretty realistic with the huge cartoonish pictures, some of them unrealistic like a turtle eating cereal and...wow, Mr Satan's cereal. It must be quite overpriced!
Eighteen shrugs this and what it represents off, though.
And it's with Eighteen choosing cereal that we know that...Marron is there. A grin of love and satisfaction always spreads across my face at this point.
She loves her so much. Her darling Marron can't stay without a favourite food, and mama Eighteen provides for her. This is such a warm mental image.
We're yet to discover your interpretation of Eighteen as a mother but thanks to the black-haired kid scene we start getting an idea. She looks and feels so relaxed and comfortable here, she's not being nice to be polite, she's genuinely nice and helpful, and it makes her feel good as well. You balanced well the genuine goodness that comes from making someone's day brighter, even a stranger's, and her introverted personality. I felt this bit "as it should be", I mean it's very real.
I love how she's so in love with Krillin that she can't help always thinking of him ("my Krillin", ahh). The final image for this section is "the proud wife and mother", and that's the exact impression I've got after reading. She's fulfilled, she's happy. She found great joy in her family.

Then we got Krillin playing hide and seek with Marron, knowing where she is but pretending not to and giving audio cues; this is exactly how I play hide and seek with my kid and I smiled so much because of how real it reads, great job. Love the little nicknames "firefly", "sneaky little imp", "little angel" (while her mother is his angel..), "princess" (this is so dad-like. So dad-like.)
Here you cleverly painted a picture of the family of three's living space, of Marron's infant skills, and of the time passing with the cute orange clock and exploring trip stories. The description of Marron is warm and cute, you described her eyes in every detail. It's true that big round eyes give an impression of innocence, and Krillin observing all the little details and where they come from is again very realistic, which parent doesn't do that?
Krillin can be proud of the beauty and love he created with Eighteen, and their eyes looking back at him are just a fraction of this immense love.
Love and realism seep into everything in these scenes, as the simplistic-yet-vibrant children art and the way Marron talks and asks questions like a chatterbox belong in the real world as well.
I'm really impressed with the natural way you depict the behaviour of young children and family life, all along in the chapter.
Your turn of phrases often make me laugh, like Roshi "watching his entertainment in broad daylight". I laughed here. He even has the nerve to ask Eighteen to bring home printed material…
The fact that her loving husband and daughter find her voice comforting even when it's more mechanic shows how definitions are just words and how they love everything about her, Kril's so in love with her that he tends to forget how dangerous Eighteen could be when she's mad. But here she's just half-mad, so he can feel the love and beauty.
The discussion about the noses is really fun too and I like that Marron has one in your interpretation.
With the last segment of this family section, I get the idea that Turtle might be the roommate with whom Eighteen can feel the highest sympathy!
Then we have the family lunch, and they really look like a family: they're simply enjoying being together over a homemade meal and Marron shows how goal-oriented she is when she feeds her parents! Luckily nothing is splashed over nobody's face and Krillin can capture the precious moment. He's the ultimate hype-man, I could feel all the happiness and love in this bit too when he said "You girls looked great". He's the kind of person that makes anyone feel better, who spreads joy wherever he goes. And reading this I thought that I'm so happy that he's himself, that he gave Eighteen (and Seventeen) a second chance believing in them, and this brought him the love of his life and the darling girl born from their love.
Eighteen and Krillin's efficiency and complicity when working in the kitchen shows again, and it became a trademark by now.
Everyone pitches in, even Marron, and it's so true that toddlers love to help, especially wiping.
I laughed again at Oolong's innuendo and Eighteen calling him pig, literally and figuratively!
What Eighteen says about the pizza is another reference maybe to herself and Seventeen, what's on the outside VS what's on the inside. She must be still thinking about what Gero did to her and it's understandable, because it must be traumatic. But she's as human as can be.
With Marron wishing for new food you reveal why the family, not the couple, will be away: they're meeting Seventeen.
At this point you got my heart pumping at the possibility of seeing more labours of love (btw I like how you referenced the title when you described the making of the lunch ).
You made me laugh again with all the pork jokes, like they fit in so well, and I heard and saw how dejected Oolong is, replying to Marron. It's really fun.
The scene at the post office really brings everything together because it keeps the premise alive till this last chapter, and because the post office is one of the "sets" that saw the transformation/growth of the protagonists. I like how the clerk voices the thoughts of the readers on Marron and I like how warm she is with the baby blonde. I confirm my idea of the clerk not being a mean person although she's been insensitive in the past. I think seeing K18 flourish and the fruit of their love has taught her a lesson, not to judge a book by its cover and being kinder. This element shows how crafty you are, using this secondary character as a reflection of the main ones and to corroborate the spirit of the story. I really appreciate this kind of pattern, and I'm happy to see you show again and again your worth as an author.
When I mentioned Seventeen's daughter's surname being possibly "Oiseau" I had in mind this scene here with Eighteen being Mrs. Chestnut. To me, having taken Krillin's surname is very romantic, as she says "He's all mine", and she's all his.
Through Seventeen's letter we know that he's a father and this made my heart jump because of happiness, because I think he's a loving father just like his sister and brother in law are great parents to Marron.
Because both twins were anxious about their physiology and it turns out that Gero didn't ruin it. I'm so happy for them!
I love how Krillin is Eighteen's safety net when emotions overwhelm her, and explains to Marron why she stopped reading. This man is pure gold. And you did him justice.
Seventeen did say that he and his sibling dearest would be back at their mountain cabin with new experiences under their belt, and I'm so emotional reading that they're going to. New experiences, new life.
With the mentioning of Satan City and Marron asking about relocating there you also foreshadowed what happens later in canon!
The description closing the sequence makes me melt, all warmth and cuddles, and you top it off with the pure-love image of three hearts beating as one.
Next you built up Seventeen's entrance in this epilogue with the description of the forest and the cabin through Marron's eyes. It is haunted, but in a good way, and I enjoyed the realistic explanation of the twins taking turns to maintain the cabin clean and functioning. The oil lamp made me think instantly of the first chapters when Eighteen writes to Krillin at her cabin desk.
I didn't think for a second that Bird Boy wouldn't be with Seventeen and his family, and I must admit Seventeen must be very handsome in his lumberjack attire...
I'm happy to see that uncle and niece are so close, even if they don't see each other frequently. I firmly believe that when love is established, you don't need to see someone often for love not to die out and thank you for representing this maxim here with my one of favourite anime character ls (and his lovely niece).
And after some buildup we meet Fille, daughter of Seventeen and Carly, blue-eyed and red-haired, a lovely fusion of her parents just like Marron.
We don't see it happening here but I'm sure the two girls will have a blast growing up together. Studying each other is another realistic thing!
I'm very glad that Seventeen and Carly have each other as it was clear that she was the one for him. The twins have a beautiful family each and I can't help sigh in tenderness.
People say that motherhood changes a woman's expression and I don't know if it's true irl, but for Eighteen it is and it was a change for the best.
The conclusion with the big family enjoying their dinner, their time together and even a beatiful meteor shower couldn't be more perfect. Because I love the celestial imagery juxtaposed at the human-earthly closeness of all of them, because it ties everything together, because it expresses through Marron's wish what really matters in life. Because it ties the journey the twins have made. Their life changed completely and Gero didn't destroy it. Their happiness is their ultimate victory.
What a beautiful ending to a beautiful story I enjoyed every word of. You should be proud of the work you've done. I thoroughly loved it and I thank you for all the emotion it gave me.
I'm also happy that you enjoy long reviews because this was the longest I've ever written. And I don't even know if it's enough.

Catch you soon,

Your faithful reader fan and friend

SSS
2/18/2022 c23 SuperSimpleStuff
Dear AutumnKL,

Nothing in this story makes me happier than all the love, all the warmth of family, friendship.
And you put love in the simplest things, which makes every line of your chapter worth smiling at.
For instance, Krillin’s deep knowledge of Seventeen, yet another form of love. Or when you describe Krillin's eyes as rich brown and you know what? I've always pictured a hue like that of hot, thick, creamy chocolate (it mirrors a little Eighteen's sweet tooth for parfait! Or maybe with this, I'm going too far...)
I always smile with Seventeen calling Eighteen "sister dearest", and when he drags out the way he articulates "kril" there's something so playful about it that is just so well-fitting.
Here, K18 are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s official, it’s stated! I felt the shift into another phase of their life with you using these words for the first time, if I'm not mistaken of course.
The transition to Seventeen’s romantic life was smooth and natural, and I smirked at how good Eighteen is at playing with people, if she wants to. Now Seventeen ain't so (adorably) cocky anymore, huh! I dreamed with Eighteen as I read through the description of the romantic picture of Seventeen and Carly on a horse (is it me or you mentioned hypothetically Seventeen and a horse in earlier chapters?)
Krillin’s thoughts about Seventeen really are my own!
And he’s talking about love and acceptance, in such a genuine way that Seventeen is touched personally, maybe something he fears: that Carly might not accept him if she knew he’s a cyborg. But Krillin is right, he’s wise, he’s loving and caring. Seventeen feeds his bird boy like he was a dog, and I smiled at this! And at the whole convivial scene
Smiles, laughter, else?
Breaking into the second section of the chapter with more laughing, Eighteen going “What’s wrong with this animal” (and later, Seventeen “What's wrong with this pig”) about Oolong!
And Roshi’s pervy persona is always something fun to read about, you can’t dislike him even if he’s a naughty old man!
Seventeen playing with the car like it was a toy and saying to himself “My, what a bunch of weirdos” is hysterical and also in sharp contrast with the first time he set foot on Turtle Island. That time, it was to kill Goku. This time, it’s to meet his friends.
I enjoyed you giving your POV on Seventeen’s looks, because I’ve seen it discussed among fans. In my opinion, in canon Z he’s almost stereotypically masculine personality-wise.
And I think Toriyama made an excellent job in drawing he and Eighteen with features so similar, but in their more feminine or more masculine version (they both have slanted, cat-like eyes, but Eighteen’s are slightly rounder and Seventeen’s slightly narrower, and in general Seventeen’s face is more angular. I’m discussing this because I love details and Toriyama’s style!)
And Seventeen getting his sweet revenge having Oolong throw up in his mouth, man this was hilarious and I’m grinning wide while reviewing!
I enjoyed how you hinted that Chichi is no longer pregnant even before doing Goten’s introduction: her slender waist.
The twole Chichi/Eighteen scene was touching and candid and topped off with the letter, very clever.
And you reminded of what Eighteen has suffered from Gero, when the image of Goku and the warning "Primary Target" surface in her mind. And Krillin saw it.
I have no words for this man. He's...wow.
Nonetheless I felt bad for her.
Exactly as when anything-but-cute Veggie…well it’s Veggie, I can’t expect him to be nice and I like him, I always did, but here he was just plain mean.
You touched something very real about the world, people and society: to what extent childbearing and parenting make a woman a woman. I could feel all the angst.
But she ended up being witty, "little prince".
This section was full of more heart-warming scenes, my favourite being Krillin and Eighteen holding Goten, his easiness and her awkwardness. Only love shone through, for both of them, it doesn't matter whether Krillin is a people person and Eighteen isn't.
I got a bit emotional at Krillin stating that holding Goten feels like holding a mini Goku. I figure that's exactly waht it would feel like and it's a beautiful bond Krillin has with his late best friend.
In this segment I felt strongly that both will be loving parents.
Other favourites include Seventeen and Tien's handshake (really, tying up all loose ends in ultimate peace and respect between the twins and the group) and Eighteen outsmarting Bulma at chess. It's not the chess but what it shows: Eighteen outsmarted a genius. This can give an idea of how intelligent she is. Her mind is also superhuman.

The last section is the denouement with Krillin and Eighteen talking through the hot kids topic, with Eighteen losing her courage when talking about what she could look like on the inside. Little does she know that one day she'll have a cute little button with her blonde hair and Krillin's eyes. This conversation, with Eighteen needing to be sure of Krillin's commitment over the years, shows how serious the relationship is to her, to what extent she wants Krillin. And Krillin shows her with the sweet romantic kiss, holding her, feeling her heartbeat. She's got a beating heart, she's human. And I agree with you for Toriyama having her character give birth.
Last but not least, it seems like it was the first time that Seventeen saw Carly in a more private context, dishevelled and in loungewear and anything. He likes her that way. It's kind of his way to say he wants to live with her, besides subtly telling her that she's beautiful?
The very last sentence from Carly made me so happy for him: she'll come through no matter what for him.
Something you say to special people...To the love of your life for sure.
I know I pretty much commented every line but you deserve it, and I enjoy it, and I know that lengthy reviews don’t bother you. I'm sorry that this is already chapter 23 out of 24, but this means that I still got one to go :)
Take care and thanks for the beautiful reading!

SSS
2/13/2022 c22 SuperSimpleStuff
Hey AutumnKL,

First of all I hope you feel better now, about the burn-out. But I know you're writing again and that can only be a good indicator!

I couldn't resist reviewing one more chapter after having read your last update yesterday.
You opened the chapter with a lovely image.
Firing nerves: the expression is so fitting, makes me visualise nerves crackling with an electricity overload. I can even empathise with Eighteen because I'm sensitive to noises and people talking loud
Yamcha is quite the performer and Puar is his hype-cat-girl. Concentrating his ki playing baseball, with the wolf-like stance. This is how a superhuman plays baseball! Krilin is the strongest pure human, for sure, but this works as a reminder of how strong Yamcha is too.
I'm happy that Eighteen, after thinking about it, decides to cheer for him in her own unique way. She's a good friend. It shows the extent of her acceptance of Krillin's friends. I think Krillin's (other people's too but his specifically) joy is infectious and makes her appreciate simple things.
Eighteen loves Krillin's attention to bits but she's always concealing it, even if she knows he doesn't buy her pretend coldness: she's protective of him, she's playful and she teases him with her hand under the table -maybe she's also a little jealous ;) of Krillin, sure, and of her emotions. "Noseless midget"...
I bet he can feel her temperature rising with love! His sweetness, stemming from sheer love and care and not from boombast and drama, gives me life. Krillin's really a great guy. Here his nickname for her is "sweetie" and it's so simple yet full of love!
And Yamcha is getting a lot of love as well, from his friends, fans and the author. The way he scratches his head in embarrassment reminds me of Goku. And here we don't have Goku but Gohan returns and I'm happy to see him, because Gohan is another great DBZ guy in my eyes. Like Krillin, caring, loving, kind. And strong. I smiled at him not understanding the word "chemistry" out of an academic context but the K18 love is so apparent that Gohan can't help feeling it, wanting to see it and learn more about it.
I like him still not knowing the love lexicon, it's like you respecting how young he actually is (it's easy to forget it, especially with him being the saviour of the universe) He's very observant and remembers details, such as himself being spontaneous about K18 on the Kami lookout. I think that scene is iconic! Especially for us K18 fans.
I love descriptions in context and I find Krillin describing Gohan's looks as the mix of his parents' a way to foreshadow another couple of times you will do this kind of descriptions, in a couple of chapters.
Eighteen caring about Chichi gave me life too, and I recall how beautiful it was to read about the two women hugging. Chichi was THE person who had a reason to be hateful if she wanted, but she knows better…
We all know that Seventeen is the nature lover but this doesn't make Eighteen oblivious to it and your descriptions are super sensory: I too felt that tropical, premium-grade sand and pictured Eighteen wriggling her toes in it.
She's also a protective big sister and I laughed when she defended Seventeen from Oolong's comments (you crack me up with her blurting out "pig" / "you animal". Because it's both figurative and literal!)
I think it will take some time for Oolong's interaction with Eighteen to be completely free of tension, but even if his baseline attitude doesn't help ("cyborg killer". Wow!) Eighteen wants to put every negative feeling aside and I smiled when she wanted to work as a team with him, also cheering him up.
On the other hand Roshi has improved a lot, he thinks more before talking to her and cuts the perversion. I'm sure he meant nothing dirty with "the same type as you" referring to Seventeen. To me, he meant "as impressive as you in any way a person can be impressive". I love Gohan remembering Seventeen's playfulness and his extensive knowledge of cool tricks.
You made my love for Krillin grow to new heights with him gifting Gohan precious heirlooms, those toys imbued with ki and love. Gohan uses them to have a nice time with his friends. Together. The moment when this energy pushes Eighteen into the sand had something supernatural about it (I mean, almost mystic).
This special ball becomes the perfect prop for a perfect (and warmly imperfect) family moment. I can't call them any other way: a multi-generational group of people loving each other? (Loveblood/biology)
The energies Eighteen feels inside the ball are a symbol of this.
And Kril's cue ball again! This nickname stuck with me and always brings a smile to my face, even if Krillin is a haired cue ball now. It's like the past mixing with the present and turning to something new. Remembering where they came from but living the moment. A moment full of playfulness and love, games becoming a vehicle of love and pure joy to be together.
In canon we see Eighteen being good at teamwork, mostly with Seventeen. Mostly in the dreadful alternative timeline.
This cooperation, bonding over playing volleyball together, is a far cry from that kind of teamwork. Here, Eighteen's focus becomes working together not asserting her superiority. She's using her cybernetics to play and learn a new game and it's an interesting take on how a cyborg does sports (just like before when you gave your interpretation of a super-pure-human doing it). Moments like this complete the K18 love story picture, because they give weight to why they're such a good match and are also realistic: people bond with their loved one's friends most of times.

I was sure Seventeen bonded with his fellow rangers as well, and wow, he's playing and singing with the prospect of doing it for Carly, and then goes off key and the bird boy shrieks at it. It's just...beautiful. because love can be goofy and so can be superhumans in love! I'd say that before the greatest things in life, it doesn't matter if you are a superhuman or a regular one. Love is love.
And Seventeen fell head over heels for the sweet and cultured doctor (because of these qualities of hers, I think Carly almost mirrors Krillin!) to the point that he's disappointed when he Learns it's not her visiting. Firing nerves for Seventeen too! But with the electricity dying down…
You kept the premise fresh here again with Seventeen receiving the invitation in the form of a letter.

I always look for improvements to suggest to you but the truth is that many times I can't find them because the story is so well rounded-out, so rich in details and depth that I can just sit and enjoy. What made this chapter truly fulfilling is the celebration of love in many forms.

Great job! (And I read the ao3 comment: of course I'll keep on reviewing here and of course you shall surf the wave of inspiration and motivation! I'm sure your new series will be imbued with passion and skill and I can't wait)

Until next time,

SSS
2/12/2022 c24 6Literal Winter
Awesome job man, I'm glad to have joined you for this story and thanks for all of the love and effort you've put into this work of yours!

This chapter really sums up a lot about how you write this story, evident in all the care and detail you put into the characters and their interactions, making it feel real and grounded in a warm, emotional setting that gives off really wholesome and positive vibe. The bit that struck me the most was at the end with all of our main characters relaxing to watch the meteor shower, and little Marron wishing for her parents to always love each other, happily confirmed when Krillin and Eighteen share loving stares as the whole family enjoys the unbreakable bond that ties them together, showing that no matter what happens they will always love and care for one another.

You've contributed a well thought out and endearing entry into the K18 and DBZ fandom, and I am definitely looking forward to any future entries you have in store!
2/6/2022 c21 3SuperSimpleStuff
Dear AutumnKL,

Your chapters are always so positive, full of life, happiness and love in all its forms.
Here you have romantic love, friendship (I believe it's love), love for animals, for the world&nature, for family and for life itself.
Chapters are so rich I always fear not to express the full extent of my enthusiasm.
I already mentioned I loved the description of Eighteen sleeping in the moonlight. I think it fits in with her being a rather "lunar beauty" with her fair appearance and private, "cold" demeanour and the broader imagery of crystals.
How beautiful she must be, sleeping like this, and I saw her through Krillin's loving eyes. But this lunar beauty is very much alive, as she can feel cold and unconsciously holds closer the blanket Krillin lays over her.
You always portray and explain so well the cyborg-human dichotomy. Rather, continuum. Those two sides of her (them, as you do it compellingly with her raven-haired counterpart) are juxtaposed, not opposed, and this continuity has grown steadily with the progression of the story, with the twins starting almost as a clean slate (maybe more toward the world and the world&them, rather than themselves. You showed them already embracing the human part of themselves early on).
All your Kril-Roshi conversations are a pleasure to read, because they're fun and drenched in old good feelings. One can feel the scope of their bond in the way you have them interact and it's rewarding to read because it has weight and human warmth. Master Roshi taunts Kril a bit even if he knows why he's careful. He knows how special Eighteen is.
She's not only the one who has completely stolen his boy's heart, she's also open and accepting of Krillin's "crew" (like, not at all an "either me or your friends" type). She's a good person. With all her reservations of course.
I agree with Eighteen loving to spend time alone with her Krillin but also having a more inclusive idea of fun (canon Eighteen is experimental) even when it means having lunch with two pervs.
You never forget about Roshi's two personas (that nostril leak ") but also make clear that Eighteen also has two personas sometimes. Like when she wants to "punish" Krillin for spoon-feeding her. It was sweet and hilarious.
And Eighteen shooting down Oolong's dirty innuendos with a build-up culminating with a craving for pork chop was a highlight. Very fun! Loved it.
I enjoy how private and yet obvious K18 (even when doing the dishes at the cabin and having that almost perfect harmony).
Eighteen mentions later, in that beautiful letter she writes for Krillin (I loved the way she expresses herself. Yes, a far cry from her hesitant, laboured debout as "pen friend") how far she's come, and this is literally in all respects, not only for how she shows her feeling but (more importantly) how she acknowledges and *feels* them. She misses Krillin when she feels the bed empty. She's a bit out of her depth when she cracks her eyes open and finds herself alone in the room.
I think Krillin made a world of difference for the twins. The canon just showed the tip of the iceberg and you topped it up with an interpretation that works because it has such careful, gradual and delicate build-up (every time I see how carefully you built their love up I cheer because it feels completely natural and realistic.).
It's like, finding Krillin on their path led them to ultimately find themselves and their purpose. Seventeen feels incomplete (it's really tormenting him and it made me empathise a lot with him) being far from Krillin and sister dearest but also from Carly. He hopes he'll find someone special but he already did. She's his special one.
I think having K18 in his life helped him develop this side of him. I loved how he sparks these thoughts and projects them on the eagles. Seventeen flying with them and being concerned with them agreeing with him being up there shows me to what extent Seventeen respects and loves life. No wonder eagles feel this and agree with him taking the juvenile bird boy with him. They know the two of them are friends. Eagles aim high and it feels like they're honoured to have Seventeen's friendship (and that this is mutual). I love Carly calling the eagle "my darling", petting it. She has done it before hasn't she?
And I love Seventeen getting down to business and troubleshooting Monster Island and...picking up Carly in that sweet and a bit awkward way.
It warmed my heart that she's got Eighteen's blessing, that she immediately had a supporting and positive attitude toward her and Krillin. The whole interaction of these three was serene and at the same time I felt Seventeen's underlying anxiety, and then his relief.
When Eighteen watches her baby bro fly into the horizon, with the eagle and Carly (it's like he's embracing his future) and feels happy for him because he's a good person, and he deserves it, I thought the same.
He's exceptional, he's loved (super cute when Eighteen and Kril hug him!) I'm HAPPY for him.
I wholeheartedly agree with you on both twins being rather private when it comes to their feelings but having the ability to feel them very deeply, in a very powerful way that makes them anything but cold (in the canon I find Seventeen pretty expressive with all his array of smirks)
I also relate to your reflection on how physical places don't change but people do. The chapter finale, same clerk, same office but different Eighteen when she posts her latest letter.
Different Krillin too.
They are together. They made each other better. They stand up for each other.
They don't look back to the post office when they leave because they won't even be apart again.
I finished reading with emotion swelling in my chest (exactly like my boy Seventeen) because I love these characters and feeling how happy they are makes me happy.
And... Thank you for the kind words you wrote about me in your notes! If I helped you somehow, I'm proud :)
I just can't not analyse and comment everything you write because it's a compelling journey for me to go through and I love to express how I feel about it!
I like to write orderly reviews, but sometimes another side of me wants to keep them rambling. Today, this side of me won.

Until next time,

SSS
2/1/2022 c20 SuperSimpleStuff
My friend,

Today's the day I came back to ff dot net (albeit not writing in the DBZ fandom) and the second thing I did was reading you, picking up where I left and being extremely pleased by the beautiful reading you gave me. What can I say besides "this chapter has got everything?"
From Roshi reminding the reader of all the bonds between his students-comrades-friends to Eighteen shedding her first tears as a cyborg. Wow. I wasn't really expecting any less from you but...wow! I'm so excited! How I have missed your story and your writing.
You made me feel all the feelings, everyone's feelings. And of course I haven't forgotten the way you take a reader by the hand and guide them through the various stages of the chapter. I laughed in pleasure with Roshi expressing his reservations about Eighteen (in a slightly judgemental but never malevolent way) only to find...Miss Eighteen in his kitchen. Cooking soup for her sick love. I love how you always ahow her duality (warm blue VS Arctic ice, yes) ultimately to have her asking Roshi to sample her cooking. She's come a long way. From adorably stalking Kril in post office to goingto his home and cookinf for him
It feels natural to her. She wants to make sure she's done it at her best. All of Roshi's thoughts and reaction were hilarious.
The soup feeding scene had me giggle and smile ij tenderness. Eighteen being assertive yet protective, Krillin being both her man and also a bit of a baby here. You introduced the theme of Krillin's muscles here and then made it evolve with him recovering, getting strong and healthy (and handsome for his angel) again. All of this also getting through Seventeen's feelings when thinking whether Krillin shows off or not. I'll come back to my boy Seventeen in a second.
Rhe moment when all the Z Warriors officially met Eighteen was bound to come and I'm happy it happened over a meal with everyone being curious (some nosy. Eighteen calling Oolong "you dirty pig" had me laugh!) But respectful and Eighteen and Krillin being so full of attentions for wach other. Truly heartwarming and sincerely peaceful.
I love how you mentioned the Roshi shape hole and then you explained it later. I see Eighteen spending several days at the Kame House as a trial for when she'll actually live there...and I see Krillin's desk imbued by her life force (this was clever and romantic) as well as a metaphor of their union. Loved it.
As I loved Eighteen trying to be as focused as possible during sparring, only finding herself hopelessly atttacted to her love once again.
The postal communication between her and Seventeen (his reply was sweet and funny! So Seventeen!) keeps the premise alive. I smiled with tenderness at Seventeen caring about Krillin even in his sleep! And comparing the eagles to his own dear ones. Obviously reading about Carly (Oiseau) makes me very happy, both because of her name and because of whom she is. Seventeen's special one. And they're exchamging letters. I feel both are very lucky to have found each other and I expect Carly to kow about Seventeen's nature sooner or later if she were to pursue a relationship with him.
The wnding of the chapter surprised me. Eighteen heard everything the Z Warriors said (and I find it very realistic that they still have aome reservations).and learnt about the alternate timeline. The timeline where she kills Krillin. And it breaks her heart. Tears confirm her once again how human she is, but the mere fact that she is heartbroken is a huge green flag! (Green because it's good).
The tear-salty kiss K18 share at the end it's really the perfect ending to such a beautiful chapter.

Until next time,

SSS
1/16/2022 c23 6Literal Winter
Another nice epilogue chapter you have here, it was fun to go through all of the various interactions of the characters and I feel this chapter definitely serves well at solidifying everything that the story has set up so far.

All of the characters are comfortable with each other for the most part, Seventeen and Eighteen are able to interact without too much trouble and can relax and enjoy themselves amongst all of the other Z Fighters, which is awesome to see. The confirmation of Eighteen's retained humanity through her interaction with Goten was a nice touch as well, and even though Vegeta wasn't exactly polite in his statement about Eighteen's biology, you could tell that it wasn't mean spirited and merely a fact he saw as needing to pointed out.

The ending with Eighteen revealing her fears only for Krillin to quickly allay them is well done, and really ties up one of last loose ends for their relationship as a whole, giving them a clear run to a bright future together.

Cheers for the chapter, and going for one more epilogue sounds good to me, so I'll be looking forward to reading it!
11/25/2021 c22 Literal Winter
This was a pretty fun chapter, it was nice seeing Krillin, Eighteen and all of the others just chilling out and having fun together.

You covered a lot of different scenarios here and I'm glad that you included characters like Yamcha and Gohan into these scenes as well, and in doing so showing them being receptive and accepting of Eighteen as a character, and with her relationship with Krillin.

The volleyball match was good, and a neat way to spark some friendly competition between the characters, though I felt there was a missed opportunity in not having Yamcha there, as his involvement would have been great, considering you could have had him either working with Eighteen or have him switch out with Roshi, which would have been hilarious if Eighteen had to deal with Oolong and Roshi on her team.

That is just a minor point though, so good job overall and thanks for the chapter!
10/18/2021 c21 Literal Winter
Well done man, a great conclusion to your story and I really like how you wrapped everything up nicely!

The beginning, where both Eighteen and Krillin start to realize that living apart is going to be quite difficult now with all of the time they've spent together, and it's neat to see that they are developing this inseparable aspect to their relationship that really hits home how much they rely on and care for one another.

I also really like how you resolved Seventeen's progression in this story as well, and it was satisfying to see him finally get confirmation for his job as a park ranger, setting him up for a bright future as well that gives him the purpose in life he had been missing. In addition to this, it was a good to see him interact with Carly again, firmly establishing them as having the potential to become more than just colleagues and cementing Seventeen's story as one that will continue on even without Eighteen and Krillin being directly with him.

Finally I'm glad that you took the time to cover everything in this final chapter, as you brought the majority of your plot threads to a conclusion whilst also setting up for the future epilogues, which will be great for some added perspective from the characters.

Thank you so much for publishing this story and for the shoutout as well, I look forward to seeing what you have in store next and I'll be there to read and review as always!
10/3/2021 c20 Literal Winter
A very good chapter here, I really liked the effort you put into wrapping up several plot points and in doing so starting the process for your story to come to it's conclusion.

Having Eighteen taking care of Krillin and acting very protective over him was nice to see, and it was cool seeing her act like this despite being somewhat judged by Roshi and Oolong at the beginning. It was also funny when she quickly places these two in their place and stop them from getting too out of hand when it comes to their interactions, setting up some ground rules for what I can sense will be a long term arrangement.

The highlight of the chapter for me of course was the emotional revelation of the future timeline for Eighteen, and I'm glad that you gave it the impact it deserved for her character whilst at the same time not making too much of a drama over it once it becomes apparent that it wasn't something that she should worry about.

I'm glad that you decided to go with this scene as I felt it was a good resolution to a whole lot of emotional baggage that Krillin and Eighteen had been carrying around for a while now, and this allows them to put the future timeline, cell and any other lingering worries about their past behind them as they move on to a brighter future together.

Anyway, good chapter man and I'm excited to read what you have in store for the final chapter!
9/11/2021 c19 3SuperSimpleStuff
Dear AutumnKL,

Apologies for being terribly late giving this last chapter the thoughtful review it deserves, written with calm.

You said this is not the end even if it feels like it. I agree, there’s a departing tone settling in and even if it was the end, you tied up all the knots and left us with some open endings, leading us to believe what we are willing to believe about the twins’ future -thanks to you convincing us- with just a hint: I mean, I have no doubt that Krillin and 18 will live happily together, at the Kame House just to begin with. I have no doubt that 17 will get the job and peace he needs (still a mystery with whom he will end up falling in love and raising a family, even if I really want to see a foreshadowing -you DID show 17 thinking about himself having Dr. Oiseau on his mind. Or if not her, her name), because you integrated canon and your imagination so well it’s easy to experience. I’d buy it all and it wasn’t predictable. It was a surprise. And the theme of written communication has come back every chapter, starting with 18 “taking the initiative” (that alone makes a memorable beginning), and here with the last letter from BOTH TWINS to Krillin and also with Dr. Oiseau’s letter to 17.

Back to this chapter, now. It’s fun how you describe the symptoms of a cold that Krillin displays, in the eyes of a little-bit-weirded-out 18. I wonder if she remembers what it feels like, because when she was exhausted after performing the “energy merging” with 17 she was not sick, with symptoms like this. I also assume her immunity is stronger but can get sick like every human being (it’s cute when she sneezes in Super), no matter what she says! But I love that she doesn’t think of herself as invincible, rather “above average” (carefully crafted understatement).
I love how Krillin draws life force from the reflection of the campfire on 18’s hair...or the other way around.
I love how her gaze disarms (“hijacks'', love it) him and that the warmth of the campfire spreads to her eyes. No icy blue, here. It’s a warm, liquid blue. Like the ocean, yes. Or a crystal blue that pairs well with rich hazel (yes, I’m commenting down to this level of detail because why not?).
And in a similar fashion, her fingers are sensitive. A far cry from the lethal grip a cyborg could give even a well-above-average human Earthling.
Krillin is so wholesome. He thinks of everyone’s feelings. Does he feel sick? Yes. Does he enjoy 18’s company? Yes, he loves her, their cuddle in the wilderness is a moment I bet he’d like to last much longer.
But...he doesn’t want to get her sick. And, he has people who he cares deeply about, back at home -and who care about him the same way. He feels like he can’t let them down. This was really good to read, because it’s so much easier to be “selfish” and Krillin truly is one of the most selfless characters out there. I believe his smile can open every door, and yes, “defuse anxiety”. Even when Gero angst comes back (everyday closer to the very last time, but is there a ‘very last time’ after such a dramatic experience?) and the stars trigger the memory of the original purpose of Lazuli’s conversion into 18. But Krillin sees a “learned human”, because YES, she and 17 are no bots. They are superhumans, humans that have “learned” something utterly unachievable for every other fellow human. I enjoy this expression you came up with.
And the anxiety goes away at least for a moment (you bounced the ball a little didn’t you?) when I laugh with this happy couple, with 18’s hair tickling Krillin’s nose. And that “Krilly”, the parallelism between the Greek myth and the experience k18 lived with Cell, I just love it!
It makes me think of the proverb “when life gives you lemons”, because their interaction is so healthy, so positive (despite being streaked with a little angst) and so “normal” that I can breathe it all in. The long way these two came. Each for him/herself, and together as well.

There was another thing I caught and that I don’t know if it was intentional or not: this is a final chapter, and after talking about Perseus and Andromeda, k18 come up discussing “happy ending”, “happily ever after”. There’s such a promise of MORE in this brief interaction. They’re thinking about it. Who would have thought that the cyborg girl on the highway and the intimidated good man she’d just kissed for giggles (or maybe, already something else) would one day be together in the wilderness talking about their young love in such terms? Wow. It blows me away if I think about it, because I love the characters and what you’ve done with them. It feels great.

Then, 17 and his accipitridae buddy. I like how he and 18 are there in the same physical space, but not mental. They’re each in their life, but not truly separated. 17 was watching and saw K18 having a romantic K18 moment.
Your depiction of 17 is always fun and warm, he’s tangible and relatable -I like that he talks to his eagle and bumps his chest. It’s natural, real. As it is that he starts to drool anticipating the feast he will soon taste, or later when he feels deflated when K18 are too sick/worried to enjoy with him the ride to the Kame House, so he talks to his bird boy and explains that aircrafts are no predator or prey. I smiled!
And you make me understand that soon there’s going to be something very exciting waiting for him in his life, because Dr. Carly Oiseau’s letter (this name makes me smile.A lot) is indeed positive and promising. It touched me deeply how 17 likes the ring of “Carly Oiseau”, so do I.
The part when all three -the twins and “Krilly”- express their thought about love and what it is to deal with a girl like 18, or a man like Krillin was pretty fun to read, and I felt some warmth myself with Krillin falling asleep to the siblings carefully caressing the bird boy and also staring with care at him.

We see the twins&Krillin moving on together to a new era of their life; last time 16 was also with them, but when 17 and 18 landed together on Turtle Island it was for no good, and then it only went south. This time, they’re taking back their sick buddy/lover, and there’s sadness in parting ways. Again, a far cry from the first time Krillin and the cyborgs met. Satisfying and wholesome.
18 is so expressive with her gestures, it contradicts the cold robotic-y behaviour than one could expect, and so does her worry about getting Kril sick (no, 18, you can be his sweetie, it was not your fault. But calm down, don’t elbow brother dear in the waist, that hurts). I believe canon 17 and 18 are pretty expressive even if they’re not physical, if I can explain. Krillin is very expressive himself and it shows in a more obvious way, like his grin (I forgot to comment in the past chapter -or the one before it-when it was mentioned that Krillin could dislodge his jaw because of how wide he grins!).
I believe it’s natural for them not to feel so ready to say hello to the Z Fighters. Iabsolutely love 17 giving 18 some advice which in reality is reassurance, because I think it’s true in real life, a little warmth goes a long, long way.
And I loved 17’s words to Krillin. Yes, 17 is a chill dude, and he’s intelligent, he’s experimental, he wants to learn and he’s rewarded when he collects data from the real world, meeting real humans.
And so is his sister, who took it to the next level beginning her beautiful romance with the cultured monk (Love how the “pen gal” nickname comes back). But 18 never lets himsit on his laurels, oh no! In this section of the chapter I also got worried for Krillin’s health, because I’ve never seen him so down and naturally you got me even more attached to the character. I love how Roshi cares for him and goes to the post office for him, I love how he gets flustered at Oolong’s superficial comment about 18 not caring, and then you transition to 18 sitting in the post office in disguise and doing exactly when Oolong says she doesn’t: caring. “He’s nowhere as cute as my Krillin”, now that is a swett, sincere, spontaneous thought. And my heart melted a little with 18, later, darting away to her home with Kril’s letter tucked close to her heart.
And well, 18 and Roshi having a conversation reminds me of her being face to face with Chi Chi and Piccolo. Technically good narration when it’s not 18 who says the name “Roshi”, but the clerk, the brunette post office clerk we all know.
The last part of the chapter had me emotional, with the twins in the dining area and then 18 in her bedroom, mirroring when they/she were/was in the first chapter. Only now there’s a bird friend with them. Only now 18 is leaving for a while to be by her lover’s side, and 17 supports her decision. He’s always supported her, since chapter 1 when she was “Miss love-stricken puppy” and he kindly suggested that she contact Krillin. I love to come across this kind of detail, it feels like a cycle was completed. And it couldn’t be complete with the best hug ever, and the awareness of all the sibling love those two hold for each other. Love that brings them to the brink of tears...
And definitely, I can’t help thinking of 17 and Carly (this Carly) with her being mentioned a third time with a letter to 17 and him affectionately calling her “our Carly”. Forgive me, I can’t help myself.
Krillin having nightmares and finding himself incapable of not cherishing the sunset gave me a little low, but then the wind carries the vision, and the presence of his “Sweeteen”! And it’s like coming back to life.
Well, it looks like it’s almost time to move on, because if this is not the ending, it paves the way to the ending and I can’t wait to see whatever you have in store!

Many thanks for this well-rounded read. Take care

SSS
9/7/2021 c1 2AloiKun
For the amount of action fics I read it’s always pleasant to read a good slice of life romance fic. Liking where it’s heading so excuse me, gotta catch up *running noises*
9/5/2021 c19 6Literal Winter
This chapter wasn't too bad, and whilst I did enjoy it for the most part, there were a few things that felt a bit odd in how everything played out.

I felt that Krillin's sickness was good in that it allowed for some neat moments where Eighteen could fret over him, and showing that whilst she was still somewhat cold towards him, that she cared very much for his well being. On the other hand though, it was Krillin's actions that really stood out as strange to me, as the way he consistently downplayed his clearly deteriorating condition and brushing off everyone else's concern kind of felt out of place for him, as he isn't somebody who I see as being untruthful or foolhardy, which is what it came across as to me.

I understand that this was him trying to not make people worry about him, but since he is obviously in a sorry state and fooling no-one with his meager assurances, he's actually making things harder on everyone with his actions and causing them to worry about his health even more as a result, something that I feel he'd be aware of and would drop the act for his loved one's sake.

That was my main criticism for this chapter, and other than that the rest was pretty decent, and parts like when Seventeen was musing over Carly which was pretty neat, and really opened up an avenue for some character development between the two of them. Also the part with Eighteen going undercover in the post office was a nice callback to your earlier chapters, and it was fun to see her reaction to the clerk as well as the little revelation about Master Roshi as well.

Overall the chapter was solid and did well to set up for the next portion of the story, and aside from the critiques it was still a good read.
8/25/2021 c18 3SuperSimpleStuff
What a fun, entertaining, and deep read!

I'm impressed with how you dealt with the content you laid out here. Let me explain: you introduced us to Monster Island and you even raised the stakes for K18.
There was so much to wonder, to imagine about this that it could have been difficult to select what to bring to life through words to make it satisfying to read and yet concise enough not to sprawl in too many direction, soread yourself too thin and lose focus.
I'm impressed because I love to see structure, and how to structure a story well is an art I am yet to master, so I tip my hat.
The opening sequence with 17 and the eagles almost made me think of a proud parent watching their kid learn something new and have fun while they're at it.
There's two eagles, brother and sister, just like himself and his own "sister dearest" (I enjoyed the superlative form in this chapter).
The detail of the scientific name of the eagles resonated with me, because I knew it and it remembered it -because I like the way it's spelt and the way it sounds.
To be fair I enjoyed so many details, I will lt you know as I write.

Then on to a warm, convivial scene with K18 giving their all to make 17 a surprise. And 17 enjoying the surprise dinner, not just for the nutrients but as an experience: a good meal with the people -and pet- he loves. Could he ask for more? He's worlds apart (like the texture of 18's and Krillin's hair) from the person he was when he got converted by Gero with that single goal in mind (and then, when he personally took care of Gero's demise).
It made me smile how he thinks of poor wiring or so when he realises he's really hungry.
I guess he got accustomed to it (I hear that if you're used to eat very little the stomach "shrinks" and can't take much, conversely if you're used to be very full it's harder to feel satisfied. I'd need to see if both rumors have scientific foundation but well that's what I thought of).
The eagle also enjoying the roast made my smile. And so did 17 being willing to do magic tricks (did he actually mean eating the bone as he has done in chapter 1?).

I taught of machine learning and optimisation when I read that 17 aced every Krillin and 18's mock interview question, which only got more and more difficult over time.
And Krillin is getting ill, then 18 refuses him a little taste of her parfait because she doesn't want to catch anything. I am curious, now, to see if she actually catches something and it's a pretext to see how cyborgs deal with minor illness. Or to see 18 tending to a sickly Krillin. This would be sweet.
SweetSweetie, this is Krillin stepping up the game. He's right, 18 calls him "Kril", he neds to picka term of endearment for her as well.
I loved the manifestations of their love here. 18 getting the hot soup for him, running her fingers through his hair, telling him that he's a terrible liar and showing herself vulnerable, talking about the way she was as a human. Krillin twlling her that her troubled past doesn't countfor him is just fit for his personality and the situation. When you love someone and that someone is now healthy, and they are the love of your life you cannot not accept their baggage...Here you showed us how right they are for each other.

Now, the star of the chapter: 17, and his adventures on monster island. The eagle really wanting to accompany his also shows us how much this boy has changed. He respects life to the point that a wild animal doesn't bugde from his shoulders. And I think that the talons and beak of "bird boy" (love it) don't spear 17 because of how strong he is, and also because the eagle takes care.

The meeting with "the double G's" (love it too) felt natural and satisfying: you clearly outlined them with a few precise strokes (Gland's moustache and background, Graine's energy and appearance) and gave them enough personality for me to be engaged with them, and you didn't drag it out. "Acorn" and "Grain", right?
I have to admit that I would have never expected for the interview to be such a test. I found very clever that it starts early in the morning, it getsrid of some of the lazy cats. And I found clever that 17 had an opportunity to shine like he means it (even if he held back) but then faces a mild reproach. I found it realistic.
I love the details such as him sitting on the hilltop drinking out of the coconut, then disposing of the shell where he got it from not to contaminate the ecosystem; the way you describe his change -he's all confident BUT without the almighty delusion. The trasure hunt is like the first van trip BUT without the killing Goku part; the way he walks is proud BUT not arrogant-. And man he saved a guy from a bear! Not a big deal for him, a huge deal for the guy...

You had me laugh when Doctor Oiseau says "darling". For a moment I was like "is she calling 17 darling?"
It would have been fun but it's sweet that she means the eagle. And that she succeeds in petting it. I think she made a solid impression in 17's mind. I think Gland also did.

I loved the Maposaurus battle with 18, Krillin and even the eagle jumping in and helping out 17. I love how the Maposaurus could take a small hit (and a whistle! Lovely spontaneous reaction he's already had other times) and still be going. It surprised 17. And I enjoyed him enjoying the double G's going all fast&furious, she steering crazily and he shooting tranquilisers. The sequence was dynamic and fun to read.

But the interview with the gang of doctors with birds' names was even better. I like how Dr Autruche and Cygne ("bleached face guy", ho ho!) look like actual autruche and cygne :') they give 17 all the uncomfortable questions one could give and I felt 17's positivity, perseverance and urgence to improve his life. He's standing up for himself. He's making his own future
A chance he can't waste, his real chance. I was thrilled for him. And he handled every question with class, shining but not showing off, keeping his cool even when he could have felt disrespected. Good stuff (and I like how he scans everyome to check for reactions. I also like how 18 checks Krillin's biometrics during the scuffle with the Maposauruses).
And I love how 17 learnt about wildlife like he's almost a PhD, and I love there's dinosaurs and even sabre-toothed tigers
I love that you hinted what might happen in the next chapter, but left me hanging a bit. Like, I expect 17 to get the job, 99.9% sure.
But not 100%
Not 100%

And I'm all for it.
Thank you for this beautiful read.
Kudos on knowing already where you want to go with this story, and also for always maintaining your premise alive (Krillin's letter to Roshi)
Until next time!

SSS
8/23/2021 c18 6Literal Winter
A nice chapter you have here, and I definitely like the focus you put on Seventeen in this one, as after all this was a big character moment for him so good job for keeping the attention on him.

It was cool to read Seventeen excelling at the tasks for the monster island tryouts, and it's awesome for him to have a good showing for all the work and effort he put in for the position that really suits him and his personality, so I'm glad that he's found a purpose and place where he can be happy in his life.

It's also really neat to see Seventeen interact with other people as well, and it's good that he's improved with his people skills to keep his impulsiveness in check, and allow him to calmly respond to people even when they aggravate him somewhat.

The K18 pieces were neat as well, and I think it was good that you gave them a bit of focus in this chapter despite it primarily being a Seventeen centric section. Also I am curious as to whether Krillin's condition is really just a minor ailment, as it had a decent bit of focus for the K18 portions and seemed a bit too prominent for me to dismiss as a inconsequential plot point, so I'd be interested to see if it is expanded upon in the next chapter, though it might just be me coming to the wrong conclusions.

Anyway good chapter all round, and it's cool to hear that you've got the rest of the story planned out, and I'll be looking forward to seeing how this all finishes!
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