Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for White Out

5/21 c2 Tammy McKinnon-I
Love this! Would love to know more about Azure's and Johnny's abilities as 'seers' or shamans!
2/14 c1 fallenhope730
Glad to see you still can't take concrit... not gonna bother repeating what everyone else said, since I mean it's pointless to. Though I'll point out that a woman who is supposedly a grandparent is so insecure in her crappy writing that she feels the need to call someone under the age of 18 an idiot and add them to the great wall of complaining. Pretty pathetic imo
2/14 c1 3TheOtherLopez
As another reviewer posted, the italics are way overused. It is distracting and honestly, downright annoying. And I strongly disagree with your statements that {{No matter how many times you look at something on the word processor, some things don't get spotted until it's on the webpage. Go figure. But it does it every time.}} If you are using a decent editing tool (like Spell Check), some things might manage to slip through, but not proper punctuation and format/style. {{Needs a lot of edits, but I'll get back to it later.}} Yes, it certainly does. The edits should have been done BEFORE you posted this story. Admitting that it needs a lot of edits, then saying you'll get back to it later, is a cop-out. You have the bones for a good story, but right now, it's a huge mess. I would recommend that you take it down, do the edits or find a beta to help you, THEN repost the story.
2/14 c2 7Royslady51
Needs a lot of edits, but I'll get back to it later. No matter how many times you look at something on the word processor, some things don't get spotted until it's on the webpage. Go figure. But it does it every time.
2/14 c1 1all about hope
Okay, I can tell you it's completely impossible to have a completely broke WILD mustang in the short amount of time Johnny worked with him. IMPOSSIBLE. It takes a long time for a lot horses to be broke enough to avoid excessive spooking and bolting out on a trail. How would they feed the horses? I guarantee if you let the horses out to graze without hobbles (which takes a lot of training) they'd leave and never come back. Please be realistic and explain how the heck he did that.

Also, you use italics way too much and don't use bold during a story. It's annoying. There's also parts where "" are missing.

There isn't nearly enough description in this. Reading this is like reading two people having a conversation in a white room - not good. So far it doesn't have anything exciting. I'm going to be brutally honest here, but right now it's plain boring.

Know that these aren't flames. CC. I'll be keeping an eye on this and seeing if it improves in later chapters (which I assume you are writing).
2/14 c1 yankjet
interesting, very different )
2/11 c1 7Royslady51
Just when you thought it was safe to go skiing...

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service