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for Ghosts of Fett

4/26 c4 9Golm-Fervse-dra
Very descriptive story. Jango and Boba Fett have been done a lot, but maybe not so much in the timeline this story takes place in.

Lorewise-you need to decide whether things are on Concordia or Concord Dawn. Get these things down because they matter. Concordia and Concord Dawn are two places that are in different solar systems, many lightyears apart, with completely different terrain.

Definitely the set up for a good story, but I have some suggestions.

You spend a lot of time narrating clothes, appearance items, character histories, attitudes and states of mind to the point it is almost a bit too much. Paragraphs are devoted to the glint of helmets, the wetness of clothes, how groggy a character is feeling, and the meaning and significance of Mando'a nicknames.

Yet, we comparatively very little narration about the locations and scenery surrounding characters-the contexts that these actions are happening in.

In the Prologue, it wasn't until almost the end of the chapter that you mentioned the conversations were taking place in a hangar. With all the mention of rain and wet clothes, I thought it must be outside.

In the 4th chapter, we have a description of a neon sign outside of a shop, and a description of a counter top, then later twin counter tops, but very little else.

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