for A King's Path9/13/2024 c27 oldpotato
Exposition is great, writing style fine, detailing very solid, characterization great.
But your plot seriously is unsatisfying. All this extra training with one of the greatest wizards of all time, all the dueling, all the studying, yet literally nothing changed. Fleur is supposed to be similar power to Bellatrix Lestrange but she still gets caught off guard to a quidditch fanatic, albeit under the imperious. Harry still somehow ties Cedric with the cup, despite having so much more training and Cedric (by your own words) being been the least formidable competitor. Cedric still dies. Harry still gets caught. Harry still is forced to duel, he's still forced to bow, despite all the Occlumency training. Fudge still doesn't believe him. The year ends in exactly the same way despite you spending 20 chapters focusing on all this training with Salazar Slytherin. You spent all this time making Hedwig into a phoenix just to negate that point with the 3 word copout of anti-phoenix wards.
Not to mention, all this focus on emphasizing that he's not as strong as Fleur, he's not as strong as Dumbledoor, he's not as strong as Voldemort. Essentially all you've managed to change is a relationship between Harry and Fleur, which is great with how you've written it, but still.
Exposition is great, writing style fine, detailing very solid, characterization great.
But your plot seriously is unsatisfying. All this extra training with one of the greatest wizards of all time, all the dueling, all the studying, yet literally nothing changed. Fleur is supposed to be similar power to Bellatrix Lestrange but she still gets caught off guard to a quidditch fanatic, albeit under the imperious. Harry still somehow ties Cedric with the cup, despite having so much more training and Cedric (by your own words) being been the least formidable competitor. Cedric still dies. Harry still gets caught. Harry still is forced to duel, he's still forced to bow, despite all the Occlumency training. Fudge still doesn't believe him. The year ends in exactly the same way despite you spending 20 chapters focusing on all this training with Salazar Slytherin. You spent all this time making Hedwig into a phoenix just to negate that point with the 3 word copout of anti-phoenix wards.
Not to mention, all this focus on emphasizing that he's not as strong as Fleur, he's not as strong as Dumbledoor, he's not as strong as Voldemort. Essentially all you've managed to change is a relationship between Harry and Fleur, which is great with how you've written it, but still.
9/12/2024 c4 Alice Scarlett Knabel
in some fanfiction they talk about how the elves need the bond or they die that doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated like family however
in some fanfiction they talk about how the elves need the bond or they die that doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated like family however
9/2/2024 c34 
6Jestrbob
It would be best if you amended the 1st chapter with this note.
I have enjoyed watching your writing improve over time. My writing has improved over the years. I did a major rewrite of my 1st story. I have a second arc of another tale that is ready to release. I have three other stories being considered for publication in paper book format.
Good luck with you writing.
6JestrbobIt would be best if you amended the 1st chapter with this note.
I have enjoyed watching your writing improve over time. My writing has improved over the years. I did a major rewrite of my 1st story. I have a second arc of another tale that is ready to release. I have three other stories being considered for publication in paper book format.
Good luck with you writing.
8/26/2024 c23 Death Lantern
why would Harry be in trouble for having phoenix ? Is Dumbledore in trouble for Fawkes ?
why would Harry be in trouble for having phoenix ? Is Dumbledore in trouble for Fawkes ?
8/26/2024 c19 Death Lantern
Are you sure Harry is learning any occlumancy at all? He is far too much impulsive .
Are you sure Harry is learning any occlumancy at all? He is far too much impulsive .
8/22/2024 c34 Agent Frank
Well I definitely enjoyed this story. There were a lot of cliches early on but I think you handled it pretty well and managed to make an interesting story out of it.
Well I definitely enjoyed this story. There were a lot of cliches early on but I think you handled it pretty well and managed to make an interesting story out of it.
8/20/2024 c34 Guest
This was okay, little kiddish, but still a decent read.
Your rewrite is awful
This was okay, little kiddish, but still a decent read.
Your rewrite is awful