Just In
for Lotuses and Cornflowers

3/16 c1 5miss mika namariya
WOW. Simply incredible.

Minor points first:
- the line breaks for me are showing up as text (either malfunctioning or they didn't copy over). The first one annoyed me but honestly then I got so into the story I really didn't care. But in case you're a perfectionist, wanted to let you know.
- After the 1st line break, you switch to present tense for one sentence (she muses as she presses instead of she mused as she pressed)
- in the Guam dialogue, you have Kyoko say 'Corn' almost every time she is speaking. This might actually be very close to how she talks in the manga, but it sounded a little stilted to me.
- there are three times where you summarize using something like "it went the same" (Momiji audition, Guam day, and Ren's confession). This does a good job of succinctly conveying a lot of plot information without having to summarize it all, and I do really see the utility. However, to me it reads more like an author's placeholder note-to-self than story text. Even if you had to expand it a little bit, I would have liked something else that felt more like in-world narration, if that makes any sense.

I feel like that's very long and doesn't accurately communicate just how much I enjoyed reading this story. I'm sorry for being a little bit nitpicky above, it's just that I was enjoying this so much I read it very slowly to savor it and that's how I end up picking up on little things. But this is immediately going on my favorites list! There is so much drama and tension and I love the pacing. I feel like there's some scenes/action and then you have these great emotional beats to end them (I LOVED the line about Koga not teasing her about Ren anymore, that hit me straight in the chest, it was so perfectly placed).

I haven't read any other stories that use hanahaki, but I have heard about the trope. The first scene where she puts the scissors down her throat is so vivid and visceral I had to scroll back up and see if this story was labeled horror because I almost choked on my own tongue. Literally perfect. I'm not sure if the 'removes all ability to love including friends' is how hanahaki is normally done or if that's what you decided, but I really loved it as it just made the stakes even higher. And I loved seeing Kyoko realize that she has people in her life she really cares about and it makes the decision feel that much more real and emotionally weighty. I also love how you wrote the grudges, it feels so canon! Like you exactly hit the mark between making them imaginary and also having some kind of manifestation that Kyoko can interact with.

The tiny scene with Kanae and Maria is absolutely heartwrenching, in the most beautiful way. Just a really beautiful, well crafted, emotional moment packed into a really tight section. Again, absolutely perfection. Same thing with the Lory scene, I love how Kyoko is so in character that she doesn't acknowledge him, and that summary of their meeting is just really perfect. And the 'she left, still unconvinced' is like a whole tiny story unto itself, there's so much unsaid but it's like... heavy? In a really good way. I like it because knowing how the manga goes, as a reader I can really fill in some of those parts so you don't need to rewrite the whole scene, but you sum up the outcome cleanly so I understand where it fits within this story. Somehow it's much more emotionally impactful than if you had rewrote the whole thing.

The confession is so sweet, and again the coughing scene is actually unpleasant for me to read (but in a good, impressive way because it's just too real and I get freaked out about choking on something). Also I loved Kyoko's realization and reaction to immediately fling herself away. Truly, so in character. Fling is really a great word for how she moves regarding love.

I feel like I don't quite understand why the flowers change. Because Kyoko realizes Ren is Corn subconsciously? Because her love changes? The disease is getting worse? Is there a Ren-lotus connection I'm not getting? I don't really mind (although it's a little on the nose, the lotuses could just have started being blue instead of pink or something) because I really enjoyed the sentence about Kyoko saying the cornflowers aren't on theme.

I really, really loved this. Thank you so much for writing!
3/16 c1 1ninatw
I can't stop excited when I check my mailbox to find your update.
I love Ren*Kyoko in your story.
3/16 c1 1Aikanamintariansha
Ooooh... what's the Hanahaki thing? Is it really one of the myths in Japan, or did you make that one up?
3/16 c1 4Annabella Prinx
Awwww those two seriously! I'm glad you're back with another of your stories. I love how you write KyoRen. Thanks for sharing it with us!

3/15 c1 5nnjvz
Awww, so sad, but also super cute! I love the flower change. Thanks for the story!
3/15 c1 7Tloakk
21 « Prev Page 1 2

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service