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11/22/2021 c22 1Irresponsible boredom
Thanks for the chapter!
11/5/2021 c21 Maroon567
so basically tyuule is still the same but...instead become Zorzal Bitch, (ughhhh i'm gonna hurl a mini nuke one way another)

she become personal slave for more sane and caring imperial noble who power and status equal or higher than zorzal AKA Darius, and actually treated her with care make sure she's not loose her sanity.

i mean in this chapter he show care for his observer which i can assume a Male Elf and the boy show it back to him
11/5/2021 c21 6DFMRCV
Mysterious mysteries and... foreshadowing?

I can definitely say that this is intriguing. Like I've said in other reviews, the original Gate canon is relatively simple. The Empire's past is heavily implied to be similar to that of Rome's, if not directly linked to it, as in... a nation founded on some basis of Republicanism eventually becoming powerful and eventually conquering the continent and eventually becoming drunk on its own power and its leaders growing corrupt... presumably... there are a LOT of areas in Gate that are just up in the air when it comes to the Empire. Even in my fic, I kept it mostly vague and focused on the scenario.

This is already tossing a Molotov cocktail into the original canon because here, the Empire is linked to a larger continent and is apparently planning on uniting it by expanding, which leads into the Summoning Japan element of this crossover. Like I've said before, I don't know enough about Summoning Japan to really comment too much on it, but the fact that you are setting up an established world already helps expand the Empire's characterization... and then there's the mystery you're tossing in here...

I've personally always been someone who loves the idea of ancient mysteries that are practically impossible to solve because they're just that old, so all you're left with is an uncertain sense of "oh, something bad happened a thousand years ago" but on clue as to what or why or how. Your narration here is pretty good at conveying that sense of dread that an ancient calamity may result in problems in the present while not giving away a whole lot about what exactly that calamity might be.

Then there's Tyuule... not 100% sure how to feel about it yet as we haven't seen a whole lot of her here so far. Right now she's supposed to be Zorzal's slave but has somehow become friends with an imperial captain who tries to be moral and upright in a quickly expanding and malicious empire? Ehh... we'll see how it goes. Tyuule's whole backstory is that she wants vengeance and the three years of abuse under Zorzal is what makes her so ruthless but also interesting to see as she does everything to try to destroy the Empire. Giving her a morality pet from the start to keep her from going fully over the edge... well, I worry it might lessen her character.

But hey, that's just me.

Good little interlude chapter, and congratulations on getting a TV Trope recommendation, my guy!

Keep up the good work!
10/22/2021 c20 1Irresponsible boredom
*whew*

God. Reading this whole arc gave me a rollercoaster of emotions. That whole LAV massacre scene with the 50 cal? Badass, so was that hot tempered Shino and that otaku.

This cooldown chapter was a good touch. I needed a break reading all this.

Thabks for the chap! I'm glad that this fic turned out different than I thought! It really feels like a while new series. I kinda wish the whole fight scenes in this arc were all animated.
10/21/2021 c20 Guest
Wonderful conclusion to the Coda Village Arc! I really did not expect that such a small arc could be expanded like this and turned into a new perspective. It feels like watching a brand new series overall and the characters were really on point and the vibes that each scene produced...like watching an actual movie or series on TV.

Very refreshing indeed! You really put effort into making the best out the story.

Congratulations! Looking forward for the next arc!
10/21/2021 c20 DFMRCV
Nice.

Overall, good chapter.

Trying to think of any negatives, but I got nothing that isn't a nitpick.

Again, you have the characterizations down very well here, from the girls being clearly shaken from the fight to Rory's own dialogue as she continues to make herself more interesting here compared to her canon self.

The strengths of previous chapters are still here, too. The fantasy element feels very naturally implemented, to the point that this chapter reminded me less of an anime episode and more of how a fantasy RPG might conclude a chapter after a successful run. Like... this is the beginning of an adventure, not just a chapter designed to show how hardcore our side of the Gate's militaries can be.

Like, I'm seriously getting genuine anime vibes here at times. The scene with "Terra" was certainly interesting, as one would assume Rory had access to the souls and spirits she sends through to Emroy, at least to SOME extent, but her canon self is just a killing machine who never feels like she's a so-called god's "representative". I really like how you're leaning into that aspect of her in this fic, like I've said before, so seeing her here and her helper explain bits of the village past and how the world has its own life force (seriously, did the author forget that scene with the strange lights from the anime or was that an anime original?) and how Rory's job is to also help purify the souls.

So, yeah... nice worldbuilding, nice characterization... can't really find anything that was done in a way that made me raise an eyebrow. I guess the scenes with the Recon Team and Rangers chatting didn't really feel like it characterized all that much? Like... it did, just not on the level of the main characters, but that's not really an issue.

Some setup for the future... that mysterious woman at the end meant to be Hardy? Someone else? Again, I'm invested, and it would have been cool to have gotten some more details on where exactly this woman was. Calling it that it's Hardy, but... well, that's just me. Chocobos were interesting, living, seemingly sentient plants were interesting... seriously, good job on the worldbuilding and leaning more into the fantasy elements than the original Gate series. Had this been an anime it would already have been on my watch list.

Overall, this was a well-done expansion on an overall small section from the original canon. The one noticeable issue from the entire arc was some of the details on the military classifications (.22 caliber instead of 5.56 NATO from the previous chapters), but again, that's not really an issue for the story.

I wonder how you'll do future characters here, as this is a larger world... Tyuule is my favorite character from the entire Gate canon, but... well, you do you, you know?

Good read, good and enjoyable expansive arc, the worldbuilding was on point, characters and their characterization felt far, FAR more genuine and thought out than the original Gate canon.

Strengths for this fic have been pretty consistent and I do think it's the only one of its kind here at the moment.

So, yeah. Good job, and keep it up! Looking forward to the next part!
10/21/2021 c1 6DFMRCV
(FF wouldn't let me post the other Review on chapter 20 for some reason? Posting it here.)

Nice.

Overall, good chapter.

Trying to think of any negatives, but I got nothing that isn't a nitpick.

Again, you have the characterizations down very well here, from the girls being clearly shaken from the fight to Rory's own dialogue as she continues to make herself more interesting here compared to her canon self.

The strengths of previous chapters are still here, too. The fantasy element feels very naturally implemented, to the point that this chapter reminded me less of an anime episode and more of how a fantasy RPG might conclude a chapter after a successful run. Like... this is the beginning of an adventure, not just a chapter designed to show how hardcore our side of the Gate's militaries can be.

Like, I'm seriously getting genuine anime vibes here at times. The scene with "Terra" was certainly interesting, as one would assume Rory had access to the souls and spirits she sends through to Emroy, at least to SOME extent, but her canon self is just a killing machine who never feels like she's a so-called god's "representative". I really like how you're leaning into that aspect of her in this fic, like I've said before, so seeing her here and her helper explain bits of the village past and how the world has its own life force (seriously, did the author forget that scene with the strange lights from the anime or was that an anime original?) and how Rory's job is to also help purify the souls.

So, yeah... nice worldbuilding, nice characterization... can't really find anything that was done in a way that made me raise an eyebrow. I guess the scenes with the Recon Team and Rangers chatting didn't really feel like it characterized all that much? Like... it did, just not on the level of the main characters, but that's not really an issue.

Some setup for the future... that mysterious woman at the end meant to be Hardy? Someone else? Again, I'm invested, and it would have been cool to have gotten some more details on where exactly this woman was. Calling it that it's Hardy, but... well, that's just me. Chocobos were interesting, living, seemingly sentient plants were interesting... seriously, good job on the worldbuilding and leaning more into the fantasy elements than the original Gate series. Had this been an anime it would already have been on my watch list.

Overall, this was a well-done expansion on an overall small section from the original canon. The one noticeable issue from the entire arc was some of the details on the military classifications (.22 caliber instead of 5.56 NATO from the previous chapters), but again, that's not really an issue for the story.

I wonder how you'll do future characters here, as this is a larger world... Tyuule is my favorite character from the entire Gate canon, but... well, you do you, you know?

Good read, good and enjoyable expansive arc, the worldbuilding was on point, characters and their characterization felt far, FAR more genuine and thought out than the original Gate canon.

Strengths for this fic have been pretty consistent and I do think it's the only one of its kind here at the moment.

So, yeah. Good job, and keep it up! Looking forward to the next part!
10/19/2021 c1 naufalrakha0104
Toxic are everywhere... Ah nevermind
10/16/2021 c20 DFMRCV
Alright, end of the Coda village arc.

Pretty good chapter overall.

Small inconsistencies here and there, such as sometimes curses are censored and sometimes not? Might just be a glitch when you uploaded it, but it was a bit weird? I again recommend checking out the Demolition Ranch YouTube channel if you want to get some idea of how powerful some munitions can be for future use. It's a pretty entertaining channel as well if you just want to watch a guy blowing things up.

Um... other than that, the one thing that kind of made me raise an eyebrow is the occasional action line? Felt a bit cheesy to have characters in a combat situation spit off one-liners, though I can see Kuribayashi trying something like that.

Anywho, Kurata is alive. Yay!

This chapter was very much chaotic, though. Similar to the last chapter, the strengths still carry over. I will add that sometimes it did feel a bit "told" instead of "shown" if you know what I mean.

One example is Shino coming in on a horse. That's fine, but instead of having a line explaining that she had found it in an abandoned barn could have been done a bit more naturally, like having Kurokawa ask where she got the horse after the situation was resolved like...

Kurokawa-"Uh... where did you even get the horse?"

Shino- "Found it in a barn. Luck, I guess?"

Again, no big deal, just a bit I noticed and figured I'd advice, cause this whole thing was mostly shown and not told, so examples of it were a bit noticeable.

Ritual to contain the demons was... uh... interesting... okay, I admit, I'm not good around blood, so imagining the whole slicing the hand bit made me personally squeezy, which is partly why the ritual to bring them forth originally struck me so... good job on that. Funny I can write and read about men getting mowed down but cuts to specific areas make me physically recoil...

Rory coming in for the save was pretty cool, especially seeing her actually purify the souls here.

I really have to commend that you did a very good job in characterizing these characters here. In the original Gate novel, the characters... do stuff... but there wasn't much of an establishing character moment, at least not like this. Tuka was a victim that had some useful information, but that was it, Lelei was a student with a sense of interest in new themes but that was it, and Rory was physically powerful and that was it. The engagement with the flame dragon did have the girls participate to a degree, but nothing that would be much of an establishing moment character-wise.

Here you do see them more than willing to work together to try and solve the situation in any way they can. Lelei is knowledgeable, and Tuka is clearly more headstrong here. Also, really liking how your characterizing Rory here. Again, she just hits differently. She's like an actual 900-year-old apostle put there to serve the people which makes her FAR more interesting in my opinion, not just a girl who was happy and took pleasure in seeing death. At least that would make her interest in our side more understandable as the modern world could potentially make life easier and even make it so she doesn't have to run around constantly protecting the weak or purifying their souls.

So, yeah... the feeling that this is more of an adventure than a war story is more present here. Good chapter.

I look forward to the next one!
10/7/2021 c2 MrTin09
US army? shouldn't be US marines
10/4/2021 c19 DFMRCV
Aww, thank you! Do keep in mind, I'm just a guy who likes reading and writing.

Anywho, on to the chapter.

Alright, good... good...

Few quick things... uh... okay, not that quick... but they aren't a big deal, just stuff I noticed and figured I should mention in the review since that's what this is for.

Is Al like... a rookie? I would assume a mechanic would know how to work an LAV if he's a mechanic... unless this is the Japanese model and it's different from the American model? Would have liked some more details there, but it's not a big deal as it is just foreshadowing the lore of the village to someone who is relatively away from the action.

Now, the one bit that made me raise an eyebrow... um... .22 caliber bullets?

Maybe I missed the rifles they were carrying, but for the JSDF, it should either be 7.62 or 5.56 NATO, similar with the US forces depending on the rifle. Now, in the original canon, the JSDF is using the Howa Type 64 rifle, which is an older variant that used 7.62 NATO ammunition similar to America's M14 Battle Rifle of the time, while their current main rifle, the Howa Type 89 uses the 5.56 NATO rounds, similar to our M4 rifles, which while technically a .22 caliber bullet, it really doesn't do it justice to just call it a .22 given the bullet isn't considered a "real" caliber by many. You can probably watch some Demolition Ranch videos to get an idea of what I mean as a .22 bullet simply doesn't have the same amount of power and penetration of a 5.56 or .223 (the rounds the Type 89 and M4 use).

Again, not a big deal, just a little tidbit I noticed and figured I would mention here so that you can avoid causing the gun geeks to raise an eyebrow.

But, yeah, pretty good chapter. The idea that this is very much a different world is just getting more and more cemented with these chapters as the archaic magic summoning practically unkillable demons is something that I don't think has ever been done in a Gate fic. Feel kind of bad for the guys running with a hundred pounds of equipment, dodging what is essentially a walking nightmare.

It was interesting to see you try and simplify the horror aspect cause it did work overall in my opinion. It felt like you were leaning more on the adventure side of things as everyone kind of runs around now that the radios were cut and they don't really have a complete picture of what's going on, which, I think is a fair call. A lot of horror movies would just not have the radios be a factor at all, which is kind of annoying at times, but it worked here to add to the whole "oh, crap, this is magic, a complete unknown to us". At least here we're seeing that it is still very much chaotic as you're throwing a lot of the guys' basic training and throwing it out the window given how alien their situation is, making them improvise, which... yeah, overall decent enough as all they can really do is run.

Again, the magic is REALLY making its presence felt here, I mean... I really don't know how to explain this, it all feels like genuine set up and world building on the fact that, hey, this is a world where magic exists and is very much in play. A far cry from the battle of eras of many fics, mine included, but in a good way. There is an air of mystery, too... not sure what's up with that glowing light giving people advice, but again it adds to the whole "this is an adventure story", not so much a war story, which is pretty sweet.

I guess one way to describe it is what the original author of Gate tried to do? In the original Gate we did get elements of "ha-ha, fun travelling into a fantasy world" but it was constantly colliding with politics and trying to show how cool Japan was, and overall was detrimental to the story. While a lot of Gate fics do tend to lean on the exploration of a war with a technologically inferior force, or the character aspect, yours is leaning into the fantasy and exploration aspect which, as I've said, is a welcome change.

The potential concern is that the tone may suffer if done wrong, but so far it's working alright.

Characters are still pretty good. Rory is again, pretty interesting while she's around as she's different from her canon self but not to the point she's unrecognizable. Her Halberg materializing whenever she wills it is pretty cool. Itami is still a concerned officer at least, so kudos on keeping that aspect. The ghosts were... well, a creepy addition that cements the whole "the land is CURSED" bit, but yeah, I was a bit more freaked out by the whole revenge consuming people's hearts here, which... hmm... hoping isn't foreshadowing anything, but I digress.

Also... developing potential romance between Shino and Kurata? hello, Persia, having some competition? Curious, curious!

...oh, right... unless he DIES... geez, that ENDING! I did not expect it, like...

Kurata: *EAT THIS!*

Me: "Oh, is Rory going to show up and-?"

*BOOM!*

Chapter: ends.

Yeah, I'm pretty invested.

Good chapter overall, good work, keep it up. Looking forward to see if the cat-lover makes it out alive or not... I mean... even if the thing doesn't die from that explosion, a fragmentation grenade is probably going to ruin his day given how close he was to it and even if he's unharmed from the grenade, the dude got stabbed!

Again, good chapter, looking forward to the next one!
9/22/2021 c18 naufalrakha0104
Oke.. Take your time as you need... Waiting for next fic
9/20/2021 c6 4Coment9
Ever thought about making a wik for this story?
9/19/2021 c17 6DFMRCV
Hmm... Okay, so this was certainly different.

Again, I enjoy the fact that you're keeping things in perspective and avoiding the pitfalls of just dumping exposition through regular text, or failing to give information by focusing too much on a single character. You're doing very well by keeping the story focused on the individual characters and their perspectives in this fantasy world.

Of course, a problem with following this process that could potentially arise is that there are too many characters to follow at a time as we saw in the original Gate series as it came to an end and the author decided to just kill off as many characters as possible. This isn't a problem here right now, but a word of advice is to proceed with caution on how many character perspectives you include in a chapter... just a lesson I learned writing Freedom's Ring is all.

Overall, good job.

That said, if I had one "gripe" for this chapter, it would have to be that I didn't really see the purpose of the Chocobo scene. I guess to build up Itam and Rory's arrival for the next chapter? I mean, I get that their LAV broke down, but I'm not sure what the scene with the living trees added overall other than "oh... crap... dangerous plants exist" which, not really an issue, happy for the worldbuilding, it just felt a bit out of place given everything going on with Marcus and Cato and Hodor and the village evacuation. Like, you could have had Rory just hint at the Chocobos and then cut away for the reveal next chapter and I don't think it would change much, but maybe it's foreshadowing something else? I don't know, it just kind of stood out to me is all as there is a sense of urgency, but this one scene felt less like it added to it and more like it was its own thing, which is fine, it didn't ruin the chapter or anything, it's just felt a touch out of place.

Also, are the guys riding them with their hundred pounds of gear (plate carriers, kevlar, rifles, ammo, etc.)? Cause... those poor birds...

Moving on...

Then there's the ending... gotta say, I really liked the build-up going on here. There is a very clear sense of dread for the unknown here that's different from other Gate fics as we're dealing more with an unknown entity instead of simple fantasy creatures seen in most Isekai stories. Even in the main Gate canon, the "unknowns" are treated with a surgical coldness that even when a direct implication for what the threat could be is given, it never feels like a threat... looking at you "Apcryph".

Heck, even in other works this is different. Where in some other stories like Here we go Again or even my own fic, the dread would come from facing the enemy and having to kill them as these are stories that really lean into the "war of eras" side of things. There is genuinely a different atmosphere in this fic, and so far, it's been pretty good.

Like I've said before, it's nice to see a fic that focuses more on the fantasy aspect of a story in a more interesting way that focuses more on the fact that this is another world, a nice breath of fresh air.

Movie references are fine, though I do wonder how you plan on dealing with these "demonic beasts". You set up the speaker being used here to help the villagers, so... if you're referencing A Quiet Place, I have a decent idea of how it's going to be used... assuming it's used.

Overall, good read. Glad to see you back in the gist of it.

Oh, and word of advice for writing the long chapters... don't sweat it.

Write a chapter so it gets to the point you planned or feel comfortable leaving it at. When I wrote Freedom's Ring and The Fight we Chose I needed the longer chapters to advance the story I had in mind. Planning helps, but you just need to have an idea of where you want the chapter to end.

That's way more important than length.

Keep up the good work!
9/15/2021 c16 4Major Simi
Well interesting chapter
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