for Fawkes The Familiar Phoenix11/21/2021 c1 Suyarisss
Chapter titles as line breaks are so damn distracting. I’ve lost interest already.
Chapter titles as line breaks are so damn distracting. I’ve lost interest already.
11/13/2021 c15 Guest
I would like to reiterate that I don't mind the dark elements of the story. Actually I think it's a good story it is just the switch back and forth being Fawkes' stupid antics is very jarring.
Okay did you ever watch the Lord of the Rings? Do you remember the characters Merry and Pippin, the other two hobbits that traveled with Frodo and Sam, and the rest of the fellowship. Do you remember how in the beginning they kept joking around, being all careless and carefree. Even when the situation was very serious, and their actions actually ended up causing a lot of problems?
Well that is what it feels like when ever Fawkes is in the scene. As a reader I can't think of his actions as funny or enjoyable. Instead they come across as annoying and distracting from the real story. Granted it wasn't always like that, in the beginning of the fic before you introduced the darker elements Fawkes was hilarious. It's just that scene with the dragon firework at the beginning of the first LOTR movie was also hilarious.
I would like to reiterate that I don't mind the dark elements of the story. Actually I think it's a good story it is just the switch back and forth being Fawkes' stupid antics is very jarring.
Okay did you ever watch the Lord of the Rings? Do you remember the characters Merry and Pippin, the other two hobbits that traveled with Frodo and Sam, and the rest of the fellowship. Do you remember how in the beginning they kept joking around, being all careless and carefree. Even when the situation was very serious, and their actions actually ended up causing a lot of problems?
Well that is what it feels like when ever Fawkes is in the scene. As a reader I can't think of his actions as funny or enjoyable. Instead they come across as annoying and distracting from the real story. Granted it wasn't always like that, in the beginning of the fic before you introduced the darker elements Fawkes was hilarious. It's just that scene with the dragon firework at the beginning of the first LOTR movie was also hilarious.
11/13/2021 c15 James Birdsong
Oh grand
Oh grand
11/13/2021 c15 The Disquieting One
honestly, i prefer the plot. but, i can see how the shift is a bit jarring. if you want Fawkes to be the pitstop between the heavy parts, it will be better to be something more heartwarming rather than comedy
honestly, i prefer the plot. but, i can see how the shift is a bit jarring. if you want Fawkes to be the pitstop between the heavy parts, it will be better to be something more heartwarming rather than comedy
11/8/2021 c14 Guest
Gonna be honest, I really don't like the dark elements you've introduced into the story. I don't think something being dark automatically makes it bad, and a lighthearted story can have dark moments, but this is like changing genre. The weirdest thing is you still have the light hearted bits, but now they just seem super out of place.
I mean one minute you've got Tabitha being tortured, and some noble kids plotting what girl they want to r*pe next, then it's what crazy shenanigans will Fawkes get up to next. The contrast between grimdark, and lighthearted tomfoolery is too much.
If I was you I would make this two different stories, one funny goofy light hearted story about Fawkes zany adventures as Louise familiar. The other a darker more serious story that explores the most twisted aspect of the Harry Potter, and Familiar of Zero universe. Maybe you could set that story during the seventh book, when Voldemort has taken over, and everything is really bleak. You could have Louise familiar be of one of the muggleborn that was thrown into Azkaban. You could easily write something super dark with a setting like that, alternately you could also write a pretty good hurt/comfort story with that premise.
Gonna be honest, I really don't like the dark elements you've introduced into the story. I don't think something being dark automatically makes it bad, and a lighthearted story can have dark moments, but this is like changing genre. The weirdest thing is you still have the light hearted bits, but now they just seem super out of place.
I mean one minute you've got Tabitha being tortured, and some noble kids plotting what girl they want to r*pe next, then it's what crazy shenanigans will Fawkes get up to next. The contrast between grimdark, and lighthearted tomfoolery is too much.
If I was you I would make this two different stories, one funny goofy light hearted story about Fawkes zany adventures as Louise familiar. The other a darker more serious story that explores the most twisted aspect of the Harry Potter, and Familiar of Zero universe. Maybe you could set that story during the seventh book, when Voldemort has taken over, and everything is really bleak. You could have Louise familiar be of one of the muggleborn that was thrown into Azkaban. You could easily write something super dark with a setting like that, alternately you could also write a pretty good hurt/comfort story with that premise.
11/4/2021 c14 
8xyzdreadnought
...
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Alright I'll bite, what the Hell is Administator D doing here? What the actual frick does the self declared most evil god have to do with Fawkes?
8xyzdreadnought...
...
Alright I'll bite, what the Hell is Administator D doing here? What the actual frick does the self declared most evil god have to do with Fawkes?
10/12/2021 c2 1Emu Thing
"Birds didn't even live that long a life." ... Eagle can live 50 years, large parrots can live for 90 years.
even a healthy Cockatiel will can live for 25 years.
1Emu Thing"Birds didn't even live that long a life." ... Eagle can live 50 years, large parrots can live for 90 years.
even a healthy Cockatiel will can live for 25 years.
9/20/2021 c1 Guest
I do not like that fawks stole the hollows from harry
I do not like that fawks stole the hollows from harry
9/8/2021 c10 2Kitsune Obsessed Freak
This went from funny and cute to kinda strange and somewhat boring really fast. Ngl.
2Kitsune Obsessed FreakThis went from funny and cute to kinda strange and somewhat boring really fast. Ngl.
9/8/2021 c10 Kitsune Obsessed Freak
Indefinitely. Not in defiantly. Why did your grammar and spelling suddenly go to shit man?
Indefinitely. Not in defiantly. Why did your grammar and spelling suddenly go to shit man?