
7/10/2023 c1 Konoha's shadow
Needs more detail
Needs more detail
4/7/2021 c1
7MagnusLR
So, this one was quite difficult to read, punctuation I believe was not used correctly and that's why many sentences don't make that much sense like "tooth wine. of lion" is it a lion's tooth wine? tooth wine made of lions? or is Lion a person's name so it's "Lion's tooth wine". 2) What do you mean with "says the opposite"? like Venti was saying he looked ill but was appreciating his face? or like was mentioning the opposite of how he was feeling cause that wasn't the case, since he felt hot and bothered, or you mean the person "opposite" to him, cause Venti is supposedly beside him, so not really opposite, or maybe you meant he's opposite because he's an Alpha to his Omega? cause that relationship it's not of opposition but a pair, they genders complement each other. 3) "he clung to the bard... without understanding him"? without understanding why he was clinging to the bard? not understanding what the bard was doing? what was happening in general? or why the bard smelled the way he smelled? what did you mean by that? 4) "you had even asked for an specific room for a routine", is this narrated? dialogue? what routine? is that Venti's room or Aethers? if Venti pulled the key from "a pocket" not an specific one but later on Aether says "thank you for bringing me to my room" so that's possibly Aether's, Does Venti mean Aether chose that room for his down time (heat), or is he implying he chose the room to have the heat WITH Venti? it doesn't make sense, at all.
Now, from the moment Venti decides to stay and pushes Aether to the bed even thou he has said "no" at least 3 times and with physical expressions as well, this is non consent. Rape.
what do you mean with "lost in the heat of jealousy"? you mean maybe "lust"?
In common circumstances of a romantic heat scene saying "undoubtedly a cruel alpha, playing and making fun of him" could be taken as part of the slow burn, the cheeky playful lust increasing torture, etc. But since you started the non consent the expression turns quite abusive. Specially since in almost all Omega verse stories the "heat" is expressed as a moment of high hormonal discharge that makes you loose body autonomy, even mind autonomy, since it gives a drug kind of high. So, again, non-consent, Venti is forcing himself on Aether and since he's weak and drugged because of the alcohol and heat hormones he can't fight, and he will eventually thou still unwillingly accept the alpha.
So, as I understand Venti's dick is around 297cm, almost 3mt... ? was that meant as an exaggeration since he's afraid of the impending penetration? also, why does Venti ask TWICE if Zhongli did something to immediately say he KNOWS nothing happened? maybe you meant that when exposing Aether's flesh and checking he noticed no marking so he determined it was possibly not done? it's yet another thing that doesn't make a lot of sense.
"terrified" "anguish" maybe you should have added a warning about sexual harassment, abuse, non-consent and rape.
I was seriously hoping for something good and lovely to read, maybe some good smut, but this was not only difficult to read through because of the grammar and redaction errors, but also because of the sudden and uncalled for abuse and violence. Some like rape scenarios, but you should gives us a heads-up, so Us that don't like them can't avoid reading this

So, this one was quite difficult to read, punctuation I believe was not used correctly and that's why many sentences don't make that much sense like "tooth wine. of lion" is it a lion's tooth wine? tooth wine made of lions? or is Lion a person's name so it's "Lion's tooth wine". 2) What do you mean with "says the opposite"? like Venti was saying he looked ill but was appreciating his face? or like was mentioning the opposite of how he was feeling cause that wasn't the case, since he felt hot and bothered, or you mean the person "opposite" to him, cause Venti is supposedly beside him, so not really opposite, or maybe you meant he's opposite because he's an Alpha to his Omega? cause that relationship it's not of opposition but a pair, they genders complement each other. 3) "he clung to the bard... without understanding him"? without understanding why he was clinging to the bard? not understanding what the bard was doing? what was happening in general? or why the bard smelled the way he smelled? what did you mean by that? 4) "you had even asked for an specific room for a routine", is this narrated? dialogue? what routine? is that Venti's room or Aethers? if Venti pulled the key from "a pocket" not an specific one but later on Aether says "thank you for bringing me to my room" so that's possibly Aether's, Does Venti mean Aether chose that room for his down time (heat), or is he implying he chose the room to have the heat WITH Venti? it doesn't make sense, at all.
Now, from the moment Venti decides to stay and pushes Aether to the bed even thou he has said "no" at least 3 times and with physical expressions as well, this is non consent. Rape.
what do you mean with "lost in the heat of jealousy"? you mean maybe "lust"?
In common circumstances of a romantic heat scene saying "undoubtedly a cruel alpha, playing and making fun of him" could be taken as part of the slow burn, the cheeky playful lust increasing torture, etc. But since you started the non consent the expression turns quite abusive. Specially since in almost all Omega verse stories the "heat" is expressed as a moment of high hormonal discharge that makes you loose body autonomy, even mind autonomy, since it gives a drug kind of high. So, again, non-consent, Venti is forcing himself on Aether and since he's weak and drugged because of the alcohol and heat hormones he can't fight, and he will eventually thou still unwillingly accept the alpha.
So, as I understand Venti's dick is around 297cm, almost 3mt... ? was that meant as an exaggeration since he's afraid of the impending penetration? also, why does Venti ask TWICE if Zhongli did something to immediately say he KNOWS nothing happened? maybe you meant that when exposing Aether's flesh and checking he noticed no marking so he determined it was possibly not done? it's yet another thing that doesn't make a lot of sense.
"terrified" "anguish" maybe you should have added a warning about sexual harassment, abuse, non-consent and rape.
I was seriously hoping for something good and lovely to read, maybe some good smut, but this was not only difficult to read through because of the grammar and redaction errors, but also because of the sudden and uncalled for abuse and violence. Some like rape scenarios, but you should gives us a heads-up, so Us that don't like them can't avoid reading this