for The Tale of Lord Harlan Stark of Winterfell6/29 c1 Guest
Hwere do they have the right to command hi to do a thing?! They were surprised by his power. Kill death kill fate. Stand above all!
Hwere do they have the right to command hi to do a thing?! They were surprised by his power. Kill death kill fate. Stand above all!
5/2 c9 Guest
I decided to look through some of the old stories I would re-read occasionally and was very happy to see a new chapter for this story! I hope you are doing well :)
I decided to look through some of the old stories I would re-read occasionally and was very happy to see a new chapter for this story! I hope you are doing well :)
4/13 c4 melikereading
Hello!
Good story so far, revealing details along the way in a coherent manner but not too much of an information blurb (still is but short).
For a review, Id say be careful or repetition in writing. Rather than explaining the same thought process that Robb made with his division of 30 to 50 men in Jon’s perspective, that space should be used to give a different details. Like how when Harry and their father saw the plan, it was used to show emotions of the relationship between son and father.
Thanks for writing,
A Reader
Hello!
Good story so far, revealing details along the way in a coherent manner but not too much of an information blurb (still is but short).
For a review, Id say be careful or repetition in writing. Rather than explaining the same thought process that Robb made with his division of 30 to 50 men in Jon’s perspective, that space should be used to give a different details. Like how when Harry and their father saw the plan, it was used to show emotions of the relationship between son and father.
Thanks for writing,
A Reader
2/14 c1 Guest
Harry could had done better that his mother look a like gold digger whore Ginny tbh
Harry could had done better that his mother look a like gold digger whore Ginny tbh
2/8 c9 winniesm
The plot is good but the writing is just so bad, I can't quite make head or tail of what you want to say.
The plot is good but the writing is just so bad, I can't quite make head or tail of what you want to say.
2/7 c1 mostcommentsimakearebullshit
Poor harry he married the carbon copy of his mother and a gold digger
Poor harry he married the carbon copy of his mother and a gold digger
11/4/2023 c2 
12Mist of Rainbows
When you have something from Ned's point of view, Jon is his nephew, he's not a bastard. There should be a bit more showing, not telling now that we're fully into the story. It's still reading a bit like a summary.
12Mist of RainbowsWhen you have something from Ned's point of view, Jon is his nephew, he's not a bastard. There should be a bit more showing, not telling now that we're fully into the story. It's still reading a bit like a summary.
9/9/2023 c9 WearyCurmudgeon
Two things that I forgot.
House Barnell was introduced in "A Song of Ice and Fire Roleplaying" published by "Green Rhonin Publishing".
They originate due to Robert's Rebellion, are loyal to House Stark and their seat; Castle Grenward is located near the Green Fork at the northern end of the Trident, they'd be the ones interested in having a bridge of their own. (Used to belong to House Darry, but they lost half their lands due to supporting the Targeryans.)
Thus allowing you to stomp down on the Freys.
Lastly, you had Stannis think about Harry's involvement with curing Shireen. I think you might've left those scenes on the editting table and it's too important a plot point to gloss over.
Flashback to handle it?
Two things that I forgot.
House Barnell was introduced in "A Song of Ice and Fire Roleplaying" published by "Green Rhonin Publishing".
They originate due to Robert's Rebellion, are loyal to House Stark and their seat; Castle Grenward is located near the Green Fork at the northern end of the Trident, they'd be the ones interested in having a bridge of their own. (Used to belong to House Darry, but they lost half their lands due to supporting the Targeryans.)
Thus allowing you to stomp down on the Freys.
Lastly, you had Stannis think about Harry's involvement with curing Shireen. I think you might've left those scenes on the editting table and it's too important a plot point to gloss over.
Flashback to handle it?
9/8/2023 c9 WearyCurmudgeon
- Armour
Have you considered updating Harry's armour from that leather/ring mail with some plate pieces to maybe a gambeson with goussets (Japanese Kikkō rather than mail?) as the under armour and brigandine (as brigandine leggings did exist to protect the thighs, as did brigandine gorgets for the neck), poleyn for the knees, couter for the elbows and greaves for the shins?
That should up his protection levels by quite a bit, even if it is a tad heavier.
Still lighter than plate armour though and should be roughly equivalent to a hauberk.
- Weaponry
Considering you have Harry trading with Essos, you may want to think about whether Yi Ti has managed to create a repeating crossbow like their Chinese counterparts did in RL.
For a defensive location like Moat Cailin it's a very useful weapon.
- Upgrades 1
You may want to consider upgrading Harry's fortress so that it can cover all four sides, not just the south.
Why?
Because if you make a canal between the Saltspear and White Knife you can make transit a lot quicker for merchants, even more so if you also dig a canal between Blazewater Bay and Ironman's Bay, so they can hug the coast and get to Seagard. (Would also require an upgrade of Flint's Finger.)
You'd need those rivergates (watergates?) mentioned in "Northern Winds" by "Sage1988" to help curb any Ironborn raids, but it would put pressure on the Frey's and their high tolls, which also jacks up the prices of food.
Because outside of making a deal with the Tully's to support the building of a bridge at, I think it was, Harroway town, there's no other real way to pressure them to lower their prices.
- Upgrades 2
Another project that Harry might want to consider is building a city on... not sure if the area is part of the Rills or the Stony Shore, but the western most river ending into Blazewater Bay, deepen those rivers and make interconnecting canals to the rivers leading to Torrhen's Square and Barrowton and you have another minor trading hub. Again, would need rivergates.
But might make a good holding for Bran. (Zhentil Keep or Yartar have designs that might be useful.)
And if Harry wants one for Rickon, and rebuilding the western Stark fleet. Than a city and shipyard at Sea Dragon point might be another option. (Another area which might allow for rice paddies.) Depending on the size of the hills, he could take inspiration from Krak des Chevaliers.
As that would be a hard nut for the Ironborn to crack.
- Back sheathe
Don't listen to the complaints about that.
"Shadiversity" over on YouTube has done videos on it. Initially thought it stupid, but came to the conclusion that yes, it is possible and isn't too unwieldy. Just requires the right type of sheathe setup, as the regular ones are far from optimal.
- Dual wielding
As for the arming sword, short sword combo. Again, feasible, depending upon the size of the short sword.
No different from using a main gauche with a Schiavona.
So again a complaint without merit in my eyes.
- Armour
Have you considered updating Harry's armour from that leather/ring mail with some plate pieces to maybe a gambeson with goussets (Japanese Kikkō rather than mail?) as the under armour and brigandine (as brigandine leggings did exist to protect the thighs, as did brigandine gorgets for the neck), poleyn for the knees, couter for the elbows and greaves for the shins?
That should up his protection levels by quite a bit, even if it is a tad heavier.
Still lighter than plate armour though and should be roughly equivalent to a hauberk.
- Weaponry
Considering you have Harry trading with Essos, you may want to think about whether Yi Ti has managed to create a repeating crossbow like their Chinese counterparts did in RL.
For a defensive location like Moat Cailin it's a very useful weapon.
- Upgrades 1
You may want to consider upgrading Harry's fortress so that it can cover all four sides, not just the south.
Why?
Because if you make a canal between the Saltspear and White Knife you can make transit a lot quicker for merchants, even more so if you also dig a canal between Blazewater Bay and Ironman's Bay, so they can hug the coast and get to Seagard. (Would also require an upgrade of Flint's Finger.)
You'd need those rivergates (watergates?) mentioned in "Northern Winds" by "Sage1988" to help curb any Ironborn raids, but it would put pressure on the Frey's and their high tolls, which also jacks up the prices of food.
Because outside of making a deal with the Tully's to support the building of a bridge at, I think it was, Harroway town, there's no other real way to pressure them to lower their prices.
- Upgrades 2
Another project that Harry might want to consider is building a city on... not sure if the area is part of the Rills or the Stony Shore, but the western most river ending into Blazewater Bay, deepen those rivers and make interconnecting canals to the rivers leading to Torrhen's Square and Barrowton and you have another minor trading hub. Again, would need rivergates.
But might make a good holding for Bran. (Zhentil Keep or Yartar have designs that might be useful.)
And if Harry wants one for Rickon, and rebuilding the western Stark fleet. Than a city and shipyard at Sea Dragon point might be another option. (Another area which might allow for rice paddies.) Depending on the size of the hills, he could take inspiration from Krak des Chevaliers.
As that would be a hard nut for the Ironborn to crack.
- Back sheathe
Don't listen to the complaints about that.
"Shadiversity" over on YouTube has done videos on it. Initially thought it stupid, but came to the conclusion that yes, it is possible and isn't too unwieldy. Just requires the right type of sheathe setup, as the regular ones are far from optimal.
- Dual wielding
As for the arming sword, short sword combo. Again, feasible, depending upon the size of the short sword.
No different from using a main gauche with a Schiavona.
So again a complaint without merit in my eyes.