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6/18 c20 Sir Lone
An interesting start. I often liked the idea that Jaune’s father or both parents were clued in on how Ozpin uses people (not to this extent but enough to keep their kids away). He semblance is pretty busted, decaying anything he touches and he can extend it to weapons or ammo.

I did find fenrir’s semblance to be OP and also the character to be sadly short lived but I guess it works for other characters stories. I know you said you thought it wasn’t OP, but in a world where the top fighters survive hits via a shield, a power that bypasses it and makes people a one hit kill is rather OP. (I mean the guy took out a professional in one go)

If I critique a part of this it would be aura, it feels almost non existent. Like one moment it’s protecting people, the next everyone is dropping in one hit. Perhaps you are just having aura not be so full proof of a shield but it’s gotta keep being a certain way.

Also convergence of time was an issue. I had no idea how old anyone was or time that past. All I know is at 12 he started this story and finished at 17 before canon start. No idea when most interactions or events happened between that.
6/18 c17 Sir Lone
Alexander seems a little broken in power
6/17 c15 Sir Lone
As a counter to the Ren semblance point, I don’t think it “evolved” due to Jaune. That was purely out of plot convenience
6/17 c12 Sir Lone
Hmm, I wonder if you are having maidens work differently since vernal was not the maiden and it went to who they thought of last so an assassination would not do it
6/14 c8 Sir Lone
Now THIS is a good Ironwood.
I always liked him as the most realist person in a group. Sure paranoid, but justified paranoia. I wish he said something like this in show before they butchered his character, pointing out how doing whatever you want cus it’s right while not even thinking on reactions or what happens after.
4/24 c20 guestinator
Ending with him pretty much forgiving or at least moving on from years of abuse from his dad? Uhuh yeah sure you betcha.

Weak ass shit there.
4/24 c19 guestinator
One way or another he ends up in Beacon still for canon eh? Booo, negative one thousand creativity points.
3/25 c1 Guest
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3/23 c20 11chm01
sorry do you mean a beret or a barret? because one is a type of hat and the other is an anti personel sniper rifle
2/28 c20 jarwilorl
Will there be a sequel?
2/28 c20 EclipseShard
Amazing story, very much looking forward towards the sequel! One minor thing: in the 4th to last paragraph you refer to Neo as the "current Fall Maiden" and unless i completely missed something somewhere, isn't she supposed to be the current Spring Maiden, with Amber/Cinder (depending on the timeline) being the Fall Maiden?
2/28 c20 Rakkis3059
Well this is setting things up beautifully for the Beacon story.
2/28 c20 BradyBDaBeast
okay so I ain't trying to rush you or nothing I'm just asking the question cuz I've enjoyed majority of every story I've read from the item I don't think I've read one that I didn't like but don't quote me on that anyway is multaq the last chapter you going to start the new story or is there still more to this story either way kudos a great story bro
2/28 c20 jugar38
Loved it! Super excited for a personal favor to come out so I can start reading it too.
2/27 c20 Electroswig
Please tell me there is gonna be a sequel, that shit would be awesome! especially since it feels like Jaune could become a sort of Clone Commando/Combat Medic type of fighter!
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