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for Vengeance

8/21/2022 c1 21evolution-500
Good start, although there are some grammatical mistakes here and there. I think some of the sentences could be simplified more by having them kept shorter, as there are some run-on sentences in places; anything over 50 words is considered a run-on sentence. There are also some abrupt shifts in perspective as well; part of this is written in first-person, but then later it starts to shift to third. There are also some awkward parts as well such as "beloveds", "storms of winds", etc. My advice when writing is to read what you have aloud in order to determine how a sentence flows together.
Overall, it's a good start, and definitely has potential; it just needs to be cleaned up in certain parts.

I hope this helps.
7/24/2021 c1 mineturtle965
Great story

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