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for The Rise and Fall of Rio Durant Part 1: The Hunt for Scarlet Thranta

5/19 c1 2YoungW
Enjoyable idea for a new fic, imagining the life of a minor new D-canon character! Good job with the five chapters I've read so far, introducing us to this cast of characters & their task. I liked the in medias res way of being dropped into the middle of Rio's latest election-monitoring job, as you fed us the backstory & situation-building in gentle ways (the phone call with the exhausted khedive who's lost the election is a nice touch). You've got a knack for rendering military or quasi-military squads, their skills, flaws, dialogue and relationships, which I noted in your 'Edge of Doom' fic as well. Keep up the good work & I can't wait for more chapters of this too. Where do you find the time to write all this cool stuff, Golm?! :)
5/14 c1 1figbassist75
Rio is a very interesting character. I can see this individual as if they were on screen in a series like Clone Wars or The Bad Batch. The interactions with Rio's comrades are believable in that we get a sense that they had been working together for quite some time. And we can tell that Rio is a bit of a rebel and a risk taker. He’s a brash type of character that makes tales like this interesting.

A couple of items of SPAG:

-The line where there is description of Demi Meratos that reads, “She human with dark skin” should read as “She is a human with dark skin”.

-There are a couple of instances where a character is said to mutter something under their breath and those words are in italics. Only inner monologue should be in italics. Mutters or whispers should be between quotation marks.

Other than that, I encourage you to keep up the fantastic work! You are a very good writer and I hope you continue this tale in future installments!

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