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for Mayhem After the World Quidditch Match

6/21 c1 SomeGuyFawkes
›› Please comment.
The opening quidditch scene was good enough but this storylet completely tanked after that.
The flashback was completely non-sequitur (and flashbacks are never a good idea for an inexpert writer anyway).
Excessive passive voice: For example, in less than 1800 words of actual story "had" appears 18 times and "was" clocks in at 26 uses. If you want to improve your writing, get that down to 1 and 5, respectively.

There are other big annoyances here but I'm out of pixels for this.
6/20 c1 BadAZKenB
Nice one-shot
6/19 c1 Fallow57
Kudos : )
6/10 c1 Kyr
Nice one shot. Thank you for sharing.
5/8 c1 Ice Demon Ranger
I will make a marvelous part of a story.

Thanks for sharing.
5/5 c1 dragon606
I like this. Neat idea having Harry be able to summon the rest of the Hallows. Definitely worth sharing and hopefully expanded sometime.
V
5/5 c1 Cateagle
*whistles* Oh, that's going to cause some major disruptions and I can see Dumbledore having a major disorder of the lower conscience as he finds out that Harry took care of the prophecy without dying and most thoroughly removed Tom Riddle from the realm of the living.
5/5 c1 21katmom
Interesting.
5/5 c1 hsm1974
May I just say, Dang, Harry doesn't mess around. Dumbles is going to have a real problem keeping any kind of control now, since he no longer has the elder wand. Good job.
5/5 c1 8LWJ2
I liked it, two thumbs up. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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