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for Issei and the Paranormal (一誠と超常現象) REWRITTEN

6/16/2021 c1 2Fastflash97
Just another person who saw this from your reddit post. Not off to a bad start, but I'll give a proper review once another chapter or 2 is released since I really don't think it's fair to review something based off 1 chapter so far.
5/29/2021 c1 35loki-laufeyson-of-asgard
Hi, friend. I found your fic through your Reddit post and thought I'd give it a read and some helpful criticism.

You might find a beta reader helpful. You have a tendency to switch between tenses mid-paragraph; i.e., saying "blood and guts splatter everywhere" after "the snare looked back at him"; the first should be 'splattered'. You also have some incorrect or awkward word uses; 'disbursed' should be 'burst', and "Issei retorted with an unhinged look" doesn't really make sense. 'Retort' means to counter someone's statement in a disagreement, but Issei didn't say anything then. 'Unhinged' isn't necessarily incorrect in that sentence, but it's awkward. I think 'confused' would work better there. Those are just a few examples.

Overall, your writing style is not necessarily bad, but it is inexperienced. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone starts off inexperienced, and if you don't continue writing and improving your style and your sentence structure, you won't ever grow as a writer. Your biggest issues are clumsy sentence structure and awkward or incorrect wording. I don't know anything about this fandom so I can't say anything to your characterization or worldbuilding. I think it has promise, and I think you should continue writing. But pay attention to your word choices. Read some fics you actually enjoy, and notice how those authors construct their sentences. Try to focus on that when you're writing; try to imagine how your favorite author would word a sentence, and then emulate that. Focus on how much you can convey re: emotions, scene descriptions, etc., without over- or under-elaborating. Please feel free to DM me if you like.
5/29/2021 c1 2kohaiame
I'm unfamiliar with this fandom, but this is pretty interesting. I like your story and writing so far. I might check out the source material later. Sorry for the bland comment, maybe later if I feel up to it, and aren't too busy I could try checking out your original as well, and try giving you a better review? I can't guarantee that I will though...sorry. Even though I was unfamiliar with the source material, and characters I want you to know that I still enjoyed it. Thanks for the nice read, please keep up the good work!
5/25/2021 c1 Ghoulishboy
this is awesome its got that Jujutsu kaisen vibe aboit it
5/25/2021 c1 Dragon Of Domination
Bland! Too Bland I have read a lots fanfic that has almost the same style as yours I'm not trying to say that he copying other writers but if you want to became a Good Fanfic Writer then try to get some Ideas in some Golden Fanfic like. THE GRIM HERALD. DELIQUENT DRAGON EMPEROR. THE DRAGON AND THE HUNTRESS. THE HEROIC CALAMITY.
5/23/2021 c1 Swiftwolfbeta
Good so far but still runs into the stanard fanfiction trope of asia being kidnapped an maybe being turned into a devil
5/21/2021 c1 5Pyromania101
Hmm, not a bad start. I think you could use a beta reader, though. Since this story just started, I don't have much to say about it, though I'll tip my hat to you for going for the "hit the ground running" approach, more or less.
5/21/2021 c1 2merendinoemiliano
Much better introspection and description
5/21/2021 c1 3TetraManiac
Say a review about this and it made me generally concerned.

I'm confirming it: Asia will or will never get raped.
5/21/2021 c1 4Shiwftie
I feel like rewritten version lacks something, like original had a mystery of its own, was progressing in an explainable pace and all in all, the original was more promising tbh. Still, I'll be following this one, good luck to ya boi.
5/20/2021 c1 MidnightAmbush
The description worries me, is Asia going to get raped or something? I haven't read this yet, if it's not too much to ask, can you tell me if this will have rape?

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