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for I Have No Sympathy For Either of You

4/24/2022 c1 scout360pyro
Now, I don't think Third fang has the sun up his ass shining down on us (I remember darn well his earliest writing) So let's get that out of the way.

But this has to be the weirdest thing I have seen in fanfiction. People getting mad that a writer is writing fucked up characters in a fucked up world, and writing revenge fanfics... Not to mention some of the reviews are even weirder...
People mad that a characters backstory is why they are acting the way they are?

Heck of a way to vent, but it's more constructive than most.

I suppose what makes the least sense to me are these odd expectations of rationality and morals you and some of the reviewers have for inhuman characters, one of which was heavily traumatized by an eldritch god...
A heavy underlying theme you see imposed in Third fangs custom multiverse is the abandonment of reason and morality expressed by his high tier OCs as a necessary thing to mentally withstand the horrors of infinite possibilities. And that insanity filters down to those touched by said eldritch beings and dimensional hoppers.

Meanwhile you have the whole fallen angel thing and that whole set of inhuman concepts... I ain't gonna touch his reasoning there but you guys seem way too eager to treat every being as if they are humans with the same culture, while the author often thrives on making that sort of perspective crash and burn.
Weird shit.

You do you I suppose. But I am seeing such an odd idealogical clash going on here I decided to write something.

On the writing side of things you clearly put way too much anger and frustration in your writing. Despite your attempts to justify it with Fahad's Shirou's context (which is adequate) you don't do nearly enough to flesh it out, and it comes off as quite shallow and rushed. Hell it's almost like, as a writing process, you just grabbed the nearest badass to shove in and do what you wanted, and then rushed to justify it later.

Feels like a major disservice to Fahad's Emiya to do that. You have all you need to work it into something deeper... But hey; this is clearly a venting fic more than anything else. I just wanted to give some actual writing critique.

I also don't think you did so well with Emiyas voice in this. He comes across far too strongly as YOU speaking, not him speaking. It works fine for a lot of things, but clashes with what you got going here.

Huh...this is probably the first time I have ever cared about what other reviewers are saying as well. I never check the reviews despite having been here for more than a decade.

Anyways, I think you got a very interesting concept here, but I also feel that your reasons for writing this are hampering your actual ability to do it justice, and I am saddened by that.
It's been a year since you started this so I doubt it matters much.
3/15/2022 c3 26Bigby the Big Bad Wolf
You really went all out with creating all that food in the story. Just abilities are typical for Shirou Emiya but it made me hungry just reading.

Sona's reaction to seeing Ophis was one of the best parts in this chapter. Seeing her go hysterical about Ophis casually being there and trying to make sense of it. I always enjoy scenes like that.

And was that little Kanna from Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid? Ahhh. Been a while since I saw that series, I know a lot has happened in it recently.

Regarding your author's note about the author's attempts to sweep Jasmine's bad behavior under the rug, it reminds me of this story I read a while back. A (now deleted) crossover between Ben 10 and Riverdale. Pre-Alien Force Ben goes to school and is constantly picked on. Yet when he finally snaps and stands up for himself HE'S portrayed in the wrong. The biggest offender is this girl who keep harassing Ben for being "weak". The author suddenly does this ass-pull where she had seen her brother get murdered and that fuels her bullying...and then narrative shames an ignorant Ben both for not knowing this which I can sort of undestand but it still shames him just for standing up for himself. I think the writer took the story down because too many complained about Ben being a doormat.

Honestly, even if characters do have a good reason for their actions, I believe they should still be held accountable. I said before that when authors use EXCUSES for their characters' behaviors and expect the readers to be cool with it. I feel this is really prominent with comic book writers, especially ones that are trying to sell us their characters. Some will commit truly awful actions and then, like you said, the authors will commit half-assed attempts to sweep it under the rug.

Sadly, as long as the writers themselves don't think they've done any wrong, they'll continue to write like there was a way to really get through to them.
3/13/2022 c2 Bigby the Big Bad Wolf
Another thing I despise is not only when the author enables their characters' shitty behavior, but have other characters in the story enable it too. It's even worse than when characters outright don't seem to know these bad traits exist. It's ridiculous.

On the one hand, it's good to see that apparently Shirou's lessons are getting through to Issei and Jasmine. On the other hand, it feels a little too easy.

However, I will be straight here. I am a guy who feels the need to drive the point home like a piledriver. Sometimes i want to see the characters I despise be beaten black and blue, slowly recover, and then come to realize what they did was wrong. Mostly because said characters were so vile that I was more fixated with punishing them and breaking them than calling them out. So naturally some personal bias is involved with my reasoning. Maybe it comes from too many stories where characters got off easy, or scott free, and that collective anger makes me want to take it out on any individual character.

Why does this bother me so? Well, I get very immersed into a story, as if what I'm reading is actually happening and the characters are real, even when I obviously know they aren't. That helps fuel my desire to have my own characters jump into a story and change things. I hate when real life people get off scott free and seeing it in fiction doesn't make it any better.

But, all the same at least it seems like it's a step in the right direction. We'll see if Iseei and Jasmine can truly learn to be better people.
3/12/2022 c1 Bigby the Big Bad Wolf
There are many things that I hate when it comes to character writing.

One of the biggest is when the author uses his character's backstory as an EXCUSE for their behavior.

I see it many times, while mostly prominent on fanfiction, I have also seen it with some official stories. Bad thing happens to a character and that makes them thing they can do whatever they want, then play the victim card whenever somebody calls them out. Issie and Jasmine are truly entitled little shits who think the world owes them everything as if they are the ONLY ones suffering.

For example, one fic I read involved a character accidentally being taken from his home to a magic world with no way to get him back. He acts like a jerk and while somewhat understandable, he still acts like a jerk to others and believes being taken from his family and homes means NOTHING is wrong with his behavior. I get it, you're upset, you want to go home, but eventually your reasoning wears itself out, especially when the inhabitants of the magical world are genuinely trying to help you.

Why is this a common recurrence in fanfiction? How can so many people look at this plot element and think it's a good thing? It's not. It's bad writing and, like I said, makes your character look more like a piece of shit instead of somebody to feel sorry for.

I'll admit, I too have been tempted with writing fanfiction where MY characters enter someone else's work and beat up all the unlikeable characters while calling out their bullshit. Course I knew it would blow up in my face spectacularly because I would no doubt get carried away.

Now Shirou's lectures towards them ALMOST come off as preachy but they didn't disolve into paragraph long scoldings. Besides, they were things that definitely needed to be said about characters' behavior. Also, Shirou does NOT come off as holier than thou which definitely helps. Honestly, someone DID need to knock some sense and it wouldn't be anybody from the source material.

Now some people could argue that when characters act a certain way, they weren't in a rationale state of mind, like when Jasmine attacked Sona for asking an uncomfortable question albeit out of ignorance. However, Jasmine apparently was un-remorseful about attacking her and shows that entitlement, not even acknowledging that Sona couldn't have known..

Issei and Jasmine really think they can do whatever they want and that their bad experiences are somehow worse than everyone else's.

I really think his story is so popular because it's a change of pace from the usual DxD stories rather than any type of quality to the writing. Sometimes people will lap up something just because it's new, not because it's good.

Plus, no writer is perfect and they should nut up and admit when their writing is bad. It's an issue with real life authors and other artists. They want to believe there's no such thing as bad art, just bad reviewers. Objectivism is real, people. Hate to burst your little delusions.

Don't think I exempt myself from this too. I've looked back at my own work and know where I screwed up. Hell, I still make screw ups. But I'd rather have what's wrong with my story pointed out to me because I know I can do better and I want to genuinely improve my abilities.

Sorry for the little tangent near the end, got caught up in the moment. See what I mean about getting carried away?

If all this baggage was in chapter 1, I can't even imagine what's in the other two chapters.
2/13/2022 c3 SYBIAN SADDLE
Though there’s a 'Broken Base' on whether this is either a pleasant 'Fix Fic' or an obnoxious 'Hate Fic' (reviews are rarely in-between)… it still feels rather triumphant for the satisfaction of calling out Issei and Jasmine on their bullshit (and getting it labeled under 'Catharsis Factor'). That said… I always wondered if you ever had anything to say about The Crimson Lord’s "A Demon Among Devils" (id: 10225608). The only (noticeable) flaw mentioned is the one below, listed under the 'YMMV' page.

THEY WASTED A PERFECTLY GOOD PLOT:
After spending a training arc with Rias' peerage preparing them for the Rating game, the setup is wasted when Minato temporarily joins Rias' peerage and sucked any suspense from the story leaving it very obvious who would win. The reason he joined, being Issei losing the use of Boosted Gear in a 'Contrived Coincidence' that was never brought up again, makes it worse.
1/9/2022 c3 Pony Boy
Shirou with Little Sister Kanna FTW! And having him charm little Ophis was nice, too. Speaking of her, I hope you'll change that meeting with her around a bit. I don't think there's any real need to lie to her. Just have him say he's here to straighten Issei out, but promises he's not going to seriously hurt him. She could still demand that Issei upgrade the quality of his cooking without a lie being told to her. I do wish we got one more conversation between Shirou, Issei, and Jasmine before he went home, but again, you edit this thing every now and then, so maybe something will happen.

Bye!
1/9/2022 c2 Pony Boy
This was a bit more refreshing, though I wish you'd extended the dinner conversation a bit more. Then again, you do seem to make changes to this story every now and then, so maybe you'll add more content in the future? Also, I finally realize where you got that "harpy" nickname: it's based off Gabriel blessing's "The Hill of Swords", in which Shirou called Louise's sister, Eleanor, by that nickname. Nice touch, there. Also, I think Shirou should NOT have compensated Issei for that damaged phone, but that's just me. Not as long as my last review, but not as much to say, I guess. Onward to the finale.
1/9/2022 c1 Pony Boy
Having read ADLH, Shirou in that story CAN be a hypocrite, as that previous guest points out, but I can... tolerate it to an extent because he is oftentimes forced into it (such as being ORDERED to keep secrets from Sona by Serafall), and he is trying to keep others from repeating his mistakes-AKA "Hypocrite Has a Point". I do, also like that other guest, wish that canon!Issei had been the one to put Jasmine and GAIWP!Issei in their place, but given my distaste for him, I'm kind of glad it was someone else. Regarding ADLH, the author does indeed seem to dislike the DxD canon, but he does bring up some good points in his criticism: Rias IS selfish, the common plot of making a total badass lose to Raynare and become a pawn is stupid, and the idea that Devils are lazy and don't train is ridiculous. If anything, in his criticism, he tries to make the characters BETTER. What's wrong with having Rias and Sona decide to push themselves on their own? Shirou couldn't just offer to train Sona because she would have refused out of pride; making her ask him to do it was the only way.

But I'm getting a bit off-topic, back to this story. It's okay. I am glad that Jasmine got called out on her crap, even if the guy who did it isn't perfect-then again, he doesn't pretend to be. In fact, come to think of it, his umbrage with "Revege By Proxy" IS a character trait from ADLH, such as getting pissed after reading the files of Rias's peerage, but rightly refusing to blame HER for it. So how exactly is he a hypocrite here? Damn, off-topic again. Bottom line: this was okay. Now let's see how the next chapter holds up.
1/7/2022 c3 Guest
I find it funny when you claim that Issei and that OC are unlikeable when ADLH Shirou is also a massive hypocrite who is treated like the best thing ever and everything he does is completely right since the author has a huge hateboner for the DxD characters and constantly voices his opinions through multiple characters to make Shirou right, can pass his judgement on Issei in another fic.
It's disgusting that you can even write it but hey, if you can write this fic to make yourself feel good about 'criticizing another character' then I have the right to wait for the day someone writes a canon Issei shitting on his piece of shit of a sister and the walking snowflake 'holier than thou' Shirou.
12/27/2021 c3 29Apex85
Read the whole thing in one sitting and regret not finding it sooner. You addressed every problem I had with the fic that made me drop it and fixed it in satisfying ways, especially seeing the harpy get smacked.

Thank you for this and Happy Holidays.
11/8/2021 c3 M'seur Mustache
This was decent. Read through the reviews, and the negative ones tend to be the whinings of fanboys who think a sob story justifies something, or act all sanctimonious, like that Red guy. Meh, nobody bats a thousand; most don't even make it half that far. Still, it was quite brave of you to do what you did. Since the original story is probably not gonna be finished for another 20 years or so, I very much doubt you'll be cringing over this in about a year. I also noticed that you occasionally make changes, and that's good: you notice something, and then you fix it. Quite a few folks on this site either refuse to fix mistakes, or try to pretend they aren't mistakes; and the biggest mistake of the original story is that Issei and his precious bitch just kept getting away with their shit. It's not funny, nor does it make them sympathetic. They need a belt stroke across their asses, and it's satisfying that you gave them that. Kudos.
9/15/2021 c1 Furri Curri
This was decent. Not great, but decent. Personally, I'd have handled giving Issei and Jasmine what they deserve a different way, namely by having the ORC and Student Council abandon Issei to his well-deserved fate after that confrontation inside his head once it became clear that not even SAVING HIS LIFE would convince him to tell them something. A common criticism of GAIWP is that Sona and Akeno are portrayed as OOC just to make Issei and his bitch look good. Those people are being too generous: the entire ORC and Student Council are being OOC, in that they would NEVER allow themselves to be treated like this, least of all by a pair of self-pitying babies. They would have walked away by now.

So here's what I'd do:

Rias gets fed up and leaves Issei to his well-deserved fate when he still acts like an asshole to her following the mental fight with the illusion, and orders her Peerage to do the same; Sona and her Peerage follow suit. Startled, but not willing to admit that he's wrong, Issei sends first Vali, then Jasmine, and finally his mother to try and persuade (read:bully) them into returning. All these attempts fail, with none of them being able to provide assurance that Issei will cease with his unnecessary secrecy and sense of entitlement, with Asami being castigated for her inept parenting, as well. Serafall and Sirzechs try to persuade their sisters to give Issei another chance, but they are given the riot act for not preparing Rias and Sona for dealing with Issei; and for keeping them in the dark unnecessarily, too. Finally swallowing his pride, Issei goes to the ORC meeting room, but Rias makes it clear that he has made his bed and must now lie in it, and has Koneko chuck the sofa he's lying on out the window.

Sometime later, Rias, having successfully fought off Riser's attempt to marry her, is at a Devil's gathering and stumbles upon Issei with Carnelian. The latter cheerfully introduces him as her "husband", then goes off to get a drink, leaving them alone briefly. Issei bitterly remarks that his mother, Vali, and Jasmine are dead while Asia is back with the church, and he tries to blame Rias for it, but she's having none of it: Issei has no one to blame for his current situation but himself. He didn't WANT to get better, so this is what he earned. She then turns and walks away, leaving him to ponder her words.

Grim, I know, but this Issei is so disgusting he doesn't deserve a happy ending. Neither does Jasmine. I hope maybe you'll write something like this someday.

Well, I gotta get dinner ready. Thanks for this little story. It sure made me feel better after enduring Third Fang's obnoxious narcissism. Ta!
9/16/2021 c3 UltraFlanker
Honestly, I'm split on this fic. To begin, I liked Issei and Jasmine getting their shit called out on, but I hate everything else, with you shoving in Shirou Emiya from a different fanfic and how he deals with Issei and Jasmine. I have never read A Demon Lord's Hero, so I don't know anything about this Shirou. This can set back potential readers of this fic, since they would have to, or already have read GAIWP to understand why this fic was created, they would also have to have read ADLH to understand who the fuck is this Shirou.
Next is how he deals with Issei and Jasmine. I do enjoy combat pragmatists, but Shirou basically had to use and threaten violence in order to call out these two on their behavior. While the fic ends with Issei and Jasmine seemingly being a bit nicer, the cynical side of me wonders if they simply reverted or doubled down on their shitty behavior after Shirou left. Issei and Jasmine may be deplorable individuals, but attempting to change someone's mind through threats and violence should be the last and the worst option anyone can take, especially if they are mentally disturbed since there might be a chance they would feel anger and lash out even more.
I believe this fic could have worked better if you had the ORC and the Student council work with Issei's mom, Raynare, and Vali in order to call him and Jasmine out on their shitty behavior. While you have responded on an earlier guest review on how simply having one of the characters attempting to call them out via words could fail, I'd argue this method could work better since they have Issei's mom to keep him and Jasmine in line from lashing out.

Honestly I liked GAIWP during the first few chapters, after a while, I decided to check back and was pretty shocked at how it has fallen, with Issei being an insufferable dickhead, Jasmine's shitty reasons for being a pornstar, nobody ever telling the devils anything, and the Bael girl managing to have a keikaku that would make Aizen, Lelouch, the Joker, and Light Yagami hang their heads in shame for how she's still alive
9/10/2021 c1 1Red the Kid
This...this is just bad. Let's point out the most glaring element of this entire "critique". You are using Shirou Emiya, a inherently mentally and emotionally unstable and broken character (I am aware of and also a fan of the" Demon Lord's Hero" version of the character) to act as the Judge for a pair of characters who in their own fanfic are both broken in their own right? Even in "A Demon Lord's Hero" Shirou has some glaring faults that could be viewed as problematic as any of Jasmine or Issei's. That what we call an unreliable witness. The Shirou that you use is not emotionally mature enough to pass ANY kind of judgement. Especially considering he seems to lash out violently in this story.

Another glaring issue is that you are making judgments without having the full context behind their behavior. Does this excuse everything they have said and done in the story? Absolutely not, but that's the thing about people: they are imperfect. I do not believe at any point Third Fang mentioned he was trying to make sympathetic characters for GAIWP, most of these characters have their faults laid bare for the readers to see for good or ill.

But the biggest issue is you, the writer. The fact that you are criticizing Third Fang's story and characters isn't the issue, no it's the method and apparent intent behind the method is where I have the most issue with. You literally put in the Author's Note of the 1st Chapter.."and if you ARE Third Fang, you brought this on yourself". Who honestly reads that and thinks the content that follows will be in any way constructive, good intentioned or even well thought out? You decided to take one author's interpretation and remake of an established character just to use it as both a device and excuse to ridicule another author's work that you do not like, and for what? You in essence created something that gives off the same energy that you claim to not like about two characters from a fanfic.
8/2/2021 c2 28EternalKing
Honestly, this was fucking hilarious. Third Fang’s story imo is not anywhere as good as some people say, as despite the actual writing quality in structure being not bad, the actual shown interactions and, as mentioned, babying and spoiled protagonists make it completely unlikable overall. Rather than the actual main protagonists, they’re more like the side characters who need to get hit by the real protagonists talk no jutsu and get over their shit. Actually, that comparison works even better since they’re like Sasuke as his worst before talking to the Hokage, where he just wanted to destroy things because he thought they deserved it.

Some people would bring up bashing and how it brings down the story, to an extent I would agree, but in this case it feels less like a case of bashing and more, well, the natural result of someone witnessing a pair of dicks purposely knocking around those weaker than them. Besides, if this is bashing, then Third Fang is way worse in how he wrote the others characters. Even you treated the dickheads better than how he treated the innocent devils.
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