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for The Rise of the Last Potter

7/29/2021 c15 AJGuardian
Poor old dog.
Dumbledore is a lying cunt.
7/29/2021 c15 Grandmaster
Good chapter. Harry's patronus showed that he was a true Potter. That is a good connection. If possible put something more about potter family like how it is connected to peverell.
The meeting fudge part was good. The meeting McGonagall part, I felt was unnecessary. But it's not a problem as it is your fic.
7/29/2021 c14 1chaoswizard
Keep it coming please it is good
7/29/2021 c15 OmniViceUser
So, i have now read this Story for the past few Days
continualy, and i would like to speak some Criticism.

Firstly, the Way you build your Sentences could do with
some improvement. You tend to cut your Sentences
of early with a Sentence Point, instead of using the comma
and connection Words like "or" , "but" , "and" , "like" , or "as well".
Because of this, your Readers can have a harder Time getting
into the natural flow of the Story.

My second Point are your Explainations, which are somewhat
compact, meaning as your Readers, we have to memorize a lot in one
go, with little Room in your Sentences to allow for processing the Info
we were just given.

I want to say that i like this Story, but i think you can do even better
7/29/2021 c15 GreengrassRebel
This is going in quite interesting directions, unexpected is the best feeling when you have read 500 fics, and this definetly is.
7/29/2021 c15 Joanne Rowling
Good story. I am enjoying it. I say Snape should be like my canon. I am interested to see how this story turns out. Thank you for justifying the traps in the first year. It is something I had not explained nor expected. Explaining about Merlin's role in the Wizarding world was a genius. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more.
7/29/2021 c15 The Hallowed Man
Susan's hair should be red!
Let's be realistic, Fleur has silver colored hairs and Daphne has honey blonde.
He should have variety!

(Only jokingKshv
7/28/2021 c14 YP
Awesome going so far. Keep it up. The story is extremely good. I enjoyed.
7/28/2021 c14 blackice552
Enjoying so far. excited to read more
7/28/2021 c14 4Chaos65
I'm usually not the one to go hard on beginner writers as I was one in the past, but really this is kinda painful to read, especially the beginning.

Everyone needs to start somewhere and so I won't say any more bad things about this fic and just leave you with a few tips. If you take them to heart or ignore them, that depends only on you.

So yeah, as the first thing, I would say get a good beta reader or just some tools that will check your spelling, grammar, etc. There are some mistakes here and there that can be easily fixed.

Cliches... I get that you want to use some of them, but please at least try to be somewhat original with them.

Personalities of characters and how they act. This point is mostly about the 2nd chapter. The casual droppings of Fuck out of nowhere destroyed this chapter completely. Apart from that, you can change characters however you want, just be careful to not make them complete OCs.

Show, not tell. One of the most important rules in writing. Look it up, it really makes stories more enjoyable.

Harems... I'm biased here as I hate harems, but not without a reason. They destroy 90% of stories that have the potential to be good. Especially when you try to put more than 4 people together. Three are hard, but manageable. Four and more? Nope, rarely any writer can write harem that big right.

And that would be all from me. Good luck with your writing and never forget to improve. Mistakes will happen and you just need to push forward and learn from them.
7/28/2021 c14 jb338973
Tbh this story is a troupe filled plagiarised work written by using ideas from different fanfics crushed together in a crude way and its too unoriginal that it’s painful to read. I read through all 14 chapter just now and every last one of them had most of ideas taken from different fanfics, take the example of chapter 14 the papillonis, butterfly shield is from ‘a Cadmean victory’ ,and there is something like that in every chapter.I am okay with author using a bit of troupe and a bit of plot points from different stories but this is just painful. I would advise that you think about what you are writing and try to be a bit original and not just copy stuff to make your story and if you can’t then there is no point in writing anything.
7/28/2021 c14 11thunderofdeath97
poor harry wants to fuck amelia, yet he wont, lol

the consort clause is kind of stupid
7/28/2021 c13 thunderofdeath97
pretty sure susan has red hair

not giving him the peverell lordship really makes no sense, considering he has more claim to it than the black lordship, kind of dumb tbh
7/28/2021 c14 anarion87
nice chapter
7/27/2021 c1 scyfly
this is pretty terrible writing and while it is somewhat soon to say the impression i got so far is that you want an effect but fail to write a cause
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