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for The Rise of the Last Potter

1/17 c52 BMS
By rights, Lucius should be w/o his magic and/or dead as anything helping Voldie is causing harm to Harry and/or his interest.
Why go to all the trouble of having Harry gain control of the Prophet if you're just going to let it do the same crap as canon?
For that matter, Why have Harry win all the accolades in the earlier chapters if you're going to treat him like canon Harry other then being a powerful gifted wizard and NOT USE ANY OF IT AGAINST FUDGE AND VOLDIE?
Keeping Fudge around with as much support and clout as Harry and Dumbledore can bring to bear is simply unnecessary and does nothing except give Voldie freedom to recruit.
1/17 c51 BMS
Why is Harry giving his winnings to the Twins because he heard they wanted to open a shop when he'd already invested and became a partner with a 30% interest in an earlier chapter?
You either need to keep better notes, read previous chapters before writing new ones, or stop copy and pasting canon.
1/17 c50 BMS
sorry for the third negative review. Especially since up to chapter 48 it's an incredible story I've enjoyed very much but frankly, Dumbledore's plan regarding Fudge and even Fudge's refusal to accept the truth given his virtual kow towing and support of Harry to this point feels like little more than poor excuses to stick with canon events.
1/17 c49 BMS
Not bad but honestly I was expecting more from a chapter titled "Battle of Little Hangleton". The first 2/3 or so were just a standard Voldie "I'm so great" speech and even when the fight got going it felt more like a training session until the Inferi were summoned. After that, it was pretty impressive I admit.

If you ever edit this you might want to make the title simply "Little Hangleton"
1/17 c60 ImmortalsDoItForever
LOVE that second Omake. Very funny!
1/17 c48 BMS
Disappointing and Predictable is what this chapter is.
Possibly the most boring 3rd task/graveyard capture I've read.
1/14 c24 BMS
Great!
However, I hope Harry isn't going to turn into a mini-marauder now. Not only is it cliche but this version of Harry is one of the best I've ever read.
1/14 c19 BMS
How about a Sabertooth Panther?

Fine: 1 vote for cat.
1/14 c17 BMS
Dragon
1/13 c76 1Asap9
Just wanna give you a fair warning in case you get in trouble or something, but monetising writing stuff about, say, J.K. Rowlings work could get you in legal trouble. If you’ve already got that figured out, great, just so you know though because Rowling is like, vehemently agaisnt fanfiction (i think)
1/2 c76 DANTE77
Hola. Me gusta esta historia. ¿ Vas a continuarla/terminarla? ¿ Habrá segunda parte?
1/1 c54 Ultach
FYI the Prefects and Head Boy/Girl symbols of office are BADGES, not batches. I refer you to the Chambers 21st Century Dictionary.

Ciao.
1/1 c52 Ultach
Continuity error, old chum!
"The lightning tore through the shield and hit two Death Eaters, one of whom was Walden McNair, killing them both."
Excerpt from the graveyard battle.
So, having been killed in the graveyard, McNair wouldn't exactly be a great envoy to the giants, right?

I suggest that you rewrite the graveyard scene to kill off a different bad guy, perhaps Crabbe or Goyle senior.
Ciao.
1/1 c42 Ultach
Um, slight grammatical whoopsie. In English the common parlance is of a person TAKING an exam, or sometimes of one SITTING an exam. Only the body SETTING the exam may be said to GIVE it.
Ciao.
1/1 c41 Ultach
Um, two faux pas I think I should draw your attention to.
1- A past pupil is an ALUMNUS. Singular. As in one solitary individual. Two or more, i.e. plural quantities of past pupils are ALUMNI. Latin terms with Latin plural or singular endings.
2- WTF is a "Bethoral contract"? From your many repetitions of this weird term you seem to be convinced that it is a real word. Nope! It is not! No, no, no and NO.
From the context you seem to be referencing BETROTHAL contracts. Or of people getting BETROTHED.
Sadly, I must once again recommend Chambers 21st Century or Oxford English Dictionaries.

Aye, the sarky git moans again...
Ciao.
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