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8/2/2021 c2 Max falcon
Muy buen capítulo y deberías hacer sobre juez dredd, halo o warhammer
8/1/2021 c2 Eddgamerkid
Hi there I liked your story but when I noticed the update on it there's no new chapter?
8/1/2021 c2 william bessent
I'd love one where it's in warhammer and jaune is either a space marine or maybe even a primarch? That'd be cool as hell. Much like another multiverse story
8/1/2021 c2 Gonsmoss
There are White A Eee mistakes in you writing
For example:

"D-did we re-really doing that?" Yang gasped in disbelief while her partner covered her mouth with her had her own dilemma as the guilt soon started catching up to her about that those bad things he'd done to him," He may be a dolt but...he didn't deserve that..."
Here you haven't wrote when the text is describing Weiss.

Maybe it should be:

"D-did we re-really doing that?" Yang gasped in disbelief while her partner covered her mouth with her had her own dilemma, WHILE WEISS WAS STARING AT THE SCREEN IN SHOCK as the guilt soon started catching up to her about that those bad things he'd done to him," He may be a dolt but...he didn't deserve that..."

OTHER:
As the guilt and denial within Team RWBY, Nora, and Ren grew, Cinder smiled at herself on the screen. "I still got it" she whispered to herself while Emerald nodded and Emerald gave out a sigh.

It should be:

As the guilt and denial within Team RWBY, Nora, and Ren grew, Cinder smiled at herself on the screen. "I still got it" she whispered to herself while Emerald nodded and MERCURY gave out a sigh.

OTHER:
Meanwhile Ruby and More had stars in there eyes as they watched there crush/fearless leader. 1

It shoulde be:
Meanwhile Ruby and NORA had stars in there eyes as they watched there crush/fearless leader.

OTHER:
Ironwood widened his eyes at the sight. "The boy is experienced,shows an impressive amount of combat ability, can that no fast,has a very special and strong power,and is able to bring down a Dragon Grimm with one to mention the ability to strengthen allies and weaken the enemy?!Winter we need to recruit that boy!"
(I honestly don't know what should be her)

Maybe it should be:

Ironwood widened his eyes at the sight. "The boy is experienced,shows an impressive amount of combat ability, CAN MOVE AT SUCH HIGH SPEED , has a very special and strong power and is able to bring down a Dragon Grimm NOT TO MENTION HIS ability to strengthen allies and weaken the enemy?!Winter we need to recruit that boy!"

I haven't noticed other mistakes. Maybe I had missed something.
But to my personal rant
You're going for a harem, but I do hope that wby will have it hard to get Jaune positive affection.
I hope he will see this viewing and how he was betrayed by his friend.
While Lancaster is my favourite pairing I hope that pyrrha will be first and main waifu. The only one that had deserved his love is definitely pyrrha, also hope that he will at least a little bit more less trusty toward ren and nora.
You can't betray someone like that and expect that they will immediately forgave you.
7/31/2021 c2 Saito
Let them react to samurai arc
7/31/2021 c2 1Ultimate Kuuga
Demon’s Souls, Dark Soul, or Dark Soul 3 please. Great job.
7/31/2021 c2 Guest
Sooo, Weiss blake and yang by not answering when ruby had denided that they would never betray jaune, they and basically admited that they would at least consider it.
*shakes head*
You are going for a harem but I hope those three won't have is so easy compared to ruby and especially pyrrha
Firstly, they need to start acting as his friends.
Yang - drop this stupid nickname
Weiss - being nicer
Blake - start to talk with him
7/31/2021 c2 Guest
Will there be a chapter on white sheep
7/31/2021 c2 Victor
What of their Salem and get cohorts are they not important too. Yeah yeah she is the antagonist but she self need to know if she succeed or not and no sapy redemption let them be their self
7/31/2021 c2 Kitsuna G
Good start I really liked it. If you would please indulge me. At some point could you do a chapter about the anime kaguya Sama love is war with Jaune and Weiss as the two main characters. It's just so funny and these characters match them well. Anyway thanks for the great chapter and stay good
7/31/2021 c2 3WaqueKoala 2.0
A suggestion: Dark Souls II
The prompt:
Before Jaune continues to his path to the Throne of Want, he remembers the Old King Ozpin and his words to him.

The Cast:
Jaune as the Bearer of the Curse
Prof. Ozpin as King Vendrick

P.S.

You can add some stuff too if you want, but if you need Souls lore, my pms are always open.
7/30/2021 c2 6Six02
This is looking good, a few errors here and there but nothing bad. Also as a tip, you may want to cut back on the jealousy bits for the girls, a lot of other fics like to make a main stay of theirs but it gets old really quickly.
7/30/2021 c2 Midnight49
How about writing a story about Jaune dating Ruby, but Ruby isn’t normal she’s actually part Grimm.

Or just writing a chapter from the fan fiction called, My Abominable Monster Classmates Can’t Be This Cute.
7/30/2021 c2 6Dragon Blaze-X
Overall not bad but the fight was a little on the cringe side and a lot of cases where a word is left out of a sentence which hampers the flow. But over not bad
7/30/2021 c2 1v2
OP jaune arc? yes please!

anyway i'm liking what ya have done this chapter, showing a bit of what their jaune can do, and the cast think that jaune's fake transcripts is something in that dimension and not their own that right there is an original idea there,

but this fic does have problems and that is mainly writing, some sentences are missing words, or have words in them that make no sense

but besides that it's still pretty good

now i got a question for ya, are you open to hearing suggestions for what series to use in this fic? and if so should the suggestions be sent by pm or by review?
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