for Iron and blood3/13 c1 Vinay-kox01
Hi there! I recently read your story "Iron and blood" and I loved it! I'm a professional digital artist and I'd love to adapt it into a comic. I think it would be a fantastic fit for my style, and I'm confident I can do it justice.
I'm excited about the possibility of bringing your story to life visually, and I think you'll be really happy with the results. Once it's finished, you might even want to share it with others!
My work is paid, but I guarantee high-quality artwork that captures the essence of your story. If you're interested, we can discuss pricing and other details.
You can find me on:
Discord: graphic_gold
Instagram: vinaykox1
Twitter: VKox139175
Email:
I look forward to hearing from you!
Hi there! I recently read your story "Iron and blood" and I loved it! I'm a professional digital artist and I'd love to adapt it into a comic. I think it would be a fantastic fit for my style, and I'm confident I can do it justice.
I'm excited about the possibility of bringing your story to life visually, and I think you'll be really happy with the results. Once it's finished, you might even want to share it with others!
My work is paid, but I guarantee high-quality artwork that captures the essence of your story. If you're interested, we can discuss pricing and other details.
You can find me on:
Discord: graphic_gold
Instagram: vinaykox1
Twitter: VKox139175
Email:
I look forward to hearing from you!
12/20/2021 c16 Azimut678
Liked this chapter. Can't wait to see what will come next. If you think doing a rewrite, go ahead, the premise for this fic is nice.
Liked this chapter. Can't wait to see what will come next. If you think doing a rewrite, go ahead, the premise for this fic is nice.
8/26/2021 c10 
6Tracitus
The chapter is good, and the pursue fight function as intended. The only thing I didn't like is the faunus last words. Maybe because I have seen them (or a variation of it) too much. Instead of the faunus naturall reacting, it is like he is saying it in such a way to inflict max trauma and remorse to the protagonist. It is sounded too pitifull and helpless and not enough angry insults. Just personal opinion.
However, there is a problem in the chapter. A problem of telling where you should be showing. You just jump 6 months, and without showing anything, you just tell us that Griza has been selected for reasons not shown to the readers. Not via a character that we know we can take at their word (for example Ironwood) but through a new OC. Maybe it is neccesary the timeskip, but even then, the lack of showing any training/missions/combat that proves the excepcional capabilities of Griza just make the achivement of joining the operatives feel bland and unearned. You did show Griza fighting, but it was after she was chosen and she "lost" the fight so it doesn't feel that she is somehow better than past Griza in the exam.
6TracitusThe chapter is good, and the pursue fight function as intended. The only thing I didn't like is the faunus last words. Maybe because I have seen them (or a variation of it) too much. Instead of the faunus naturall reacting, it is like he is saying it in such a way to inflict max trauma and remorse to the protagonist. It is sounded too pitifull and helpless and not enough angry insults. Just personal opinion.
However, there is a problem in the chapter. A problem of telling where you should be showing. You just jump 6 months, and without showing anything, you just tell us that Griza has been selected for reasons not shown to the readers. Not via a character that we know we can take at their word (for example Ironwood) but through a new OC. Maybe it is neccesary the timeskip, but even then, the lack of showing any training/missions/combat that proves the excepcional capabilities of Griza just make the achivement of joining the operatives feel bland and unearned. You did show Griza fighting, but it was after she was chosen and she "lost" the fight so it doesn't feel that she is somehow better than past Griza in the exam.
8/25/2021 c9 Tracitus
Umm, I am always a fan of the "instructor scene" and yours is okay. Better than most fic, where the instructor is just needlessly sadistic to their students, in contrast, you managed to find a nice balance between breaking the students and educating them. I can assume you are into warfare? Hearts of Iron, WWII history, and that stuff?
The changes of scene in the fic can be easily missed by the way.
About OCs, maybe too german, especially the "von". Atlas/Mantle isn't german coded and frankly, they shouldn't, because you want or not a story with a (supposed) military dictatorship (Ironwood V78) that has an oppressed ethnic minority german coded will evoque Hitler and the nazis. Even if you want to take Atlas in a similar direction as Interwar Germany you shouldn't be so on the nose.
About Griza... I am afraid I am as clueless as you. For the moment you didn't do anything too bad or cringe.
Umm, I am always a fan of the "instructor scene" and yours is okay. Better than most fic, where the instructor is just needlessly sadistic to their students, in contrast, you managed to find a nice balance between breaking the students and educating them. I can assume you are into warfare? Hearts of Iron, WWII history, and that stuff?
The changes of scene in the fic can be easily missed by the way.
About OCs, maybe too german, especially the "von". Atlas/Mantle isn't german coded and frankly, they shouldn't, because you want or not a story with a (supposed) military dictatorship (Ironwood V78) that has an oppressed ethnic minority german coded will evoque Hitler and the nazis. Even if you want to take Atlas in a similar direction as Interwar Germany you shouldn't be so on the nose.
About Griza... I am afraid I am as clueless as you. For the moment you didn't do anything too bad or cringe.
8/24/2021 c8 Tracitus
I like this chapter, and sometimes having a "filler" episode is good. I would dispute that this is a filler, to begin with.
While the second half was more or less exposition and world-building, which is necessary and can be very entertaining. I am indifferent to Laura and Fritz, which is concerning as they appear to be major characters but I find them bland. There is more than enough time to develop them, but for the moment, I don't connect with them.
The first, however, is anything but filler. That conversation between the two is the most important ones, more than fights and dreams. The two and their relationship are at the core of the story. So this chapter is not a filler if it is being developed.
I like this chapter, and sometimes having a "filler" episode is good. I would dispute that this is a filler, to begin with.
While the second half was more or less exposition and world-building, which is necessary and can be very entertaining. I am indifferent to Laura and Fritz, which is concerning as they appear to be major characters but I find them bland. There is more than enough time to develop them, but for the moment, I don't connect with them.
The first, however, is anything but filler. That conversation between the two is the most important ones, more than fights and dreams. The two and their relationship are at the core of the story. So this chapter is not a filler if it is being developed.
8/24/2021 c7 Tracitus
I like the first half, the part with Griza remembering who she is especially, and the fight itself was okay. Well, maybe the outburst of James is understandable but it is... strange? I picture him as a Guardsman/Space Marine purging Xenos than a Huntsman. Ironwood isn't a religious type so why he adds "righteous" when he shouts?
The second part tho... I understand what you were trying to do here, with the parallels between Griza and James, and I really like how the two reasons with themselves. The scenes could work. It could but it doesn't. Why?
Because it isn't realistic. Maybe in a less serious fic, it wouldn't be such a problem, but you are attempting to do a realistic fic. I can't imagine why an armed force would use that as any type of test. What is trying to achieve there the military? To cause trauma to the recruits that do it? To make them distrust their superiors? To root psychopaths out of their rank? Why would you want to do that?
The test itself raises so many red flags that I refuse to believe Griza would take the bait if she was in a better mental space. The only explanation a recruit could come up with on why their superiors are making them execute a supposed criminal in such a dubious way is to prove to Atlas that they are willing to kill for the kingdom. Which is something that a cult or Nazi Germany would do and not a modern military, a big red flag.
I like what you were going, however, the execution was bad.
One note on Griza and racism, Griza isn't your typical closet racist that is put on the defensive if question about her racism. She is open, with herself at least, about how much she despised them. So I find it strange that she questions the instructor about "If being a Faunus has anything to do with it?". I assumed she wouldn't be surprised "A crimina
I like the first half, the part with Griza remembering who she is especially, and the fight itself was okay. Well, maybe the outburst of James is understandable but it is... strange? I picture him as a Guardsman/Space Marine purging Xenos than a Huntsman. Ironwood isn't a religious type so why he adds "righteous" when he shouts?
The second part tho... I understand what you were trying to do here, with the parallels between Griza and James, and I really like how the two reasons with themselves. The scenes could work. It could but it doesn't. Why?
Because it isn't realistic. Maybe in a less serious fic, it wouldn't be such a problem, but you are attempting to do a realistic fic. I can't imagine why an armed force would use that as any type of test. What is trying to achieve there the military? To cause trauma to the recruits that do it? To make them distrust their superiors? To root psychopaths out of their rank? Why would you want to do that?
The test itself raises so many red flags that I refuse to believe Griza would take the bait if she was in a better mental space. The only explanation a recruit could come up with on why their superiors are making them execute a supposed criminal in such a dubious way is to prove to Atlas that they are willing to kill for the kingdom. Which is something that a cult or Nazi Germany would do and not a modern military, a big red flag.
I like what you were going, however, the execution was bad.
One note on Griza and racism, Griza isn't your typical closet racist that is put on the defensive if question about her racism. She is open, with herself at least, about how much she despised them. So I find it strange that she questions the instructor about "If being a Faunus has anything to do with it?". I assumed she wouldn't be surprised "A crimina
8/16/2021 c5 Havalt300
I find the story very interesting, keep it up.
I would find it interesting if our MC becomes an airship captain, one of the big ones.
I find the story very interesting, keep it up.
I would find it interesting if our MC becomes an airship captain, one of the big ones.
8/17/2021 c6 Tracitus
I like the short scene about the robotic arm while not that character-driven, is always good when your two main characters interact (I would say that their relationship feels still somewhat dry, but they have a lot of time to develop their friendship/romance.) and you explain aspects of money, economy, and military at the same time.
The exam part was okay I suppose? Like I felt worrisome the lack of planning of Griza. The detail with the grenade was fantastic though.
About the shipping... I don't know, is your fic.
However, this is what I think. The character of Ironwood can't work properly with a prominent romantic partner, or at least in the same way. Which is not a bad thing if you wish to change him, even if is a little bit.
In my mind Ironwood's personality (At the start of canon.) is like this; Empaphetic, he values life. His duty is to defend the people of Atlas/Mantle, and Remnant at large. Ironlike will to achieve do this duty. As the military leader of the largest and best army, arguably the only proper army of all the kingdoms. He sees himself, and the rest of Opzin's inner circle before the Fall of Beacon, like Atlas with all the weight of the world on his shoulders. That causes great stress.
He is a man that has no time for romantic pursues or friendships. Even with Winter, which sees him as a father figure, he never treats her as a daughter, but as a trusted subordinate. That is not to say that Ironwood can't have friends but the reality is that I don't think Ironwood the general would pursue a romantic relationship.
He is still young and only a Specialist so most of what I said is invalid but be aware that, if Griza and him end up together in a serious relationship, Ironwood will be a different man, how different I don't know. For example, he can't be ready to just sacrifice everything (Best fight of V7 Watts v Ironwood by the way.) to stop Salem if he has Griza as his wife and possibly children.
So I wouldn't make Ironwood fall in love with her without some serious thought on what that may change him and the world at large. Personally, I am indifferent, leaning to no. It can be very interesting if you put it well, but I really don't want James to fall in love so easily.
On the other hand, Griza being rejected by Jimmy (In an educated way I expect.) can open some interesting avenues for her character. Maybe dealing with the rejection she ends up drinking with a Faunus or someone and makes a friend outside the Atlas military. Maybe she is conflicted on how much of her life was tied to him... I don't know it is your fic but be careful with what you chose.
I like the short scene about the robotic arm while not that character-driven, is always good when your two main characters interact (I would say that their relationship feels still somewhat dry, but they have a lot of time to develop their friendship/romance.) and you explain aspects of money, economy, and military at the same time.
The exam part was okay I suppose? Like I felt worrisome the lack of planning of Griza. The detail with the grenade was fantastic though.
About the shipping... I don't know, is your fic.
However, this is what I think. The character of Ironwood can't work properly with a prominent romantic partner, or at least in the same way. Which is not a bad thing if you wish to change him, even if is a little bit.
In my mind Ironwood's personality (At the start of canon.) is like this; Empaphetic, he values life. His duty is to defend the people of Atlas/Mantle, and Remnant at large. Ironlike will to achieve do this duty. As the military leader of the largest and best army, arguably the only proper army of all the kingdoms. He sees himself, and the rest of Opzin's inner circle before the Fall of Beacon, like Atlas with all the weight of the world on his shoulders. That causes great stress.
He is a man that has no time for romantic pursues or friendships. Even with Winter, which sees him as a father figure, he never treats her as a daughter, but as a trusted subordinate. That is not to say that Ironwood can't have friends but the reality is that I don't think Ironwood the general would pursue a romantic relationship.
He is still young and only a Specialist so most of what I said is invalid but be aware that, if Griza and him end up together in a serious relationship, Ironwood will be a different man, how different I don't know. For example, he can't be ready to just sacrifice everything (Best fight of V7 Watts v Ironwood by the way.) to stop Salem if he has Griza as his wife and possibly children.
So I wouldn't make Ironwood fall in love with her without some serious thought on what that may change him and the world at large. Personally, I am indifferent, leaning to no. It can be very interesting if you put it well, but I really don't want James to fall in love so easily.
On the other hand, Griza being rejected by Jimmy (In an educated way I expect.) can open some interesting avenues for her character. Maybe dealing with the rejection she ends up drinking with a Faunus or someone and makes a friend outside the Atlas military. Maybe she is conflicted on how much of her life was tied to him... I don't know it is your fic but be careful with what you chose.
8/16/2021 c5 2Kegila
I've modified the spacing for the first three chapters, they should be readable now. I read all of your reviews and answer most of them privately, tell me if I should start writing the answers in the chapters.
2KegilaI've modified the spacing for the first three chapters, they should be readable now. I read all of your reviews and answer most of them privately, tell me if I should start writing the answers in the chapters.
8/16/2021 c5 6Tracitus
Okay, first of all, this chaper's structure is much better than the previous ones. So congratulations. The dream is very short, the chaperts are longer and there aren't wall of texts. (Seriously I recommend to edit the first chapter because many will be turn off by this.)
Second, the characters interactions were okay. I like how Ironwood convince Griza but the interaction between him and his father was a little dry.
Third, the Faunus racism. This will make or break Griza and the fic so tread carefully. While I enjoy and embrace imperfect characters that can grow (Weiss is the best girl and see where she starts regarding the Faunus.) her racism was a little too much and too personal?
6TracitusOkay, first of all, this chaper's structure is much better than the previous ones. So congratulations. The dream is very short, the chaperts are longer and there aren't wall of texts. (Seriously I recommend to edit the first chapter because many will be turn off by this.)
Second, the characters interactions were okay. I like how Ironwood convince Griza but the interaction between him and his father was a little dry.
Third, the Faunus racism. This will make or break Griza and the fic so tread carefully. While I enjoy and embrace imperfect characters that can grow (Weiss is the best girl and see where she starts regarding the Faunus.) her racism was a little too much and too personal?
8/16/2021 c4 Tracitus
Thanks God for the change of semblance! Mettle wasn't even mention in the series proper and it works less as a Semblance and more like a mental disorder, which is... problematic.
One thing, having dreams is okay and you already acknowledge the possibility of being too long. You are right, it is quite long, specially when the chapters are so short. I wouldn't have a dream in every chapter or even one every two or three. Dreams are confusing and dificult of keep track so too many of them could ruin them altoguether.
Thanks God for the change of semblance! Mettle wasn't even mention in the series proper and it works less as a Semblance and more like a mental disorder, which is... problematic.
One thing, having dreams is okay and you already acknowledge the possibility of being too long. You are right, it is quite long, specially when the chapters are so short. I wouldn't have a dream in every chapter or even one every two or three. Dreams are confusing and dificult of keep track so too many of them could ruin them altoguether.