Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for In between light and darkness

11/12 c3 Sylvie Chevasson
C'est très confus, s'il revient en tant que orphelin et n'ayant plus de sang Potter et Evans pourquoi revient il chez les Dursley. Et puis dans un chapitre il a 8 ans et le suivant 6 ans?
11/3 c8 Guest
Why does he keep crying out his spell rather than shouting them out? It's such a weird thing to say.
11/3 c7 Guest
It just feels like you used most of the chapter, and indeed a lot of the previous ones, as a chance for bashing. I know the description said there would be bashing but at least also include other things.
Also, incendio is literally a spellt taught in the first year of Hogwarts, what are you on about 'a borderline dark spell hardly anyone uses'.
"This spell was listed in The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 by Miranda Goshawk.[1] This spell was also taught to students during their first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Charms "
11/5 c8 lightningsnow33
I have never seen an author start a story so well just to drop the ball so hard. You dragged things out WAY too much. It could have been explained after a time skip what harry learned but you spent 2 chapters on shopping and a long unimportant flashback when its been made clear that this harry gave no fucks about anyone anymore because they all betrayed him. Then for no reason whatsoever you start a tournament arc, WHY? You spent too much time on unnecessary things and it took away from your story
11/3 c4 2roon0
He could afford to rescue more elves.
11/3 c2 roon0
Good for Hadrian. :D
11/3 c1 roon0
I am loving the start of this.
10/30 c8 Guest
Please move the story along nothing is happening. Please get to the plot I mean yes the tournament was nice but most of it was just monolog.
10/30 c8 5plums
was hoping for a bit more plot in the post-battle part. An entire chapter (80%) of fighting and not much happening afterwards... kinda felt like the whole tournament was a waste of time with an injury like that happening other than meeting Dora and planting very very minimal future plot seeds there.
10/19 c7 PrinceFroze
So I’m confused is Tonks talking to an 8 Year Old Hadrian ... y hasn’t anyone questioned an 8 year old is taking this tournament ... I suggest u work on names for Ancestors of Slytherin , Ravenclaw & Peverell ... they were not Bland names like Bradley & Emily...Probably should been like Orpheus Slytherin , for example ... Also ur kinda dragging ur heels a bit ... Run Down Hadrian has twin , made few friends , got sorted in Slytherin , father hates him , mother actually cares , was betrayed went to prison , Death makes a deal with him after the world went to shit... Hadrian is blood adopted honestly Hadrian Orpheus Slytherin would have been enough ... u probably didn’t need Ravenclaw or Peverell that is a lot of writing I feel is hindering u ... next hadrian travels back in time for a do over claims his title , gets a castle , familiar ... now educating himself and in a tournament ... first I have to say I like ur attention to detail with Hadrian’s thinking ... however u do need a time skip or make it clear of his Age Perhaps after a meeting with the Greengrass family A Time skip to his First Year ... Also the Blocks their rlly just have them removed in the time skip ... no need for detail on such a minor thing when u already did a chapter on it ... just some thoughts ... I am enjoying it very much hope to see u upload more chapters soon
10/21 c7 7jh831
good chapter.
Though i hope you move the story along soon.
10/18 c2 Reg
About a hundred goblins sat on a [ one] high stool

trains from Surrey do not terminate at Paddington.
10/19 c1 infinitydrivex
why did you feel the need to put the last like 1/5 of the first chapter as a recap at the beginning of this chapter. if they forgot that much information they can just read the chapter over again. because what you did was literally just padding the word count on your chapter. recaps are for short summaries or for the last paragraph or two from the last chapter not an entire scene.
10/19 c1 infinitydrivex
doesn't it feel a little lazy that maybe a harsh word but lazy to want to make him Lord of those three houses but make it to where just oh yeah I'm going to make his new mom that air to all three houses somehow. instead of making it a thing where he's the last surviving member of a main branch of the family through some connection or other. or at least have the father be one of them I don't know it's the same as I don't know.
10/17 c7 rharper909
You doing to much back story let's get the ball rolling it's a great story and chapter. But there's still to much monolouging let's try and get a timeskip to hogwarts or something
57 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service