for A Wicked Game8/17 c27 Yog-sothsoth
Hello there! I see you are yet commit suicide via two bullets in your nape. This is very nice to be aware of.
Though, after a break so long I decided to do a reread. And honestly? I'm almost always left disappointed when I reread something, probably because of the greater scrutiny. First time I read something I usually can forgive a lot of stuff, as long as it's not something I'm vehemently against, like harems, and it's during the reread I actually notice all the details.
Like, there were a fic with a ship I was very excited for, so I enjoyed reading it a lot, but when I decided to reread it I noticed that all the affections were extremly forced and out of nowhere, the interactions are stifled at best between mc and pretty much everyone, but none are worse than him and his supposed love interest. And the plot was basically just a retelling of the original 1 anyway.
And It happens very often to me. Most of the fics I'm subscribed to I find myself unwilling to continue reading. And by most I mean ~ 95% most. I'm just too lazy to unfollow them.
I have gone at a bit of a tangent, so, the point.
I pretty much expected something like this to happen here too. This is a gamer fic. A Self Insert. Mc has a lot of voices in his head. There is an "evil clone" plot, and it's kinda centric. Raven is a tsundere. Yu-Gi-Oh! Is involved to the point of almost being a crack. Marriage contract is a thing. Polygamy is a thing. Omiverse there too.
All of this are shit tropes. For shit fics and crack fics, and the line between being shit and being crack is mass hallucination. And so, imagine my surprise, when it turns out that this actually is a great fic.
Not perfect, of course. The beginning is a bit cumbersome, some moments made me cringe hard (like Sibyl being acknowledged as mc's daughter), there are a lot frankly unnecessary OC's with even more unnecessary ammount of detail (we needed knowledge of, like, 3 "Lords". The descriptions and names of all of them were redundant. Same with Knights) the grammar is imperfect, sometimes continuously (futur, ennemy), but...
It's a first ever fic I liked more after reread.
I have noticed a lot of details and foreshadowing this time around. The character interactions are actually really good, probably my favourite part, the romance especially is just the best, the plot is awesome, well thought out and lacks any major plotholes, the descriptions are good, the fights are well-written, the style is enjoyable, the tension is maintained perfectly, the comedy actually makes me laugh, the only problem with pacing is your writing speed and the wordbuilding takes the scraps RWBY offers and turns them into consistent, living, interesting, believeable World, and it does it, in my subjective opinion, better than anyone else in the fandom. And yes, including Coeur.
You took almost all the trashy tropes and made them good. It's akin to collecting all the coal Salem got for being naughty and compressing it into diamonds with your bare hands. Meaning, very impressive.
It maybe not be the best, the most well-written fic on this site... but, I believe, as of the moment I finished my reread it is my favourite RWBY fic.
You are a Great Author. And I remember you have some severe self-confidence issues. So... you can't really decide if you are a great author or not. This is a privilege of your readers. And I, personally, think you are a Great.
If a slow one. Wink wink.
Also, ugh, I noticed some guy read my previous review and noticed the evil clone plot. And that made him not to read it. So... sorry about that?
Say hi to Ilia!
Hello there! I see you are yet commit suicide via two bullets in your nape. This is very nice to be aware of.
Though, after a break so long I decided to do a reread. And honestly? I'm almost always left disappointed when I reread something, probably because of the greater scrutiny. First time I read something I usually can forgive a lot of stuff, as long as it's not something I'm vehemently against, like harems, and it's during the reread I actually notice all the details.
Like, there were a fic with a ship I was very excited for, so I enjoyed reading it a lot, but when I decided to reread it I noticed that all the affections were extremly forced and out of nowhere, the interactions are stifled at best between mc and pretty much everyone, but none are worse than him and his supposed love interest. And the plot was basically just a retelling of the original 1 anyway.
And It happens very often to me. Most of the fics I'm subscribed to I find myself unwilling to continue reading. And by most I mean ~ 95% most. I'm just too lazy to unfollow them.
I have gone at a bit of a tangent, so, the point.
I pretty much expected something like this to happen here too. This is a gamer fic. A Self Insert. Mc has a lot of voices in his head. There is an "evil clone" plot, and it's kinda centric. Raven is a tsundere. Yu-Gi-Oh! Is involved to the point of almost being a crack. Marriage contract is a thing. Polygamy is a thing. Omiverse there too.
All of this are shit tropes. For shit fics and crack fics, and the line between being shit and being crack is mass hallucination. And so, imagine my surprise, when it turns out that this actually is a great fic.
Not perfect, of course. The beginning is a bit cumbersome, some moments made me cringe hard (like Sibyl being acknowledged as mc's daughter), there are a lot frankly unnecessary OC's with even more unnecessary ammount of detail (we needed knowledge of, like, 3 "Lords". The descriptions and names of all of them were redundant. Same with Knights) the grammar is imperfect, sometimes continuously (futur, ennemy), but...
It's a first ever fic I liked more after reread.
I have noticed a lot of details and foreshadowing this time around. The character interactions are actually really good, probably my favourite part, the romance especially is just the best, the plot is awesome, well thought out and lacks any major plotholes, the descriptions are good, the fights are well-written, the style is enjoyable, the tension is maintained perfectly, the comedy actually makes me laugh, the only problem with pacing is your writing speed and the wordbuilding takes the scraps RWBY offers and turns them into consistent, living, interesting, believeable World, and it does it, in my subjective opinion, better than anyone else in the fandom. And yes, including Coeur.
You took almost all the trashy tropes and made them good. It's akin to collecting all the coal Salem got for being naughty and compressing it into diamonds with your bare hands. Meaning, very impressive.
It maybe not be the best, the most well-written fic on this site... but, I believe, as of the moment I finished my reread it is my favourite RWBY fic.
You are a Great Author. And I remember you have some severe self-confidence issues. So... you can't really decide if you are a great author or not. This is a privilege of your readers. And I, personally, think you are a Great.
If a slow one. Wink wink.
Also, ugh, I noticed some guy read my previous review and noticed the evil clone plot. And that made him not to read it. So... sorry about that?
Say hi to Ilia!
8/14 c19 Refraction25
This chapter brought me great joy. Man knew there were other Gamers working against him, knew the villain was adapting, and then wasted time and refused to truly dedicate effort to levelling. Consequences
This chapter brought me great joy. Man knew there were other Gamers working against him, knew the villain was adapting, and then wasted time and refused to truly dedicate effort to levelling. Consequences
7/25 c27 Singular Ash
I’m genuinely disappointed that they didn’t just rip the soul fragment out after the fight and finish him off. That feels like they were dumbed down just for plot convenience. Even if they didn’t know he would respawn someone should have taken it. Either ozpin or gemini. Anyone.
I’m genuinely disappointed that they didn’t just rip the soul fragment out after the fight and finish him off. That feels like they were dumbed down just for plot convenience. Even if they didn’t know he would respawn someone should have taken it. Either ozpin or gemini. Anyone.
7/25 c1 TITAN URANUS
NGL, checked the comments, saw that there is a clone and quit on the spot.
Good luck.
NGL, checked the comments, saw that there is a clone and quit on the spot.
Good luck.
7/25 c27 vastoisshin
I can see that Augur has taken to the role of villain of this world sentai Rangers he would diffidently be their equivalent of their villain still a fun gimmick.
It has been a while, and I am happy for this story return it is almost unfortunate that Ilia isn't here it must be because she trapped in the of her own mind slowly going mad thinking about her how she has yet to achieve peace. I would feel sorry, but it's how the cookie crumble sometimes with but a whimper in that cold dark void of her existence or she slipped on a banana and bumped her head.
I can see that Augur has taken to the role of villain of this world sentai Rangers he would diffidently be their equivalent of their villain still a fun gimmick.
It has been a while, and I am happy for this story return it is almost unfortunate that Ilia isn't here it must be because she trapped in the of her own mind slowly going mad thinking about her how she has yet to achieve peace. I would feel sorry, but it's how the cookie crumble sometimes with but a whimper in that cold dark void of her existence or she slipped on a banana and bumped her head.
10/25/2023 c19 Stormcrow314
Good job on this story. It's good enough to deserve being reviewed, even if chapter 19 confirmed it's not for me. Your English, grammar, and wording is pretty good, with only a few misused words here and there. It's easier to read than a lot of stories written by native speakers. You do a good job with characters and interactions, as well as writing solid fights. While the story/plot itself is not my favorite, that's more due to personal taste than quality. All in all, it's a higher quality story than the vast majority of what's on this site. I wish you well on your future projects.
Good job on this story. It's good enough to deserve being reviewed, even if chapter 19 confirmed it's not for me. Your English, grammar, and wording is pretty good, with only a few misused words here and there. It's easier to read than a lot of stories written by native speakers. You do a good job with characters and interactions, as well as writing solid fights. While the story/plot itself is not my favorite, that's more due to personal taste than quality. All in all, it's a higher quality story than the vast majority of what's on this site. I wish you well on your future projects.
9/30/2023 c21 
2WPUrchezem23
wtf is this? I think you got bored of writing more mundane chapters and decided to skip ahead, cause this is a freaking status change. unless you're setting this up for a 'Lyoko, return to the past' which would be a cop out.
2WPUrchezem23wtf is this? I think you got bored of writing more mundane chapters and decided to skip ahead, cause this is a freaking status change. unless you're setting this up for a 'Lyoko, return to the past' which would be a cop out.
9/2/2023 c26 Yog-sothsoth
Damn. I love this thing. Always makes me laugh, or at least smile. Laugh in this case. Not Evil Laugh.
I can smell so much awkwardness ahead, what's with Augur being Gemini, and Gemini being Gemini. In one place. With Yang and Weiss. And of course. In team full of males pink suit naturally goes to female. Gemini should've expected that reversing one reverses the other. I am also very sad that Adam/Weiss team is no go. Though they'd probably kill each other, so maybe it's for the best.
But you know what is 100% for the best? Cardin and his team are dead. Yay!
.
.
.
"Am I a bad person?"
Damn. I love this thing. Always makes me laugh, or at least smile. Laugh in this case. Not Evil Laugh.
I can smell so much awkwardness ahead, what's with Augur being Gemini, and Gemini being Gemini. In one place. With Yang and Weiss. And of course. In team full of males pink suit naturally goes to female. Gemini should've expected that reversing one reverses the other. I am also very sad that Adam/Weiss team is no go. Though they'd probably kill each other, so maybe it's for the best.
But you know what is 100% for the best? Cardin and his team are dead. Yay!
.
.
.
"Am I a bad person?"
8/31/2023 c26 9Kolomte'49
- [ ] Jaune escucha a Weiss, Yang y Adam. Es una cosa rara que de las tres personas sea el Yandere preferido de RWBY el que sonara más sensato de los tres ¿no? Me pregunto si esta pequeña interacción hizo que Jaune se lo pensara dos veces antes de tratar de ser confiado con alguna de las chicas. Y me había olvidado de que él era consciente de la participación de Gem en su entrenamiento. El tipo era una referencia el personaje de “El zorro” ¿no?
- [ ] Oh por Dios. No sé qué es más hilarante. Jaune simplemente no practicó su estrategia de aterrizaje en esta historia (lo que el universo parece gustarle resaltar como un evento inevitable del destino); o que Weiss solo acaba de experimentar lo que hizo Ruby y ella en la iniciación. ¡Con Adam de todas las personas! Sé al menos que Gem se estaría muriendo de la risa si se enterará XD
- [ ] Emerald y Adam. Ok, si. El avión “plan de redención temprana para Emerald” decidió estrellarse antes de siquiera despegar con esto?
- [ ] Pyrrha llega sola. Ay.
- [ ] Las divagaciones de Nora e intenta espantar a Pyrrha antes del Nevermore. Maldita sea, por un momento pensé que llevarías a la chica invencible a una muerte prematura ahí. Por alguna extraña razón, empiezo creer que una forma de identificar el rumbo de las historias de RWBY es estudiar el desarrollo de personaje de Nora, tu pequeña Thor parece ser un poco más negativa cuando habla de sus extravagantes ideas. Afortunadamente Yang (imán Grimm) lo evitó.
- [ ] Cazadores Rangers. Qué carajo?
- [ ] Si no fuera sobre como todas las cazadores felices y Fiona forzaron a Gem a usar el traje rosa (HA!), me estaría quejando sobre cómo el imbecil se está saliendo con la suya muy a menudo. Por cierto, fue muy adorable ver a Ruby quejarse sobre la base malvada.
- [ ] Kerachnes. Interesante Grimm. Te inspiraste de alguna de esas películas de terror ocasionadas por plagas? A mi me gusta Marabunta. Claro ejemplo de que la naturaleza siempre encuentra su camino.
- [ ] Bakeneko apareció, yay!
9Kolomte'49- [ ] Jaune escucha a Weiss, Yang y Adam. Es una cosa rara que de las tres personas sea el Yandere preferido de RWBY el que sonara más sensato de los tres ¿no? Me pregunto si esta pequeña interacción hizo que Jaune se lo pensara dos veces antes de tratar de ser confiado con alguna de las chicas. Y me había olvidado de que él era consciente de la participación de Gem en su entrenamiento. El tipo era una referencia el personaje de “El zorro” ¿no?
- [ ] Oh por Dios. No sé qué es más hilarante. Jaune simplemente no practicó su estrategia de aterrizaje en esta historia (lo que el universo parece gustarle resaltar como un evento inevitable del destino); o que Weiss solo acaba de experimentar lo que hizo Ruby y ella en la iniciación. ¡Con Adam de todas las personas! Sé al menos que Gem se estaría muriendo de la risa si se enterará XD
- [ ] Emerald y Adam. Ok, si. El avión “plan de redención temprana para Emerald” decidió estrellarse antes de siquiera despegar con esto?
- [ ] Pyrrha llega sola. Ay.
- [ ] Las divagaciones de Nora e intenta espantar a Pyrrha antes del Nevermore. Maldita sea, por un momento pensé que llevarías a la chica invencible a una muerte prematura ahí. Por alguna extraña razón, empiezo creer que una forma de identificar el rumbo de las historias de RWBY es estudiar el desarrollo de personaje de Nora, tu pequeña Thor parece ser un poco más negativa cuando habla de sus extravagantes ideas. Afortunadamente Yang (imán Grimm) lo evitó.
- [ ] Cazadores Rangers. Qué carajo?
- [ ] Si no fuera sobre como todas las cazadores felices y Fiona forzaron a Gem a usar el traje rosa (HA!), me estaría quejando sobre cómo el imbecil se está saliendo con la suya muy a menudo. Por cierto, fue muy adorable ver a Ruby quejarse sobre la base malvada.
- [ ] Kerachnes. Interesante Grimm. Te inspiraste de alguna de esas películas de terror ocasionadas por plagas? A mi me gusta Marabunta. Claro ejemplo de que la naturaleza siempre encuentra su camino.
- [ ] Bakeneko apareció, yay!
8/31/2023 c25 Kolomte'49
- [ ] Salem y Slifer. Creo que voy a dictar la escena y grabarlo. ¡Fue demasiado gracioso como para no querer leerlo de nuevo! Si no estuviera cansado y tuviera moderación, me habría hecho pipí. Pero. Otra vez. Perdiste la oportunidad del rugido! Pequeña nota. No sé supone que Cinder si conoce el duelo de monstruos ¿no?, cuánto lo haya practicado es otra cosa.
Debate de línea de tiempo. Sabes cuantas historias conozco donde él SI-OC habla con un personaje canon sobre los cambios en la línea del tiempo? 1. Solo uno hasta el día en que salió este capítulo, y es genial ver otro. Una pena que Cinder no diera una opinión al respecto, pero fue divertido como ella ignoró todo el panorama sobre porqué la Canon-Blake realizó ciertas acciones. Hablando de nuestra desesperante gata, empiezo a preocuparme por ella.
Plan para alejar a Emerald de Cinder. Mil aplausos, por mostrar una escena tan manipuladora. Nada como abandonar a una ladrona en una escuela donde puede experimentar ser algo normal, para que ella misma se cuestione sus desiciones en la vida.
Cackler y Ruby juzgan a la tierra? Me siento ofendido. El punto de Cackler no es válido porque puede pasar en Remnant. La crítica de Ruby irónicamente es algo que no deja de pasar en su mundo, porque la gente se casa con colores! Y yo podría darles una paliza verbal, sobre cómo su mundo es más estupido que el nuestro comenzando con el ello de depender de solo un tipo de fuente de energía que ha permitido el desarrollo de un monopolio corrupto y es probablemente más gastado en las armas, y luego al punto sobre cómo las riñas familiares (divinas y mágicas) son la base de todos los desastres por los qué pasa su sociedad. Y esto es solo para señalar una pequeña base de la superficie.
Neo el espadachín. A Neo le gusta esa carta? O alzó la ceja tras verla?
Sky Scout fue mi carta favorita de pequeño.
Me encantó ver al trío reunirse temprano en la historia.
No sé si porque es el Duelo del que tengo recuerdos más frescos, pero creo que este duelo de cartas se puso en la cima de mi Top personal seguido del duelo contra Yugi y en tercer lugar el duelo contra Ruby. Éste en especial se sintió más fresco y balanceado que los otros.
Weiss perdió un ojo? Cuando? Y de alguna manera ahora me recuerda al spam de Akane Tendou
Whitley y Slifer: por favor… Que sólo sea un trole o hacia su hermana y no se lo tome tan a pecho
Joey/Jaune. Realmente que pusieras como título el apodo que te sugerí para Jaune, y que replanteaste la historia de fondo que te sugerí para dicho apodo. Aunque un poco triste de qué no me hayas mencionado ahí.
Bumblebee.… Sí. Creo que dejaré tu explicación para leerla en algún otro momento. Creo que fue demasiado, aunque concuerdo en buena parte de lo que pones al principio y de lo que pude leer. Sobre todo la flecha metafórica con la que apuñalaste a Ilia.
Sabes qué es lo más raro? Que si Blake hubiera salido con Sun, hubiera sido una recreación completa de la expresión de qué los opuestos se atraen. Quiero decir personalidades completamente contrarias, semblanzas basadas en clones, dos perspectivas completamente diferentes sobre cómo tratar con el racismo hacia los de su propia especie…
- [ ] Salem y Slifer. Creo que voy a dictar la escena y grabarlo. ¡Fue demasiado gracioso como para no querer leerlo de nuevo! Si no estuviera cansado y tuviera moderación, me habría hecho pipí. Pero. Otra vez. Perdiste la oportunidad del rugido! Pequeña nota. No sé supone que Cinder si conoce el duelo de monstruos ¿no?, cuánto lo haya practicado es otra cosa.
Debate de línea de tiempo. Sabes cuantas historias conozco donde él SI-OC habla con un personaje canon sobre los cambios en la línea del tiempo? 1. Solo uno hasta el día en que salió este capítulo, y es genial ver otro. Una pena que Cinder no diera una opinión al respecto, pero fue divertido como ella ignoró todo el panorama sobre porqué la Canon-Blake realizó ciertas acciones. Hablando de nuestra desesperante gata, empiezo a preocuparme por ella.
Plan para alejar a Emerald de Cinder. Mil aplausos, por mostrar una escena tan manipuladora. Nada como abandonar a una ladrona en una escuela donde puede experimentar ser algo normal, para que ella misma se cuestione sus desiciones en la vida.
Cackler y Ruby juzgan a la tierra? Me siento ofendido. El punto de Cackler no es válido porque puede pasar en Remnant. La crítica de Ruby irónicamente es algo que no deja de pasar en su mundo, porque la gente se casa con colores! Y yo podría darles una paliza verbal, sobre cómo su mundo es más estupido que el nuestro comenzando con el ello de depender de solo un tipo de fuente de energía que ha permitido el desarrollo de un monopolio corrupto y es probablemente más gastado en las armas, y luego al punto sobre cómo las riñas familiares (divinas y mágicas) son la base de todos los desastres por los qué pasa su sociedad. Y esto es solo para señalar una pequeña base de la superficie.
Neo el espadachín. A Neo le gusta esa carta? O alzó la ceja tras verla?
Sky Scout fue mi carta favorita de pequeño.
Me encantó ver al trío reunirse temprano en la historia.
No sé si porque es el Duelo del que tengo recuerdos más frescos, pero creo que este duelo de cartas se puso en la cima de mi Top personal seguido del duelo contra Yugi y en tercer lugar el duelo contra Ruby. Éste en especial se sintió más fresco y balanceado que los otros.
Weiss perdió un ojo? Cuando? Y de alguna manera ahora me recuerda al spam de Akane Tendou
Whitley y Slifer: por favor… Que sólo sea un trole o hacia su hermana y no se lo tome tan a pecho
Joey/Jaune. Realmente que pusieras como título el apodo que te sugerí para Jaune, y que replanteaste la historia de fondo que te sugerí para dicho apodo. Aunque un poco triste de qué no me hayas mencionado ahí.
Bumblebee.… Sí. Creo que dejaré tu explicación para leerla en algún otro momento. Creo que fue demasiado, aunque concuerdo en buena parte de lo que pones al principio y de lo que pude leer. Sobre todo la flecha metafórica con la que apuñalaste a Ilia.
Sabes qué es lo más raro? Que si Blake hubiera salido con Sun, hubiera sido una recreación completa de la expresión de qué los opuestos se atraen. Quiero decir personalidades completamente contrarias, semblanzas basadas en clones, dos perspectivas completamente diferentes sobre cómo tratar con el racismo hacia los de su propia especie…
8/30/2023 c26 vastoisshin
Welp that's going to hurt Beacons reputation a bit, nothing like dead students to rep things up.
Welp that's going to hurt Beacons reputation a bit, nothing like dead students to rep things up.
8/25/2023 c25 G119
Hahaha!
The chibi bit got me.
Remnant would see it that way, wouldn’t it?
This chapter is full of great jokes. Ive had to reread it a couple time because I wanna refresh my memory before giving my review and it makes me laugh every single time.
Cinder scrabbling for any sense of control. The meeting with Robyn. Pre-JNP talking.
Solid Gold.
Things also feel like the Rising Action is about to hit a moment. The Initiation is starting, Salem attacking and Gem moving to intercept with… Skin tight Bodysuit Bodyguard Happy Huntresses…?
Say no more.
Wheres the next chapter?
Hahaha!
The chibi bit got me.
Remnant would see it that way, wouldn’t it?
This chapter is full of great jokes. Ive had to reread it a couple time because I wanna refresh my memory before giving my review and it makes me laugh every single time.
Cinder scrabbling for any sense of control. The meeting with Robyn. Pre-JNP talking.
Solid Gold.
Things also feel like the Rising Action is about to hit a moment. The Initiation is starting, Salem attacking and Gem moving to intercept with… Skin tight Bodysuit Bodyguard Happy Huntresses…?
Say no more.
Wheres the next chapter?
7/14/2023 c1 Inhyun
That theeelderman5 guy really be focusing on the most stupidest stuff if he thinks RWBY is the worst and anybody associated it, like mate have you not gone outside and see people simping for murderer because he is handsome. Seriously I'm now the one that wants to punch your face and likely many more people will also like to punch your face theeelderman5
That theeelderman5 guy really be focusing on the most stupidest stuff if he thinks RWBY is the worst and anybody associated it, like mate have you not gone outside and see people simping for murderer because he is handsome. Seriously I'm now the one that wants to punch your face and likely many more people will also like to punch your face theeelderman5