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4/10/2023 c13 3SuperSimpleStuff
My friend
At last I'm here

I won't tell you how excited I was when I opened the chapter and I saw the warning.
You know how much I adore lemon and romance? Of course you do

And you were clever and amusing in the first paragraphs. One could have imagined it was K18 going at it, even if I don't see any of them being very vocal while loving each other, but there was a chance and it sure was comical when, instead, we found out it was Roshi and Oolong and their special kind of entertainment.
With Eighteen tossing and turning in the sweltering heat, and Krillin being the best and sweetest husband in the world, preoccupying over her.
It was a chapter that made me wonder and hope in other instances, like when you mention Eighteen casually stroking her belly while in bed.
It tipped me off because it's no usual gesture from her and my mind started envisioning my SSS scenarios, telling myself "ok, is it really what I think it is? No, wait, hold your horses, stop seeing what you want to see."

Roshi and Oolong lying on the couch amidst a minefield of tissues, this got me to laugh too. The fact you cheekily revealed just a little bit later that the tissues had been used to wipe nosebleeds got me to laugh harder.
I think the DB main cast would be incomplete without these two lecherous man and pig, you wee, they are absolute pervs but you can't hate them, they're just too funny
Sometimes I wonder how they're still alive with all the blood they shed "
I cackled when later Roshi sprays blood everywhere, to the point of needing a doctor and having "the pig with a tea for a name" (idk it's a cute detail), and when he's watching his porn and saying "cmon stop talking and start round 2"
I don't know how you manage to write about these two watching porn and harassing the hell out of their household without sounding vulgar.
Your style is vivid and yet delicate
Just like with your superb depictions of eyes, man,everytime I read you I know I'll be treated.

You tempered the comical side with the slight angst of Eighteen being uncomfortable with the noise, sleepiness and not wanting to tell Krillin about it. I guess because she's prideful and because, most of all, she understands how deeply Krillin cares for her and she doesn't want to burden them
The scene with her flying at full speed to Seventeen's and enjoying the chaos of such speed connects well to her inner turmoil
The twins are united even in the discomfort of noisy romping neighbours, or shows, and in the angst of tension with their husband and fiancée
I love the recurring detail of K18 rubbing their wedding band
Forgive me if I think I found a detail to reconsider: you talk about wedding rings for Sev and Carly as well but if they're engaged, shouldn't they wear engagement rings?
What happens with them is so real life, people talking a lot of s*** without knowing s***
And spreading nasty rumours, which enraged and disappointed Carly.
Seventeen put up a smile but it was clear he was distressed, and I'm so glad his sister was there for him, if they were there for each other in such a sensitive moments in their life
I'm glad Carly called and put her love and insight over some stupid rumours.
Then we had a warm cosy family scene with Seventeen cooking Oolong- whoops, "pig" (I love Eighteen says pig haha)
One of these days this Oolong is gonna be roasted, literally
This ties funnily with LDC
I was sold over little Marron being there with Seventeen's comment about his sister's appetite, the concept of "eating for two" was a dead giveaway
More than Krillin remarking his wife's increased sense of self-preservation.
I love you make the pregnancy reveal through Krillin's eyes
He's gonna be a father. He deserves all the joy. Eighteen too. K18 doing the pregnancy experience is something I could never have enough of.
She (and of course Seventeen)have come a long way, you really instil this satisfaction in your readers.
We've watched them grow :')

The finale is extremely sweet, of course Marron's powerful cries are the most acceptable noises of them all.

One of the things I really love about your writing is your depiction of true love, genuine affection. The little gestures and signs of affections that in real life are the trademarks of a sound relationship.
We talked about how unique the K18 OTP is
Thank you for reminding me at every read why I love them so much


PS. I don't find anyone OOC
4/3/2023 c13 6Literal Winter
This is certainly a unique topic to cover for this chapter, and I feel rather sorry for you if you have to put up with sort of stuff from your neighbors in real life, must make sleeping a bit of a pain not unlike how you've written Eighteen here.

Neighborly antics aside, I do like how you've written Krillin to be very supportive for his wife here and that he is a source of comfort when Eighteen's feeling stressed or worked up, showing how positive their relationship is. Another sign of this positivity is when Eighteen flies of to Seventeen's cabin, her brother shows actual concern for Krillin and Eighteen's relationship when he asks how things are going, displaying his investment in the couple's wellbeing and support of them.

One thing I will say is that I feel you do write Roshi and Oolong as very obnoxious here, almost a bit too much in my opinion, they are after all not overly ill intentioned people and their incessant mocking of Eighteen at the start I felt seemed a bit too malicious for what I would expect from them.

I also find it interesting that you would include Eighteen's pregnancy in this chapter as well, it wasn't bad by any means and I actually quite liked the inclusion, however I do feel it was at odds with the rest of the chapter concept and feels like a subplot in this story rather than a full focus which I think that story element definitely deserves.

Regardless the ending was humorous and definitely a funny payback to inflict on the perverted duo, and kind of goes to show how two super humans going at it is a rather dangerous notion.

Anyways nice chapter man!
2/22/2023 c12 3SuperSimpleStuff
my friend,

everything about this OS was just…so…cute.
Even before you mentioned the Christmas decorations in the Chestnut family home, I could sniff Christmas magic in the air with your descriptions of the wintry weather contrasting with the warmth of the group, both in their relationships and in the ki-based heating sources!
Reading about ice and snows never fails to make me miss winter. The warmth of the family and the beauty of this wintry setting are made to enhance each other, as the family members themselves are, for me, made for one another.
It’s the impression I get reading you, there’s a satisfying spectrum of sentiments in their interactions, as a real-life group of people would have, but the base is just this great affinity, love and respect.
I get a ton of happiness, “good vibes” and calm reading the interactions the way you write them, it just flows.
If we have Eighteen hiccuping in the last chapter, of course we need Seventeen burping and I was just LOL-ing, at his whole table attitude to be fair, it’s impossible not to laugh with your Seventeen and his pork addiction (hello LDC).
Eighteen completely ignoring him, then…
There’s other LDC references I really relished, such as the parfait, the discreet but full of passion K18 PDA, I felt the lowkey lust here too and you know me, it’s something I love.
Krillin and Eighteen always having that empowering love dynamic we discussed, and also getting some Car17 (I’m calling them this now)
Carly is practical, sassy, but not over the top. I feel like Fille took after her a lot, I’m dragging this impression over from ch 10 already.
They give off a similar energy.
I also love the concept of Marron (and Fille, sure) giving her PoV on her parents’ attitude and them being able/having the chance to gauge themselves.
It’s also realistic.

The way you describe eyes is always a delight to read, I swear, man, I’ve HOPED for some Krillin peepers as soon as I read the title.
It beckoned me. And you delivered.
Chocolate wormholes and whirlpools, wow. And the mercurial blue of Eighteen’s, and Seventeen being completely smitten over Carly’s emeralds…over Carly, period. I love their body language, and his thoughts (those small touches full of love, like “my Carly”)
I love mealtime scenes because they have huge potential for bonding and for portraying endearingly daily life, and I loved how they think to share their desserts. I don’t know, it sounds like something you’d do with people who are special and meaningful.
Eighteen worries about her abilities of caring for her family, and it manifests through the hot chocolate competition. It’s such a small detail, but in real life, it’s not rare at all that problems and brooding tied to what’s most important to you manifest through the mundane. This is not about the skill of making hot chocolate, not about wanting to be the best, if you go past the top soil.
Or maybe it’s just me projecting!
You keep the warmth going with Krillin and Seventeen being there for her in this moment. Having Seventeen and Eighteen alone in a room without their family brings vibes from your other stories and I think it has a well-deserved place in this OS.
These two men are a constant in her life, I’m glad to read you emphasise each’s unique way of being this for her.
I love also how you use “sacred”, too, for Eighteen’s thoughts about her name (“Thanks Kril, for making my number of a name sound so...beautiful and sacred..)
Her name is heaven for him, all of her, her very existence, and he’s a cultured former monk after all.
I love also how you describe the girls’ resemblances to their parents, especially Marron’s eyes being a perfect mix of her parents’, and Fille having her father’s face under her mother’s mane.
Go…away, Gero. These two girls re yet another victory against you.
It’s only fitting that the magical chocolate made with love but the Chestnut homemakers has an aftertaste of that delicious nut.
Love being the secret ingredient that makes Eighteen’s hot chocolate special, which becomes a cheeky bonding agent for kisses and more contact.
Everyone is loving, and loved, and only good things will come from this.
I’m always in awe of the depth you reach from prompts so simple.
It warms up like that delicious beverage.

The only criticism I have is tht, sometimes, it isn't super clear whose thoughts are some thoughts (the parts in italics, especilly when the family leaves the restaurant), but perhaps it's just me.

I hope this piece was as fun to write as it was for me to read!

Catching up with all the goodness I hadn't kept the pace with was definitely worth it.
Keep up the good work

2/19/2023 c11 SuperSimpleStuff
My friend,

I didn't remember this technique by Roshi so the title didn't give me a clue on what would happen.

You opened with lovely images of action, and I was hyped at seeing a z warrior be a police officer, especially knowing and being shown how infinitely caring Krillin is.

Why does he think that recovering the diamond didn't count nor help?

It's small and symbolic sets the tone. I was rooting hard for him to catch the criminal!

And then the sweet part comes...

I stan height differences for thr cuteness and tenderness they evoke and here Eighteen lifting Krillin made my heart melt.
The peak of this, though, is him getting swung over her shoulder.
I stan even harder a strong girl picking up her daintier boy like that.
She can rock him to sleep if he doesn't behave...
Romantic bits like this are something I crave for in your writing because you portray K18 so naturally, they really come across as inseparable souls, meant to be together.

Eighteen smiling wide is another precious image, just like hee blushing at him requesting she warms up the bed. Krillin is always a gentleman even when he infuses it with healthy, real-life cheekiness.

Through the neighbour ladies' comments you make me wonder about Marron's abilities, and she is de facto above average in her senses. It's coherent. I once read a scientifically compelling argument some fan made, on how Marron could have inherited some of Eighteen's power.

Kril getting distracted by Eighteen during the fight...One of us haha
Her beauty and love, the love she inspires him are beguiling.
But again you remind the fearsome warrior Eighteen is (the touch of that glint in her gaze even later when she requests that Kril put some acting into Little Red Riding Hood)
And Krillin is one too! He bested her here and I couldn't be prouder.
Love her being impressed at his barrier and I SAW her scoff and eyeroll

Hypnosis overtook the cyborg instincts
This is badass...

"It's hard to be mama" - Marron you sensible, clever girl

"We must be nicer to mama" - Kril you gem, how can you possibly be more of a dream husband than you already are?

"But she's cute when she sleeps" - 100% angel...
Aaw. No, Kril, poking her cheek wouldn't be taking advantage, just being affectionate...

Eighteen being hungry is super endearing.
Makes me think of what Seventeen says in LDC, "Never having to eat again, my ass!"

His hypnosis didn't feel like cheating to a reader, but like a trump card.
Eighteen is virtually unstoppable
I can't imagine how unstoppable she can be once she learns Hypnosis
The soul connection element...besides serving the plot and characterization, it's the ultimate proof Eighteen is more human than machine.
She has a frigging SOUL.

And a resolution everybody shall heed:
Find a partner who thinks you're quite attractive while hiccuping.
It was super cute! Really super cute. She being annoyed at this too.
I love superhumans being clearly human ams this reminded me of that DBS moment when she sneezes, which I found equally cute.
I also thought "mmmm she needs to work on this" when she uttereed her words of hypnosis.

Creamy swirls and aquamarine world, I love how you described K18 eyes in this piece. You have this very specific imagery but never repeat yourself. Well played.

We go from the technique of hypnosis to reflecting on how Krillin would do anything for his "Chestnut girls" (the cutest definition) and how much Marron loves her parents.
The idea of acting for Marron's sake was coherent but I love their openness even more. Because yes, for such a request they just need to be themselves.
Loving Marron is the most natural thing.
You portrayed such a precious family moment. I love fluff and I'll always repeat I love how you do warmth!
Let me quote this line from Eighteen because it resumes her character and also her progress:

"Ah screw you system, I own you and you'll do as I command..."

The OS comes full circle as Eighteen reiterates the recommendations given to Kril by his boss.
The man just need to remember his worth.

Finally I was...hoping the robber would return.
I knew he wouldn't do anything tk Eighteen because his form was completely off, then he totally misunderstood the principle on which the technique work.
Not bending the will, and forming the soul connection.
But you gotta give him props for going through the trouble of finding such a flamboyant outfit (like that guy in the top hat in Sailor Moon, with a dash of Hisoka maybe?), for obsessively studyjng sergeant Chestnut and for even hoping he could dupe Eighteen.
This guy has some serious confidence.
It rose and plummeted as his body did, as he fell right in the spot where, lieutenant Chestnut was.
Eighteen helped, but didn't make the arrest.
Still...if I had to nitpick...I would have preferred Krillin to do the heavy lifting as for Eighteen it was so easy she didn't even think.
For Krillin it shouldn't be difficult but more difficult than it is for her.

I also found simple typing errors that should be easy to edit.

"Oh I'll knock [so] sense"

"her fingers digging into those sturdy arms [he] adored so much"

"I need your full [corporation]"
"Eighteen's degree of [corporation]"

"She (Marron) chirped happily, albeit silently" but if she chirped she just made a sound, right? Or did I misunderstand.

"(Eighteen) returned with a [coyly] smirk"

I really have to squint to be able to give you this kind of feedback, but all I see is that this OS was a beautiful read and way to start my day!

Keep up the good work

2/16/2023 c10 SuperSimpleStuff
My friend,

I don't think this chapter was heavy. It was rich in emotion and I read it in a beat, and I let all its layers unfold.

I love how your focus expanded from the detail of Eighteen having that cool programming element waking her up to the possibility of an important date, than leading with that passionate K18 kiss to a talk of car and flowers.
You had me thinking it was their anniversary, forgetting maybe the title.
My thoughts were "look. She being chivalrous with car and flowers"

Let's talk a but about all the K18 tenderness in the opening scene.
It's so cute how Krillin reanimates to her touch, how he feels strong and sturdy as he hugs her, it made me think of a warm cuddle on a lazy day, as she's also beginning to brush off her internal schedule and programming.

And the kiss…Man, I revel in this stuff.
So romantic
And very subtly erotic. I love the POV of Krillin and how his is always the purest and most innocent love.
His acrs of love are deep and heartfelt but the way he talks to himself and Eighteen is purely lovey-dovey, in a way a tiny bit naive that makes him adorable, the epitome of a doting husband.
She's so lucky…
And he's able to best her endurance here with his special oxygen absorption
He can kiss forever, and he's an endurance match to her in this case.
Enjoyed so much how you put this hnique detail in Kril's physiology to the service of fluff and romance

The fluff continues with Good Dad Kril, I love how he's the sweetest…I love the way you write tenderness, as a whole, as you put so much of it into the description of sleeping Marron.
You calling her " labors of their love" is a great wink to Ldc and I should have interpreted it as a foreshadowing of Fille featuring in this chapter, too.
The peak of tenderness was "those small and developing hands"
It gives a beautiful idea of how tender and young she still is even if we see her growing…
And the turtle plush is a classy touch!

I guess Eighteen's evolution into this life of tenderness is summarised into her voice being
"Impatient but loving", it sums up who she had been, who she is now and it foreshadows the melancholy to come
She's not comfortable with tears I guess, and she's legit sad about her friend's death…
And Krillin sums her up too in his knowing what he was jn for in his marriage.
Devoting his life to a wife who is a caring cyborg
I love these reminders of their relationship.

"Sweetie" and "hon", the two ways Marron and FILLE are referred at…and…

now I can stretch my aaaaaww even longer
Filled so serious, "FATHER' when even mom goes "daddy".

I feel Carly's struggle with getting Sev to be ready on time but he being disarmingly positive, then.
He's an optimist but today he doesn't have much mirth in him…
Then I thought they were having a family reunion, the K18 wedding anniversary was out.
But in a way there's still some K18 anniversary, as he says later, it was the day when he picked up her unconscious body from the floor and when she first crushed on him!

When I say Krillin is a great man, I mean the CARE.
He encases the hovercar in ki not to let turbulence upset Eighteen…

The occasion of the family reunion became much more apparent when Kril says we all lost a good friend that day…"

16?, I asked myself.

I love how Eighteen doesn't want to burden Marron with her sadness but she doesn't lie either about feeling off. I feel like she wouldn't have respected her if she just said "no I'm okay", because Marron is perceptive and intelligent, like her parents
With the Chestnuts standing closer and closer to the crater, I knew it had to be Sixteen.
It hit a bit hard how Marron is too small to even see all of the crater

I loved the image of Carly and Fille following Seventeen, and yes, him being offended by Eighteen lightly messing with him is a clear sign if emotional turmoil!

Artificial Human Number Sixteen is as loved as a beloved human being. I found it moving and JUST that he has a place of burial, a headstone, flowers (that's why the flowers) and…chirping birds perched on his stone

The way 17 chats casually with him definitely helps one feel it hasn't been long, that Sixteen is lingering around.
Love that they can all sense him, love your description of the remnants of the battle sensed by Krillin ("he could literally taste it all on his lips"), each Z warrior who has been there has left his signature.
I loved how you mentioned Vegeta in that moment of sublime vulnerability…
Marron's drawings and Fille's bird picture are gestures so full of love, I'm so proud for Sixteen for having been able to create so much love in his life even if he was an android, fully mechanical.

Carly is a bit cold but I can't blame her, maybe she's also feeling a tiny bit out of place.
Her heart is in the right place, tho, and she has much to thank Sixteen for, and she's fully aware of it.
The mention of Mr Satan's "exploits"
"That fraud", it made me laugh
But 17 finds a silver lining even for him, he tossed Sixteen's head.
What a different doc than gero, his Carly is.

"Uncle Dende" reinforces the sense of family that permeates the chapter. A whole squad of cool uncles and some aunties, these two girls have.

Krillin always goes beyond the surface and I love him recalling why Kami's lookout is important.

I have to quote your last line,

"Thanks for making all this happen Sixteen"

Because it ties everything, not only in the chapter, but really the lives of these people.

I thank him too, out of love for the twins, and of him, too.

Thank you for always going beyond the surface with your writing.
J had another good read

2/14/2023 c9 SuperSimpleStuff
My friend,

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this OS because the title sounded quite enigmatic, I knew you’d delve into Eighteen’s (and Seventeen’s) past but well yeah, that’s all I let myself guess.

Something you made me love, it’s Krillin’s eyes, everytime you describe such satisfying shades of brown, and it’s probably how Eighteen sees them (she must see colours in a broader spectrum, I was thinking, so Krillin’s dark brown which can look black reveals an infinite array of shades to her). See, I have a new headcanon, now

Through the shopping trip you let us know Krillin is now a cop before mentioning it in literal words, and I can definitely feel the city life vibe imbuing the family (I assume they already live in Satan City).

Eighteen is like in LDC, no public demonstrations of affection, but he’s not cold: her affection shines through other details (Krillin being her “lifelong companion”, she picking Marron up, cherishing the features of both herself and Krillin she sees on her. I especially loved the detail of the smile, she indeed has Krillin’s hearty smile)

Then she’s in a foul mood once she’s in the arcade, swarmed as she is with memories she can’t still see with clarity. But Eighteen, don’t berate yourself…I guess Krillin and Marron aren’t straining in effort to make you happy and sound hyped by the arcade
The image of a younger Seventeen with his joystick was so precious…
And facing his wife’s distress, Krillin is so open and accommodating without being a doormat
She…puts him under a lot of pressure to win, she sounds bossy, but Marron cheering is just so adorable Krillin won’t concentrate on anything but making her happy

I’m trying to guess which game was your inspiration! Tekken, street fighter? Those games I played sometimes
The monk throwing a fireball, Uchiha style

I loved the expression “ innocent vigor” for Marron. She’s the daughter of K18 after all

Krillin hurts after playing for a long time, because he's human: a nice detail to add to the DBverse where everyone is more durable but well, humans are humans

Eighteen as a pro gamer makes a lot of sense to me, with her superior eyesight and decision-making, I like how you compared her gaming to actual battle tactics later!
And I like how you referenced King Piccolo, Krillin being in such a different stage of his life now

Eighteen is attracting attention without even trying!
She overthinking a bit about playing more, she’s usually not an overthinking type (I find) so this speaks of the depth and importance of her memories and sensations. She’s ok with lending the arcade more of her time if potential opponents are willing to pay for the matches
Sassy, sassy, sassy
Oh well she’s a family woman, she needs to control expenses

“There has got to be a limit to her stamina."
You guys! You have no idea.
Krillin does, tho, and I love how you reminded everyone that even if Eighteen is “tame” (she has matured) now, she used to be the biggest threat to humanity, together with Seventeen, at some point in her life. She’s fearsome. Woe to whoever forgets about it.
I love this because I’m still as in awe of her power as I was when I was a kid.
And Marron is unaffected. Mama is mama, no bad can come from her, she just loves her

!The old lady!
I knew I was in for a treat, because in anything animation (not just anime, look at the old lady in “Madagascar”, haha!) the older the character the more of a menace!
And then the beat dropped.
No way

Marron, “(...) I don't have any grandparents, but if I have one they're probably like Ms. Poule?”
I have never made headcanons about Krillin’s parents but I guess Eighteen’s would have loved, cherished and spoiled Marron the way grandparents MUST do!
The kind, simple yet insightful comments Poule makes on the K18 family sound like real life comments a well-meaning stranger can do (I ran into one of these old ladies just last week and the interaction was so similar. I have no doubt about real life inspiration here)

(I was sad 18 couldn't remember her at first, so when she did I was like “YES!”)

I had no doubt toward Poule’s superior gaming skills
But it’s still precious to read

About Eighteen’s competitiveness…I’d say she’s as competitive as 17, even more, but she’s quiet about it. Which coupled with emotional baggage became…blinking red and fainting.

I didn’t expect it, so well done
The memories manifesting in Eighteen’s dream are somewhat tragic, because we know what she lost, but the fact that she can resumate them means hope. Gero didn’t strip her of them…
Ms Poule being part of this nostalgia, of the good that Eighteen kept in her heart and soul.
It’s beautiful that she reanimates at the sound and touch maybe of the beating hearts of her family
And about Eighteen revealing details about her and Seventeen’s family, Poule is not a stranger and I’m glad she recognised Lazuli!

And after all this emotional turmoil, it’s finally time to go home

I love how you start light-hearted in your themes and narration and then there’s depth layering. This is maybe my favourite, so far, out of this OS collection.

(Now let me squint.
“purposefully picked the fighter on purpose”
Clunky because of repetition)

Thank you for the read!

12/14/2022 c12 6Literal Winter
Cool little chapter here, good job incorporating the theme in and for trying out a different method of writing when it comes to the sensory aspect of a story, which you captured well.

I honestly don't really have too much to add other than it was a nice read with some great wholesome characterizations and moments, also good to see you keeping up your chapter goals for the end of the year.
10/27/2022 c11 14Cj4Dj
Something different indeed but still a nice read! (Hey that rhymes :P). anyway i enjoyed this one, the hypnosis was an interesting technique.
10/23/2022 c11 2sourcandygaga
This chapter it’s very different than what you can usually expect in terms of prompts seeing from you author notes I liked what you did here tho and I felt you did pretty well considering how challenging it would have been to pull off the proper while still keeping everyone in character. good job
10/22/2022 c11 2kjasdhflasgfklhas
This was such a sweet read! I loved t - thank you for tackling the prompt :D
10/22/2022 c11 6Literal Winter
It's cool to see your take on the Hypnosis prompt, and it was neat to see the antics that Krillin and Eighteen got up to with the technique.

I liked how you kept things simple with the hypnosis, with each of the couple doing humorous things which was nice as it showed that they respected each other enough to not go overboard. I also like how Eighteen wanted to spar with Krillin in order to help him, and it was funny seeing the neighbors watching in confusion at the fight.

With the gunmen character, I understand what you were trying to do with him and how it integrates into the hypnosis prompt, however I feel that the bit at the end where he is stalking the family and attempting hypnosis on Eighteen to get her to cheat on Krillin comes a bit out of nowhere and comes across as overly vindictive for a criminal who has already gotten away with his crime.

Overall though it was good, nice work.
9/25/2022 c10 Literal Winter
Nice chapter man, I really like that you made the main focus about Sixteen here, he honestly doesn't get enough consideration in the Dragon Ball story despite how much of an impact and importance he had to the events of the Cell Saga.

The families both getting ready early so that they can get to the site of the Cell Games before all of the tourists, is a poignant moment and definitely gives the right tone for what the day means to Seventeen and Eighteen along with their respective families. I like that they talk to Sixteen's grave and let him know how things are going for them all, really hitting home with how he is a part of their family and that he is a loved one who's memory means a lot to everyone involved.

Good work, a great way to finish off this year's Chestnut Festival!
9/25/2022 c10 14Cj4Dj
Wow, that was so nice but also...SO SAD! In a way. Very beautiful. I could visualize it. It's very nice to read about the impact of Android 16 in this way. Very well done.
9/12/2022 c9 Cj4Dj
Omg that was so good! And what a surprising twist at the end! Loved it!
9/11/2022 c9 6Literal Winter
This was a really good chapter man, I thoroughly enjoyed the content you chose here and I'm glad you decided to give the gamer prompt a go with this one.

I really liked the typical family setting with Krillin, Eighteen and Marron out shopping, and it provides a neat transition to the arcade which was both really fun to read as well as ending with a more emotional note with the inclusion of Ms. Poule. Eighteen having incredible skills on the arcade machines is something I can easily see her character being capable of, and the faint memories of her and Seventeen as kids playing the games cements this idea for me as it is very in character for them. The parts with Eighteen exhibiting her cybernetic enhancements was a effective reminder of her new-found power as an Android, and Krillin's musings on that fact gives us a good sense of how terrifyingly skilled she actually is once she sets her mind to things.

The addition of Ms. Poule, the OC from your other story is a great choice as well, and I really appreciate your efforts to keep a consistent canon in your stories, giving readers of your other works opportunities to notice things you've implemented across your writing. Eighteen's response to Ms. Poule's appearance and her subsequent interaction with her once they finished their game was a touching moment, and I'm glad that at least someone from Eighteen's human life was able to meet with her once again, learning that things are okay with the girl they'd once known.

Overall a fantastic chapter man, looking forward to what you've got next!
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