for Power, Freedom and a French Flower3/17 c8 Guest
BTW it is the Knight bus not the night bus omg I feel like hermione...
BTW it is the Knight bus not the night bus omg I feel like hermione...
3/17 c8 Guest
maybe they cant see who performed the magic because he is with the flamels and they are magicalm the the ministry dont know who is the one doing magic
maybe they cant see who performed the magic because he is with the flamels and they are magicalm the the ministry dont know who is the one doing magic
3/17 c19 
15Saissa
Does Dumbles not realise exactly how CONTRADICTORY those last 2 lines are?
Black told Voldie where your parents were hiding and betrayed them.
Black is also your godfather and legal guardian.
Anyone with knowledge in the wizarding world should know that a godfather cannot allow harm to come to their godchild.
Clearly Dumbles does not know this. I wonder why?
15SaissaDoes Dumbles not realise exactly how CONTRADICTORY those last 2 lines are?
Black told Voldie where your parents were hiding and betrayed them.
Black is also your godfather and legal guardian.
Anyone with knowledge in the wizarding world should know that a godfather cannot allow harm to come to their godchild.
Clearly Dumbles does not know this. I wonder why?
3/3 c10 GloriouSin
Nah. This is unreadable. It's pointless.
Author is rushing towards the end as fast as possible. Repeats scenes. Does not hold true to the personality of any character.
Harry is a walking plot device: He dramatizes over a troll like some angel paladin lawful good 100/100 character, then TORTURES a dude for fun (he obliviates him afterwards so the only purpose was his fun, he also taunts while torturing him going all Umbridge on him "tut tut tut"). Despises and Dodges all people but is somehow social with Nick and Penny. Hates Dumbledore but also really wants his help. Does not want to play hero and is all "hide my skills no matter what!" but then just as in the original plot reveals them at the same time (as predicted parseltongue pointlessly introduced too early for literally no pint or reason then went stages-of-canon) just to save a guy he does not and should not care about, even worse you rewrote the scene in a way that makes it nonsensical instead of following canon directly (it's like... author makes changes but nothing changes).
There really is no point to this since it's mostly canon, even characters just act like fanfic bashing caricatures of themselves.
It's like author wants dark Harry but is too much of a pussy to go there, he just dips his toes and runs away from the scary cold water of AU and logic back into the safety of canon and fanfic tropes.
Might as well go read original at least it makes sense, and it's obvious that the ending will be mostly the same since author does not have the guts to make real changes and deviate from canon too much.
Literally a pointless read.
Nah. This is unreadable. It's pointless.
Author is rushing towards the end as fast as possible. Repeats scenes. Does not hold true to the personality of any character.
Harry is a walking plot device: He dramatizes over a troll like some angel paladin lawful good 100/100 character, then TORTURES a dude for fun (he obliviates him afterwards so the only purpose was his fun, he also taunts while torturing him going all Umbridge on him "tut tut tut"). Despises and Dodges all people but is somehow social with Nick and Penny. Hates Dumbledore but also really wants his help. Does not want to play hero and is all "hide my skills no matter what!" but then just as in the original plot reveals them at the same time (as predicted parseltongue pointlessly introduced too early for literally no pint or reason then went stages-of-canon) just to save a guy he does not and should not care about, even worse you rewrote the scene in a way that makes it nonsensical instead of following canon directly (it's like... author makes changes but nothing changes).
There really is no point to this since it's mostly canon, even characters just act like fanfic bashing caricatures of themselves.
It's like author wants dark Harry but is too much of a pussy to go there, he just dips his toes and runs away from the scary cold water of AU and logic back into the safety of canon and fanfic tropes.
Might as well go read original at least it makes sense, and it's obvious that the ending will be mostly the same since author does not have the guts to make real changes and deviate from canon too much.
Literally a pointless read.
3/3 c6 GloriouSin
Why do people think that the miror shows the future? Nothing point's to that. Please people read at least one book before writing fanfics.
And no this is not a "well it's your story i guess" argument this time, your mirror had the same description as OG mirror and NOTHING is to suggest it's different except the random trope of reading the future that we both know you inserted cos trope not cos it makes sense.
Also, writing your ending on page 6 is generally bad practice ;p
...
Why did he run away from the cat, he knows magic unlike OG Harry and as you wrote TONS of it on huge power levels. This is what i ment by adding billion little skills to the character that you want to derail later, stronger character so you can't just be unoriginal or copy from another fanfic as always. You need to make up a reasonable way that he would be force to run away from the cat that he could easily stun with 3 different spells. Hell he can just put it to sleep and set it somewhere high and safe, it's a cat.
...
P.S: Really? He had moral dilemmas from killing a troll? Shit that does not bode well for "dark" Harry hahah, hell thats Dumbledore levels of SERVE THE LIGHT. Dude seriously the tropes... Don't just mash EVERY trait onto Harry, you re just making him a plot device not a person. He has too many opposing views:
Privet Drive: "Everyone on this street will remember me, i will have my vengence!"
Troll Fight: "Oh god i killed im a murderer how will i live with myself... no no i must justify this to myself or i wont sleep for a YEAR."
What? So what is he? Crucio when i hate you or every life is presious no matter what.
Freedom or Order? I though he wanted Freedom, that's chaos not order. What up?
Why do people think that the miror shows the future? Nothing point's to that. Please people read at least one book before writing fanfics.
And no this is not a "well it's your story i guess" argument this time, your mirror had the same description as OG mirror and NOTHING is to suggest it's different except the random trope of reading the future that we both know you inserted cos trope not cos it makes sense.
Also, writing your ending on page 6 is generally bad practice ;p
...
Why did he run away from the cat, he knows magic unlike OG Harry and as you wrote TONS of it on huge power levels. This is what i ment by adding billion little skills to the character that you want to derail later, stronger character so you can't just be unoriginal or copy from another fanfic as always. You need to make up a reasonable way that he would be force to run away from the cat that he could easily stun with 3 different spells. Hell he can just put it to sleep and set it somewhere high and safe, it's a cat.
...
P.S: Really? He had moral dilemmas from killing a troll? Shit that does not bode well for "dark" Harry hahah, hell thats Dumbledore levels of SERVE THE LIGHT. Dude seriously the tropes... Don't just mash EVERY trait onto Harry, you re just making him a plot device not a person. He has too many opposing views:
Privet Drive: "Everyone on this street will remember me, i will have my vengence!"
Troll Fight: "Oh god i killed im a murderer how will i live with myself... no no i must justify this to myself or i wont sleep for a YEAR."
What? So what is he? Crucio when i hate you or every life is presious no matter what.
Freedom or Order? I though he wanted Freedom, that's chaos not order. What up?
3/3 c5 GloriouSin
The biggest problem in writing with tropes only is lack of cohesion.
1. You got Hermione who Harry comments is "not" insufferable for once. What? He literally only SAW her 3-10 times and NEVER spoke to her.
2. Dumbles has genuine dementia (or rather the author has, as always with kid writers), one moment he is like "Hmmm i observed Harry for 3 months and he talked this and that input conclusion taken out of asshole therefor he is like Tom Riddle 100%; the next time he is all "Well young Harry knows some kickshit spells, i wonder when and where did he learn them, i wonder did some mysterious someone teach him during those 3 months he totally disappeared from the radar before school?
I know it's bashing and bashing is what kid authors do and it ALWAYS makes the author seem like a very sad person but still, at least keep consistency in your kiddie-bashing if you must do it.
3. Snape is just... kiddie bashed. He acts neptic ;p like he is not vaguely reasonably and discreetly-ish spiteful and hateful; instead he is a raging mad lunatic.
4. On the topic of cartoonish characters, i mean the good old cartoonishly evil Vernon and Petunia are here of course. After reading so many fics i genuinely lough now when i hear the word abuse of when i see parents beat their kids. Can't treat it seriously anymore.
5. Sorting hat poem not song. You sing a song, he recites it in the books and movies, it's a poem.
6. Reducto works on inanimate objects only, but your universe i guess.
7. Everyone masturbating to Harry (ooooh mr Potter this is the most powerful wand in the galaxy ever crafted by mortal or divine hands!) and Olivander is Uncle Ben for some reason (i honestly dont mind that, just funny for him to say things like that)
8. "I am ambidextrous sir." One of the ways you recognise bad OP tropes is overabundance of minor but useful skills that the character wont EVER need OR (more often) WORSE, not use them when needed.
9. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
Boring Trope and overused in EVERYWHERE. Also reading
Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
for the 5000th time despite being on page 5 is... tiring.
10. Occulumency masturbation. Enough said. About as overused and tiring as Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
11. "I am sssorry little one, but I am not really interested in a sssnake right now. I ssshall visit you in the future and keep you company though!"
Sigh. Why give him the Parseltounge NOW if you will be cockblocking it until its "plot viable". Just introduce this scene later. And Parrseltongue too.
12. Karate buf street fighter Harry is also one of the top retarded and hillarious tropes. I mean imagine having magic and wasting shitloads of time on physical training that you could spend on magic. No chance you would not be 100x more dangerous than the retards that waste time training physically like some braindead jock.
In the real world The only reason to train your body is vanity and an incredibly brittle ego, and thats in a world WITHOUT magic but with hugely inferior crappy technology. When you are a mage... why? Just learn to make a potion that will make you buff forever, why waste time acting like a braindead moron?
And thats just the first 6 pages ;p damn. Well it can only be uphill from now and its not a horrible read as long as you take a huge breath and go take a lough every 2 chapters ;p
The biggest problem in writing with tropes only is lack of cohesion.
1. You got Hermione who Harry comments is "not" insufferable for once. What? He literally only SAW her 3-10 times and NEVER spoke to her.
2. Dumbles has genuine dementia (or rather the author has, as always with kid writers), one moment he is like "Hmmm i observed Harry for 3 months and he talked this and that input conclusion taken out of asshole therefor he is like Tom Riddle 100%; the next time he is all "Well young Harry knows some kickshit spells, i wonder when and where did he learn them, i wonder did some mysterious someone teach him during those 3 months he totally disappeared from the radar before school?
I know it's bashing and bashing is what kid authors do and it ALWAYS makes the author seem like a very sad person but still, at least keep consistency in your kiddie-bashing if you must do it.
3. Snape is just... kiddie bashed. He acts neptic ;p like he is not vaguely reasonably and discreetly-ish spiteful and hateful; instead he is a raging mad lunatic.
4. On the topic of cartoonish characters, i mean the good old cartoonishly evil Vernon and Petunia are here of course. After reading so many fics i genuinely lough now when i hear the word abuse of when i see parents beat their kids. Can't treat it seriously anymore.
5. Sorting hat poem not song. You sing a song, he recites it in the books and movies, it's a poem.
6. Reducto works on inanimate objects only, but your universe i guess.
7. Everyone masturbating to Harry (ooooh mr Potter this is the most powerful wand in the galaxy ever crafted by mortal or divine hands!) and Olivander is Uncle Ben for some reason (i honestly dont mind that, just funny for him to say things like that)
8. "I am ambidextrous sir." One of the ways you recognise bad OP tropes is overabundance of minor but useful skills that the character wont EVER need OR (more often) WORSE, not use them when needed.
9. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
Boring Trope and overused in EVERYWHERE. Also reading
Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
for the 5000th time despite being on page 5 is... tiring.
10. Occulumency masturbation. Enough said. About as overused and tiring as Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace. Mind Palace.
11. "I am sssorry little one, but I am not really interested in a sssnake right now. I ssshall visit you in the future and keep you company though!"
Sigh. Why give him the Parseltounge NOW if you will be cockblocking it until its "plot viable". Just introduce this scene later. And Parrseltongue too.
12. Karate buf street fighter Harry is also one of the top retarded and hillarious tropes. I mean imagine having magic and wasting shitloads of time on physical training that you could spend on magic. No chance you would not be 100x more dangerous than the retards that waste time training physically like some braindead jock.
In the real world The only reason to train your body is vanity and an incredibly brittle ego, and thats in a world WITHOUT magic but with hugely inferior crappy technology. When you are a mage... why? Just learn to make a potion that will make you buff forever, why waste time acting like a braindead moron?
And thats just the first 6 pages ;p damn. Well it can only be uphill from now and its not a horrible read as long as you take a huge breath and go take a lough every 2 chapters ;p
2/28 c17 AzureDragon363
"at a somewhat darkish apothecary in Kockturn Alley" lmfaooooooooooooooo "Kockturn", anyways, fic is great so far
"at a somewhat darkish apothecary in Kockturn Alley" lmfaooooooooooooooo "Kockturn", anyways, fic is great so far
2/21 c33 Isharioth666
Hmm kinda against the fleurship with that chapter.
forgivin her seems kinda wrong after her behaviour
Hmm kinda against the fleurship with that chapter.
forgivin her seems kinda wrong after her behaviour
2/19 c101 WickedOne94
This has been one of the BEST novels i have read so far. There are a few spelling and grammar issues in the latter half of this story, apart from that, WELL DONE Author! This will remain on my fav list and I will watch for more material from you.
This has been one of the BEST novels i have read so far. There are a few spelling and grammar issues in the latter half of this story, apart from that, WELL DONE Author! This will remain on my fav list and I will watch for more material from you.
2/15 c34 haha.plogue
Now I remember why I didn't read or stop reading it. Harry is a Ultimate simp. I mean I would gladly accept if Harry made the first to ask forgiveness and even an explanation but it wasn't his fault and he has no reason to explain himself to her. This is just a cheap way to make a bond for them to get closer. I mean what do you think would happened if he didn't explain? well expected this wouldn't be Harry/Fluer but it would make Harry explore other women and for him to find proper reason why he wanted Fluer.
And forgive me but who cares if it makes her angry. I really hate this because it is a cheap way and really make Harry even more than a Simp. This is more like a dog who can't wag his tail to his mistress anymore and therefore he is sad.
This would have been a good chance to explore other things for Harry and even for Fluer. I mean this would be chance to explore Fluer while she is 'angry' at Harry. She is not a bad person but you could have shown why she was angry not for me to read that of her saying 'I WAS ANGRY.' and during and after the first she would have gain interest because she is shown how powerful harry is and realize that how bad he was being treaten. Yes this would also shown how hard Harry is being challenge. And you could use this part explore the friendship of Harry with Daphne and Susan because they are on his side and if you want you could have use this for Susan to conflict with herself. AND BEST PART OF THIS? This would been a chance for FLUER PERSPECTIVE.
AHHHH! really so many miss chance and the best part of all this would be the Yule Ball and Second Round. At the Yule Ball could be use where Fluer see that Harry is handsome made her more interested at him and see the bias of the Hogwarts. Why? because you the Author can use this chance for Harry not to be seen by everyone anymore after the fight of Krum and has been seen during the first round. So many chances.
The second best part is the second round. Oh what a beautiful for it to see or read where Fluer angry, fearful, scared because she could not save her little sister but somewhat hopeful that the other two champions could or would save her little sister not Harry because she was angry and just a little boy in her mind but then seeing Krum appeared with the person he was to save and no Gabrielle her hope died a little then Diggory with his person to be save but still her little sister wasn't their hopeless and angry she didn't think anyone [Especially at Harry because why should she] anymore would save her little sister but there at the lake Harry appeared and in his arms were the person he had to save and her little sister. Shock beyond but also beyond happy. I just wrote this but still lack many things but still This would have shown that Harry is kind and it force her to remember how they met. This would be a wonderful chance for them to bond. You the author could use this chance for Fluer to ask forgiveness for her angry and guilt. This would have shown that Fluer while times be arrogant is not beyond to be grateful and asking for forgiveness. and you the author can use this chance for Harry to explain heck if you really want to ask for forgiveness this would work because it would give a chance to explain why he didn't tell her because SHE HAS SEEN THE WAY THE SCHOOL TREAT HARRY.
I really hate really, really hate that you written Harry to ask for forgiveness this quick. HIM! when he didn't do anything. This would shown two things. 1 Harry just wants to bang Fluer. He just wants to have sex with her. 2. As long as your beautiful Harry could forgive you easily.
Thats just WHY? I REALLY MEAN WHY SHOULD HE ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FIRST? I love your story and re reading it again it was wonderful reading. But this? It was like I wasn't reading your Harry.
Now I remember why I didn't read or stop reading it. Harry is a Ultimate simp. I mean I would gladly accept if Harry made the first to ask forgiveness and even an explanation but it wasn't his fault and he has no reason to explain himself to her. This is just a cheap way to make a bond for them to get closer. I mean what do you think would happened if he didn't explain? well expected this wouldn't be Harry/Fluer but it would make Harry explore other women and for him to find proper reason why he wanted Fluer.
And forgive me but who cares if it makes her angry. I really hate this because it is a cheap way and really make Harry even more than a Simp. This is more like a dog who can't wag his tail to his mistress anymore and therefore he is sad.
This would have been a good chance to explore other things for Harry and even for Fluer. I mean this would be chance to explore Fluer while she is 'angry' at Harry. She is not a bad person but you could have shown why she was angry not for me to read that of her saying 'I WAS ANGRY.' and during and after the first she would have gain interest because she is shown how powerful harry is and realize that how bad he was being treaten. Yes this would also shown how hard Harry is being challenge. And you could use this part explore the friendship of Harry with Daphne and Susan because they are on his side and if you want you could have use this for Susan to conflict with herself. AND BEST PART OF THIS? This would been a chance for FLUER PERSPECTIVE.
AHHHH! really so many miss chance and the best part of all this would be the Yule Ball and Second Round. At the Yule Ball could be use where Fluer see that Harry is handsome made her more interested at him and see the bias of the Hogwarts. Why? because you the Author can use this chance for Harry not to be seen by everyone anymore after the fight of Krum and has been seen during the first round. So many chances.
The second best part is the second round. Oh what a beautiful for it to see or read where Fluer angry, fearful, scared because she could not save her little sister but somewhat hopeful that the other two champions could or would save her little sister not Harry because she was angry and just a little boy in her mind but then seeing Krum appeared with the person he was to save and no Gabrielle her hope died a little then Diggory with his person to be save but still her little sister wasn't their hopeless and angry she didn't think anyone [Especially at Harry because why should she] anymore would save her little sister but there at the lake Harry appeared and in his arms were the person he had to save and her little sister. Shock beyond but also beyond happy. I just wrote this but still lack many things but still This would have shown that Harry is kind and it force her to remember how they met. This would be a wonderful chance for them to bond. You the author could use this chance for Fluer to ask forgiveness for her angry and guilt. This would have shown that Fluer while times be arrogant is not beyond to be grateful and asking for forgiveness. and you the author can use this chance for Harry to explain heck if you really want to ask for forgiveness this would work because it would give a chance to explain why he didn't tell her because SHE HAS SEEN THE WAY THE SCHOOL TREAT HARRY.
I really hate really, really hate that you written Harry to ask for forgiveness this quick. HIM! when he didn't do anything. This would shown two things. 1 Harry just wants to bang Fluer. He just wants to have sex with her. 2. As long as your beautiful Harry could forgive you easily.
Thats just WHY? I REALLY MEAN WHY SHOULD HE ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FIRST? I love your story and re reading it again it was wonderful reading. But this? It was like I wasn't reading your Harry.
2/7 c8 1Thoughtful Bean
The term "mind palace" is really a misnomer. Since humans evolved in an age where knowing where things were located spatially (sources of water, hunting areas, crop areas, etc) and having to memorize how things looked (poisonous plants vs edible plants, how different animals looked when they were going to attack vs run, etc), the human brain has evolved to store information spatially and visually (versus trying to memorize words on a page via rote memorization). So if you use a spatial location you're familiar with (e.g. your house), you can store visual representations of things you need to remember in different areas of a place you already know quite well due to familiarity. You don't actually "create a mind palace" as such, and you definitely don't try and just increase it's size (usually it's much easier to use different locations you're familiar with, for Harry Potter it'd be different locations at Hogwarts, where he grew up, different shops around Diagon Alley etc.). Hopefully if you use this memorization technique in the future you can use it more accurately!
1Thoughtful BeanThe term "mind palace" is really a misnomer. Since humans evolved in an age where knowing where things were located spatially (sources of water, hunting areas, crop areas, etc) and having to memorize how things looked (poisonous plants vs edible plants, how different animals looked when they were going to attack vs run, etc), the human brain has evolved to store information spatially and visually (versus trying to memorize words on a page via rote memorization). So if you use a spatial location you're familiar with (e.g. your house), you can store visual representations of things you need to remember in different areas of a place you already know quite well due to familiarity. You don't actually "create a mind palace" as such, and you definitely don't try and just increase it's size (usually it's much easier to use different locations you're familiar with, for Harry Potter it'd be different locations at Hogwarts, where he grew up, different shops around Diagon Alley etc.). Hopefully if you use this memorization technique in the future you can use it more accurately!
2/2 c4 Careena1
Trust you? Why should je trust you when you're thé reason when he was abused and abandoned? It would be good if hé doesn't wasn't to Lille you like Voldemort.
Trust you? Why should je trust you when you're thé reason when he was abused and abandoned? It would be good if hé doesn't wasn't to Lille you like Voldemort.