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for Mach Rush

1/12 c1 19Burningblaze05
Formula 1!

*Insert Frantic heavy breathing here*
11/4/2021 c1 9AndTails
A great start! Certainly an interesting twist on the Sonic racing genre. I definitely enjoyed the detail.

Excellent work!
10/25/2021 c1 2k+Hawki
-I'm mixed on this. Intentional or otherwise, the writing really skews to a younger audience - simple characters uttering simple dialogue, engaged in a simple plot with simple writing. Which, okay, sure, a younger audience is Sonic's core audience at the end of the day, but the result is that the chapter lacks a lot of 'oomph.'

That said, what doesn't work regardless is the case of proper nouns being thrown around without context - FEISAR, Qirex, Auricom...that, and given that this apparently takes place in its own continuity, the reader's thrown into the deep end. Granted, that context doesn't have to be there from the start, but taking the chapter as is, the dearth of context is still noted.

-"...and blitzed past the rival hedgehog, Shadow, if the pre-season advertisments were anything to go by."

This sentence reads awkwardly. The implication is that Shadow isn't actually Sonic's rival, but rather is only being made out to be his rival through advertising. Which is fine, arguably kind of interesting, but it doesn't actually delve into Sonic's mindset. Does he see Shadow as a rival, or not? Because taking it as writ, the implication that he does see Shadow as a rival, but only because ads are telling him he is. Which again, could be interesting, if you're trying to depict Sonic as lacking agency, but I'm not sure if that's the case.

-"...the Echidna in the..."

Don't know why "Echidna" is capitalized here, when "hedgehog" is uncapitalized earlier.

Overall, mixed. There's potential in here somewhere (at the very least, it's arguably a cousin to the Sonic Riders series), but there's a lot holding it back.
10/25/2021 c1 4Singerj199
A fun way to kick things off for sure! Sticking Sonic in a vehicle (be it even a spaceship) is usually a turn-off, but you kept up a great energy that made the idea much more palatable.

I think you could maybe incorporate a bit more detail in the vehicles themselves as well as the surroundings though. I think doing that would really help to amp up this project.

But yeah, I absolutely loved Sonic’s personality in this, even it was only displayed openly for a short time. Beyond that, I think you did a great job of showing Sonic’s personality in the actual race and while there was no dialogue between the two, the rivalry with Shadow and Sonic was abundantly apparent and fun to read.

Think you got a follow from ole boy here… I’m interested to see where all this goes
10/25/2021 c1 9Perturbo
Interesting premise for a fanfic, interested to see where this goes! I hope you write more than just one chapter for this lol

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