for Lost Artworks (V2)12/4/2021 c1 TITAN URANUS
If you wanted to make the MC likable you shouldn't have made him a complete idiot.
He saw kids being experimented on in a shady facility, he snuck into said facility and then stayed with a piece of shit who knowingly worked for people experimenting on children, deadly experiments, because he got shanked by one of the kids and he had the gall to act like taking the blame is one great achievent.
Already the silent is more level headed and likable than him.
You basically wrote the MC as that guy who sees a fight going on and randomly decides to inserts himself into the situation to play hero and gets his hit kicked because he is in fact a weakling with a big ego.
One of the worst beginnings I've ever seen, cementing your MC as a pathetic, spineless, egotistic brat.
If you wanted to make the MC likable you shouldn't have made him a complete idiot.
He saw kids being experimented on in a shady facility, he snuck into said facility and then stayed with a piece of shit who knowingly worked for people experimenting on children, deadly experiments, because he got shanked by one of the kids and he had the gall to act like taking the blame is one great achievent.
Already the silent is more level headed and likable than him.
You basically wrote the MC as that guy who sees a fight going on and randomly decides to inserts himself into the situation to play hero and gets his hit kicked because he is in fact a weakling with a big ego.
One of the worst beginnings I've ever seen, cementing your MC as a pathetic, spineless, egotistic brat.
11/27/2021 c12 
57ShadowPillow
Wooooah. That last line. Is he somehow related to the seal on the Dark Wings? This isn't good. This chapter already was crazy – the fact that this Ich guy knew about Nagi already – but then all this, and apparently he knows something more about Nagi than we know. This isn't good.
But that was one heck of a chapter. Reveal after reveal. Keep up the good work.
57ShadowPillowWooooah. That last line. Is he somehow related to the seal on the Dark Wings? This isn't good. This chapter already was crazy – the fact that this Ich guy knew about Nagi already – but then all this, and apparently he knows something more about Nagi than we know. This isn't good.
But that was one heck of a chapter. Reveal after reveal. Keep up the good work.
11/21/2021 c11 ShadowPillow
That guest reviewer. ':) Fun when people complain about the basic premise of the story. I for one appreciate Nagi, this dude.
I like how he just knows how to picklock in this version. It makes sense. I wonder if Kosuke was trying to tell him more than just "magic can create recognition, as magic is created by recognition"? Implying something more about magic itself? Or if Nagi was just reading it too deep and so didn't get it? Or maybe he just has so many strands of different knowledge to connect, from the Persona verse, the Dark and Hikari story with the Dark Wings, the Dark Hour, and now the Second Hand of Time that Kosuke's explanation wasn't very useful in making the pieces come together.
I wonder too what Hikari was up to and why Daisuke couldn't be seen... This feels like an anime thing I might have forgotten about, but I'm still deathly curious. Was it something with the Second Hand of Time?
This new plot is really interesting.
That guest reviewer. ':) Fun when people complain about the basic premise of the story. I for one appreciate Nagi, this dude.
I like how he just knows how to picklock in this version. It makes sense. I wonder if Kosuke was trying to tell him more than just "magic can create recognition, as magic is created by recognition"? Implying something more about magic itself? Or if Nagi was just reading it too deep and so didn't get it? Or maybe he just has so many strands of different knowledge to connect, from the Persona verse, the Dark and Hikari story with the Dark Wings, the Dark Hour, and now the Second Hand of Time that Kosuke's explanation wasn't very useful in making the pieces come together.
I wonder too what Hikari was up to and why Daisuke couldn't be seen... This feels like an anime thing I might have forgotten about, but I'm still deathly curious. Was it something with the Second Hand of Time?
This new plot is really interesting.
11/13/2021 c1 Guest
Why a self insert do you realise how cringe that you has plenty of persona characters to choose from but you go with a oc so god damn disappointing.
Why a self insert do you realise how cringe that you has plenty of persona characters to choose from but you go with a oc so god damn disappointing.
11/14/2021 c9 ShadowPillow
*about why he broke into that facility in the first place. And how he knew to break into it. Hmm. And there's a budding mystery here too. I like how the crossover lends to a new mystery of connected rules to everyone inverse – it feels like there's always more to discover.
(Accidentally hit the review button with my thumb before I was ready to submit, that's why this message got split into two.)
Keep up the good work. I really like the rewrite so far. It feels like you're cooking up a more dense plot, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it'll go.
*about why he broke into that facility in the first place. And how he knew to break into it. Hmm. And there's a budding mystery here too. I like how the crossover lends to a new mystery of connected rules to everyone inverse – it feels like there's always more to discover.
(Accidentally hit the review button with my thumb before I was ready to submit, that's why this message got split into two.)
Keep up the good work. I really like the rewrite so far. It feels like you're cooking up a more dense plot, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it'll go.
11/14/2021 c10 ShadowPillow
Hohoho, this is an interesting plot you're spinning up. Unfortunately, Nagi knows less than this guy fears, but with all that he does know he might soon draw more attention to himself. After all, they might start asking more questions about ehy
Hohoho, this is an interesting plot you're spinning up. Unfortunately, Nagi knows less than this guy fears, but with all that he does know he might soon draw more attention to himself. After all, they might start asking more questions about ehy
11/6/2021 c6 IsekaiFanBoi
I just wanna know if Nagi gets his own persona and the wildcard of if he's gonna have the same dilemma as the original version.
I just wanna know if Nagi gets his own persona and the wildcard of if he's gonna have the same dilemma as the original version.
10/31/2021 c2 IsekaiFanBoi
That awakening kind of makes it seem as if he saw a different timeline but I'm wondering if it's like Persona 5 in which the present is slowly unveiled through a retelling of the past.
That awakening kind of makes it seem as if he saw a different timeline but I'm wondering if it's like Persona 5 in which the present is slowly unveiled through a retelling of the past.