for Can You Take the Jump?10/5/2024 c82 Hm
The biggest problem with this is how short-sighted it all is. Sure, she might get rid of the immediate threat of Tom going down this path, but the entire thing is for naught when the next Dark Lord comes along spouting the same bigoted tripe because the only one whose mind she even tried to change on the issue of blood purity is Tom. And then only to get herself closer to him so that, ultimately, she can kill him.
And that's leaving aside the fact that it would be difficult to believe her about being a seer when she was unable to save her own family (as far as the Death Eaters know), unable to stop her sister from being injured, unable to foresee how many would be massacred by the ministry.
Also, you glossed over that a bit in your desire to write lots of explicit scenes between Sirius and Hermione. Which is a whole 'nother issue when she's time traveling and admits to us that she was thirty-seven when Remus Lupin was *four* so that basically means she's assaulted a kid - because the first time you have Sirius and Hermione sleeping together, he's still a minor. You even have Hermione acknowledge the distinction between her true age and her body's age. (You also have her acknowledge that eighteen is still a child, so no, that's not an argument that can be made to excuse her sleeping with a sixteen year old kid.)
You have the masses simply allowing a change of power from a violent coup without repercussions here. You've had mere months pass, but it seems highly unlikely that a public so enraged as to be willing to storm and overturn the government would be so laissez-faire as to allow the continuation of the horrors of that same government to continue 'in the shadows' - which as Lily points out, they aren't really since everyone knows they're on the pureblood estates.
This strains the bounds of suspension of disbelief. Having all the characters tell me Hermione's a genius except for the characters who are presented as being prejudiced does not make it true. There's nothing genius about this plan. There was nothing genius in alienating Petunia as a child - which she did extremely successfully, given that Petunia felt her to be a stranger squatting in their house - and certainly not in opening a brothel while posing as a sex worker. There's nothing genius in alienating Alastor Moody or in trying to make Albus Dumbledore a pawn who has to reveal his hand to Moody so early in the game. There's nothing genius in Hermione's puerile attempts to manipulate Tom by bowing and scraping - *especially* not after he's already said that he can see that she's like him when it comes to emotions. There's far too many holes for Hermione to come across as remotely "genius" in any of her plans, and simply stating repeatedly as you do that "no one can comprehend" and "even Dumbledore couldn't come up with this", et cetera, isn't good development.
This is what is meant by "show don't tell" - *show* me that she's a genius, don't just *tell* me through the other characters' words that she is.
The biggest problem with this is how short-sighted it all is. Sure, she might get rid of the immediate threat of Tom going down this path, but the entire thing is for naught when the next Dark Lord comes along spouting the same bigoted tripe because the only one whose mind she even tried to change on the issue of blood purity is Tom. And then only to get herself closer to him so that, ultimately, she can kill him.
And that's leaving aside the fact that it would be difficult to believe her about being a seer when she was unable to save her own family (as far as the Death Eaters know), unable to stop her sister from being injured, unable to foresee how many would be massacred by the ministry.
Also, you glossed over that a bit in your desire to write lots of explicit scenes between Sirius and Hermione. Which is a whole 'nother issue when she's time traveling and admits to us that she was thirty-seven when Remus Lupin was *four* so that basically means she's assaulted a kid - because the first time you have Sirius and Hermione sleeping together, he's still a minor. You even have Hermione acknowledge the distinction between her true age and her body's age. (You also have her acknowledge that eighteen is still a child, so no, that's not an argument that can be made to excuse her sleeping with a sixteen year old kid.)
You have the masses simply allowing a change of power from a violent coup without repercussions here. You've had mere months pass, but it seems highly unlikely that a public so enraged as to be willing to storm and overturn the government would be so laissez-faire as to allow the continuation of the horrors of that same government to continue 'in the shadows' - which as Lily points out, they aren't really since everyone knows they're on the pureblood estates.
This strains the bounds of suspension of disbelief. Having all the characters tell me Hermione's a genius except for the characters who are presented as being prejudiced does not make it true. There's nothing genius about this plan. There was nothing genius in alienating Petunia as a child - which she did extremely successfully, given that Petunia felt her to be a stranger squatting in their house - and certainly not in opening a brothel while posing as a sex worker. There's nothing genius in alienating Alastor Moody or in trying to make Albus Dumbledore a pawn who has to reveal his hand to Moody so early in the game. There's nothing genius in Hermione's puerile attempts to manipulate Tom by bowing and scraping - *especially* not after he's already said that he can see that she's like him when it comes to emotions. There's far too many holes for Hermione to come across as remotely "genius" in any of her plans, and simply stating repeatedly as you do that "no one can comprehend" and "even Dumbledore couldn't come up with this", et cetera, isn't good development.
This is what is meant by "show don't tell" - *show* me that she's a genius, don't just *tell* me through the other characters' words that she is.
10/3/2024 c1 3t-phonehom3
Hey, I dont know if you’ll see this but someone has post a reply promoting child porn on your story. I cant do anything because they’re using a guest account so I’d thought I’d let you know.
Hey, I dont know if you’ll see this but someone has post a reply promoting child porn on your story. I cant do anything because they’re using a guest account so I’d thought I’d let you know.
9/22/2024 c82 death390
Good overall, though I do hope it's on the wind down to the risked, I can't see this outgoing much without issues.
Good overall, though I do hope it's on the wind down to the risked, I can't see this outgoing much without issues.
8/20/2024 c37 Helleborus
This is my new favorite story! Honestly! I’ve been reading it for the past couple of days and it’s really addictive. Well done
This is my new favorite story! Honestly! I’ve been reading it for the past couple of days and it’s really addictive. Well done
3/20/2024 c76 Guest
Wow
Wow
3/6/2024 c75 zeeksmom
I don't mean this harshly, but I recognize there's probably no way you can take this well. My question is: how much longer IS this story? You're almost half a million words in, and things are still developing, new subplots are cropping up, and the story shows no sign of drawing to a close. For me, it's starting to feel . . . overwhelming, is the only word I can use. I think I'm going to give up because I'm old enough that I could die before you finish it. I mean that quite literally. So, this is my stop and I'm getting off the train. Good luck!
I don't mean this harshly, but I recognize there's probably no way you can take this well. My question is: how much longer IS this story? You're almost half a million words in, and things are still developing, new subplots are cropping up, and the story shows no sign of drawing to a close. For me, it's starting to feel . . . overwhelming, is the only word I can use. I think I'm going to give up because I'm old enough that I could die before you finish it. I mean that quite literally. So, this is my stop and I'm getting off the train. Good luck!
2/4/2024 c61 KatjaV
I know this chapter was for Lily, but I liked Regulus so much. Development of his character is fabulous. Keep up the good work, you are awesome!
I know this chapter was for Lily, but I liked Regulus so much. Development of his character is fabulous. Keep up the good work, you are awesome!
2/3/2024 c50 KatjaV
Oh man, I am binge reading this fic and when you say that we are approaching the final arc, in my head, I am already planing on bringe reading it again.
I love how you develop characters, especially Lucius. He is my favourite here (aparat from Hermione and Sirius, they are a given).
Oh man, I am binge reading this fic and when you say that we are approaching the final arc, in my head, I am already planing on bringe reading it again.
I love how you develop characters, especially Lucius. He is my favourite here (aparat from Hermione and Sirius, they are a given).
2/3/2024 c45 KatjaV
I don't think it is a filler chapter. It is amazing, as always. Life is not constantly eventful, so it's kind of nice to read a story which goes at normal speed. Againcongrats, you are great writer!
I don't think it is a filler chapter. It is amazing, as always. Life is not constantly eventful, so it's kind of nice to read a story which goes at normal speed. Againcongrats, you are great writer!
2/2/2024 c33 KatjaV
You write so realistically it breaks my heart. Congrats, you are an amazing writer!
You write so realistically it breaks my heart. Congrats, you are an amazing writer!
2/2/2024 c23 KatjaV
You are simply amazing. I am devouring the chapters at rapid speed and I fear the time, when there will be no more. Keep up the good work, we appreciate you! So much!
You are simply amazing. I am devouring the chapters at rapid speed and I fear the time, when there will be no more. Keep up the good work, we appreciate you! So much!
1/28/2024 c74 ari6559
Incredible story. Couldn't stop reading the last two days. You've created a lot of depth to all the characters and relationships. Though really pray Hermione and Sirius get solved again Sirius trust was so beautiful I hope he learns it was not in vane! Thanks for writing this story and sharing it:)
Incredible story. Couldn't stop reading the last two days. You've created a lot of depth to all the characters and relationships. Though really pray Hermione and Sirius get solved again Sirius trust was so beautiful I hope he learns it was not in vane! Thanks for writing this story and sharing it:)
1/22/2024 c45 M
I really enjoyed your story so far. It is one of the best I read so far. Thanks for sharing.
I really enjoyed your story so far. It is one of the best I read so far. Thanks for sharing.