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for Mutant and Proud

1/11/2022 c1 2al-mansur
I've looked over some of your previous work before coming back to this one because I wanted to get a more complete picture of you as a writer/author. I see potential, but I also see a lot of bad habits that writers pick up along the way. First some solid title choices for your stories, unfortunately this is negated by the story blurbs running out of space. This seems to be a regular occurrence, one good way to mitigate it is to follow the K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple and Short) methodology. You want to limit yourself to, on average, three sentences or one paragraph for the blurb. You can do less or more but keeping your blurbs within that limit will help convey as summary of your fanfiction to a potential reader. Second is your "paragraphs" are way too short and seem to rely on run on sentences. What I mean is that usually a paragraph is three sentences, three complete thoughts, at the least and can actually get bigger if you stay on one topic. Third is dialogue seems scattered for lack of a better term. Sometimes I have no idea who is talking in some of your earlier work and you need to treat dialogue like a sentence. Remember periods, commas, and other major punctuation marks are your friend. You have avoided some of the dialogue mistakes here in the first chapter, so well done. Your very descriptive and I love that but if you can tighten that talent your stories would be a lot better reads and get even more attention. Again I have to stress this is just my constructive criticism.
12/18/2021 c1 musizlover2008
Both series are the opposite of each other, but yet soo similar. To ask why are humans fight each other is to ask why wolves hunt. Its in their nature.

To us, someone who is not the same as our species is treated as an outcast and rejected, hostility follows soon after. It is imbedded in our minds to follow nature rules and reject things we perceive as a weakness and source of inferiority.

In the X-Men universe, Mutants are a product of Celestial experimentation and are conditioned to evolve with superpowers in order to protect a dormant Celestial being growing inside the Earth, most of humanity rejects such people and leads to many conflicts that spiraled into madness. MHA represents how time and attrition eventually allowed superpowered humans to become dominant while those perceived as "quirkless" are treated as outcasts instead, causing the irrational hatred to remain even after 200 years.

In my opinion, Magneto would be horrified by such an outcome, sure he wanted Mutants to become dominant, but to see them behaving like the terrible humans with their awful prejudice that tormented his life and his people, subjected to children who don't deserve it, watching them getting rejected and treated like freaks, its like things have never changed, only switched sides.
12/18/2021 c1 19Yarheeguy
Well the huge differance between MHA and X-Men with relationships with those superpowers is based on one major thing.

Quirks became dominant.

MHA is a world where 80% of the population has quirks unlike the X-Men world which would probably have less than 20, maybe even less than 10, thus people in power would be those with quirks. just like in X-Men MHA did have a fair share of chaos when quirks were discovered and hated upon and time passes and became more accepted.

But it doesn't mean quirks are completely perfect since there are still some quirkless people who hate quirks and people with quirks being discriminated, mostly those who are more likely or eventually become villains. Spinner, Toga and Shinso are good examples.

Overall to give you a clear idea, if non-quirk people had the same ideas and make the same decisions as those form X-Men, they are pretty much facing human extinction on purpose.

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