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for Overlord:Breakthrough

1/7 c5 Inocensio Mamani
I like how the story goes, one or another mistake but it is a fanfic. So far everything seems to be like an overlord story, balanced.
1/5 c4 3BoombaTheSaint
Permit me to add a little pressure upon your shoulders: Allowing the existence of a great god isn’t really that important, retelling allows leeway in this cases, but there better be a more profound reason for Slane citizens’ zealot-like demeanor. And the ongoing war with the elves.

Why let it carry on for so long? Why allow the Slane citizens see other sentient races as lessers? Why is one of the greatest figures in the Slane Theocracy not recognized by the populace? Don’t chuck it off as a disguise because I’m not gonna buy it.

Of course, you could redo the whole Slane Theocracy and make them less fanatical...more understanding. Realistic.

And about Zesshi, is she still half elf...a rape child? If so, why did the fire god allow one of his friend’s descendant get raped and still allow the aggressor to live? So many questions...

But the most important question of all, why is his honorific; Lord? I expected something more respectable like his 'holiness' or 'reverence'. Something that corresponds to his GOD title. Referring to a god in a same way you would refer a noble is highly disrespectful.

I might be projecting a tiny bit.

Anyways, good luck.

The Saint.
1/5 c4 ILikeGoodStories
Aaaaaaand lost interest... The "great gods" were humans, they died of old age the only one to survive was surshana because... Well he was undead, then the greed kings killed him, why there is still one alive? Well just another shitty self insert oc player story to ignore.
1/5 c5 denisegalante1009
I like to see where this goes.
1/4 c1 denisegalante1009
Is the next chapter coming soon?
1/1 c2 denisegalante1009
I do want to say about Rubedo she isn’t the floor guardian of the 8th floor that would be Victim though she has been stated to be the most powerful being in Nazarick and it has been implied that she is some sort of mechanical being and one more it’s also implied by Albedo that she may be the most loyal NOC out of all of them as she would listen to orders from the Supreme Beings but would listen to orders from her fellow NPCs including her sister.
1/1 c3 denisegalante1009
Interesting.
1/1 c3 3Sanadan
this is cool so far, I like how u changed the very beginning of his journey without anything too crazy. But idk what ur blurb meant so that could be smth to look forward to.
12/31/2021 c1 1Drcaus
Awesome thanks
12/31/2021 c1 1Zamscott
nice you used my used my idea. but now I'm curious on who the enemy is. would it be Zesshi, a OC or perhaps someone else.
12/30/2021 c1 Mageddon
This is an interesting concept, which Black Scripture member do you plan on using?
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