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for An Ordinary Girl

2/8 c5 47Tinalouise88
I'm glad to see that Rilla is reasonably unharmed and even though she was saved by a witch, which for Rilla is apparently a Tragedy. If Rilla doesn't want him I will gladly take her place. I am sure under the prickly overly confident exterior Ken puts on he's a nice charming dude who is really good at cuddling.

I'm with her though, going to someone's house that may not be someone you know or trust at all. Wouldn't be at the top of my list either. Especially what appears to be her mortal enemy. I spy Owen being in Toyko and Persis is still in high school(I'm assuming a bit of an age gap). I never really thought much about ages and I don't think really mentioned them yet. But Rilla 20ish in this? I look forward to what exactly has separated the Rilla from her family as well.
2/8 c5 18Alinyaalethia
Rilla, your Emily Star is shoeing! She really is very seriously determined not to like Ken, Hm? At the risk of forfeiting my feminism card, my gut instinct was that Persis got no say in mum’s guests because it was mum’s house, gender a moot point ;)

But the stubbornness definitely marks Rilla as a daughter of Anne. If Ken had called her carrots she would most definitely have cracked a slate over the guy’s head. And I’d have been okay with it. See, I don’t even really bat an eye at the lashing poor Carl gets because dark allies are not friends and Carl is standing around there with a man who makes Rilla physically nervous. That’s reason enough to be furious. The decision making is just an extra irritant. (My father did this on a minor scale the other day. Did I want lunch. Said no. Made it anyway. You can bet he got grumbling for his effort! I mean, why ask?!) And it’s a prevent reminder that even the best intentions go wrong.

But here I really feel like poor Carl just wants to avoid midsummer murder levels if dead bodies stacking up. And that doubles up when Jessy, who I read as female, also backs him up. Rilla is stubborn to a fault, and not a stone I can cast, but even so.

It occurs to me though, does Carl understand the witch apathy? Did rat bat mitzvah do that chapter? Ken has an obnoxious streak, sure, but what is the all witches are bad logic? Inherent prejudice? Did one witch once turn all fairies into toads? Do all witches cavort by moonlight a la tam o’shanter and offer up stillborn babies to the devil? I want to know! It intrigues me.

So now we have them reluctantly off to a witch house, where there might be satanic shenanigans and birth strangled barbed, or at least some eye of newt, and a mystery that escalated nicely. Who and what was in the alley? And why is it running amok in Edinburgh? Whimsically I opt for a Loch Ness monster but I feel like you have more thoughtful plans :)
2/8 c5 Andrea1984
Stolz und Vorurteil, einmal anders.
Was hat Rilla gegen Ken?
Er hat ihr das Leben gerettet, dafür kann sie ihm ruhig dankbar sein.
Auch wenn sie es nicht wahrhaben will.

Vielleicht ist Carl in dieser Geschichte der "böse", doch Rilla vertraut ihm. Zu Recht oder zu Unrecht?

Der Richtige kann nichts falsch machen und der Falsche nichts richtig.

Ich bin für Ken, eher gegen Rilla.
Bei Carl warte ich noch ab.

Vielleicht hat jemand eigentlich Rilla entführen wollen , sie jedoch im Dunkeln und in der Eile mit Miranda verwechselt? Das wäre möglich.

Bleibt nur die Frage offen: Warum?

Herzliche Grüße
2/8 c5 Curious reader
I had to laugh when Rilla told Ken no kidnapping abducting etc...So funny. Curious as to why she doesn't want her family involved? And your hint that Carl might not always be "in a way that Rilla appreciates" thats put me on edge and wondering if i should trust him or not now? Thanks for this story!
2/7 c4 Guest
Like where this is going and that it's set in Scotland. Mystery and intrigue from the start. . I suspect the shape-shifting bestie. They are always up to something, especially as he identifies as a rat. I suspect he is the one blocking yer magic, using it himself, to keep her close. He is more creepy than the witch!
2/7 c4 47Tinalouise88
So I swore I did this already, but I guess I haven't. It will be brief most likely because I am tired, and sore from dying today, but if I don't do it now, who knows when I'll get around to it.

I don't know much about Scotland at all, but I am curious just how she and Carl managed to get there and how they manage to stay there and work between all the visa stuff that happens. Did she originally come to school? I don't see a work visa for working in a bar? Unless you're going down the route of some sorta ancestry visa?

but anyway it appears was on a goose chase to find the missing Miranda, which ends in Rilla almost being last for work, and then knocked out by some sort of blast? I hope she is alright and her place of work, it would be very untimely for her workplace to be destroyed when Rent is due!
2/6 c4 Mammu
This is quick one.. What a cliffhanger! It doesn't say The witch so I wonder if it's Ken or someone else. Somehow I think someone else but we'll see. Do we also find out already what happened to Miranda? You've got me hooked! Fantasy or not, I can't wait for next chapter. Luckily for some reason week seems to go much faster than earlier :D
2/5 c4 1Alicedreamer93
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this just yet, as I stated before I was the child/tween who didn't like Harry Potter. Though this seems a bit more of an edgy fantasy than a child-friendly, wizardry world with a psychotic killer trying to come back from the dead. I also started teaching during the twilight craze, and it was not pretty...but back to the topic. Either way, it placates in my mind better than most fantasy my sister has tried to make me watch or read growing up. It's more of characters with gifts, then oh my god I'm a fairy and I have wings and I'm going to desert my mortal family and find my fairy family...or etc. I still can't tell how hidden they are to the world if they have infiltrated every corner. Though if Harry potter or twilight is still around, it must be pretty much a secret for the authors to be around to create them. The knowledge of existence, would most likely make such books and series null and void to the mysteries of such things?

I will say your writing is lovely, it always is. Your characters are vibrant, I do enjoy Carl in this he is lovely and Ken is very mysterious. Isn't it funny that we all have our own Ken, he is such an open-faced character in a way, that you can mold him into almost anything you want, as long as he has a bit of confidence? You have excellent use of diction, and supporting imagery when needed without it being too much or overly frilly.

Also my apologies I am sure this is not what you were looking for but I just spent the afternoon grading final exams. I am still in that mode it seems. Also, why do I tend to not review until the end of things or review after reading a chunk of chapters. It's easier to just sum up what I liked and how I felt than turning into a teacher! No one needs a teacher for fanfiction. I hope this is a bit of a happy medium?
2/4 c4 18Alinyaalethia
Forgive me if this isn’t long and expensive. Stuff and life and all that. But I do love a good locker room mystery and how these two set about approaching it. Also Carl being able to rattle off the vaguely religious names. With the ministerial background it’s a nice character detail.

Also enjoy Edinburgh for a setting. I was down there lots at weekends and my working geography of it was decent, do I enjoyed picturing them schlepping between different parts of the city. It’s also an excellent backdrop for sinister witches and bizarre kidnappings. My money is on someone turning into a bat and flying through the window. Probably not a vampire because it would need an invite, but if Carl can have a rat bar mitzvah, I’m sure someone out there likes bats enough to be one for life.

And then we get back to the pub of dubious reputation and if ever there were a reminder dark allies are not our friends, this is it. The thick plottens and I can’t wait to see if this brings Rilla to Miranda.
2/4 c4 DogMonday
A fairy with a zit, how exceedingly ordinary! And she does not get a seat on the bus, but has to hang on to one of the bars. And a fairy in jeans. She is truly an ordinary girl ;-).

Now more references to canon! The nickname Whiskers on-the-Moon is indirectly explained by the appearance of Miranda’s father, though thus not named. Not yet at least? And is Miranda’s disappearance possibly an elopement with the Milgrave boy? Planning for a secret wedding? And the reference which makes me most honoured is of course the mentioning of my namesake Dog Monday, although the moment referred to was maybe not the most distinguished ;-)!

We also get to know that the story takes place in Edinburgh, but Rilla’s family is from Canada. Now Carl seems more used to pounds than Rilla, and he also used the really British term Bugger. Maybe he has just been in Scotland for a longer time?

I noticed this story has a more continous flow, with a cliffhanger between each chapter. The stories by you that I read previously rather had chapters with a distinct subplot, the larger story obviously being there, but rarely with cliffhangers. Is this a conscious choice by you throughout the story and if so, does it make it different or even more difficult to write?

This brings me to this chapter’s cliffhanger. Rilla normally can feel the presence of a witch nearby but in this case she doesn’t. Has this witch managed to block that ability in Rilla? And more importantly, which witch is it? She does not think ”The witch” but ”Witch” before everything goes black, which suggests that it might not be Ken.
2/2 c4 7Parnokianlipstic
Wow, the magnificent construction of the world continues, and now the geographical location has clarified it is Edinburgh, you perfectly reflected a certain kind of intermittent dream
fatigue and a wonderfully realistic description of Rilla’s morning, we’ve all all probably had that feeling at times.
A stunning description of Mr Pryor, as LMM portrays him always so little and always in an unfavorable light, so a stunning scene where everything essential was well presented. And Carl, he's a real optimistic sunbeam.
Fascinating acton cliffhanger at the end, very intriguing.
2/2 c4 JoAnna0
I don't know how I've missed the fact that you've started a new story... I've just found it an hour ago. (Also really sorry about not writing before, I didn't mean to ghost you, it's just... life happened and I wasn't here as often as before).

After the first chapter I was a bit unsure about a fantasy Rilla story, it was a bit out of my comfort zone I think. But after chapter 4 I'm quite intrigued, so it just took half an hour of getting used to the idea ;). For now we have a good mistery, a classic "different from the family" Rilla and a few modern magic popculture references that I found incredibly funny (don't we all love poking fun at Edward The Creepy Old Stalker?). So I can't wait to read what you come up with!
2/1 c4 Andrea1984
Na wenn das mal gut geht: Miranda ist weg. Freiwillig oder entführt oder was auch immer ? Ich bin gespannt.

Mr Pryor tritt auf, damit hätte ich nicht gerechnet.

Und der Milgrave Junge also vermutlich Joe, wird wohl auch noch eine wichtige Rolle spielen.

Oder ist Ken doch der "böse" in der Geschichte ? Ich lasse mich überraschen.

Bis dato ist noch nicht allzuviel weltbewegendes passiert und es spielen nur wenige Figuren mit.

Herzliche Grüße

2/1 c3 Mammu
This chapter answered to many of my questions. I still have some but I will read on. Looking forward how and why Rilla in the end will trust Ken. Carl I still like :D

I watched this new(?) Disney movie encanto on weekend. Reminded me bit of this story because there too main character came from magical family and didn't have any power. But I rememberd that I haven't reviewed yet :)
1/28 c3 DogMonday
It seems this story is about Rilla finally being able to develop, encompass and use her hidden magical abilities, maybe with a little push from the seemingly womanizing whiskey-drinking witch. But it would not be your story if not Rilla did most of the work towards this goal herself. You know I would be awfully disappointed if her progress was staged by a man, whether with or without magical powers. .

Otherwise this chapter functions as a kind of dictionary for upcoming events. I’m surprised that the canon-timid Miranda Pryor has the guts to sneak out on her own. Or is this an act staged by the witch?
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