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5/17 c16 3Lumen del Mari
I honestly wasn't sure what to expect for this chapter, given how the last one left off. A stealth mission is very exciting. In my head, I can clearly picture Jhelnae and Aleina slinking through the shadows in their silk suits, an eerie/slightly dramatic tune playing in the background.

I'm also very interested to see what Kuhl/Sky and Ront/Yagra have seen from their respective posts, given they've seen anything at all.

... but a clean, fresh, and wild smell. Something that recalled the wide expanse of an ocean vista from a clifftop with its promise of endless possibilities. The effect was likely spell-wrought, similar to what Sylvarie had done to her lounge in the Temple of the Restful Lily, and very pleasant.

Beautifully written. I love this.

... throwing on cloaks and hoods is a poor disguise given how distinctive an aasimar and a drow are. I do read the Waterdeep Wazoo.

That article seems to ever come back to bite them. :D

... But she didn’t give up marrying a wealthy noble of Baldur’s Gate to become a barmaid like the article said. She did it for the mind-blowing sex. So, if you’ll excuse us, she is about to get ravished.

Oh my. My eyes widened just like the host's when I first read that line, but then I had a good laugh. Hold nothing back, Jhelnae! Fortune favors the bold!

... “You know we have other services to offer…,” he said.

LOL of course he'd try to pawn off more

... Had Aleina wanted, she could have used a disguise spell to hide her features.

I had actually wondered if either had that ability, and why they were not making use of it. It makes sense that they would want to hide their equipment. I guess Disguise Self doesn't allow you to change the objects you're carrying as well?

... “See the three children watching?” Jhelnae asked. “A taller girl with dark hair, a tiefling, and a dark-skinned boy?”

Them again! They just keep coming back.

... “Doesn’t he seem too much the buffoon?” she asked. “Old, out of shape, slovenly, drunk, his two young friends making him seem like the aging male desperately clinging to youth?”

I thought much the same. Suspicious.

... This made her think of Stool and Rumpadump and she hoped the little sprouts were safe as well. At least as safe as anyone could be in the Underdark.

I do appreciate the nods here and there to companions left behind in the Underdark, and those that they lost, such as Derendil and Jimjar. Very bittersweet.

... “My mother and those like Trelasarra work so hard to improve the reputation of the drow,” she said. “But any gains they make are fragile. Years and years of work can be undone with one vile act. The three we are chasing, who might be the Dock Ward killers, are drow.”

Again, lovely lines here.
And a very good cliff hanger!

... Those of you who know the module know I changed some stuff.

I know little of the module so this is all a surprise for me. That being said, I am still a little biased in that I already knew what the Sea Maidens Faire was and in particular, who it involves. So, naturally, I got excited. But I'll leave it at that so I don't accidentally spoil anything for anyone else! :D Overall, I look forward to seeing where this all leads. I think you did an excellent job of slipping in subtle clues here and there this chapter, and even the last chapter with Sky's observations.

... They just don't notice you until you are on board. In my play through we did watch the ship and nothing happened. Afterwards the DM said, "I don't know why you guys didn't just walk on board? Nothing would have stopped you."

Sounds about like, 'let's climb up this painful net instead of simply walking through the gate' LOL But yes, I agree you thought process makes much more sense. There is no way that a crew of the ship is not going to be on their guard, especially *this* crew.

You know, you really are putting me to shame the way you have been pumping out chapters lately. I'm jealous! You'd asked when I would next update...it's getting there. As you said you'd struggled with your last chapter, mine has given me equal grief (though for a different reason.) Ah. The struggles of turning gameplay to narrative LOL I'm hoping to have something ready to post by this weekend. So keep a lookout!
5/17 c16 3Makareth
Looks like Sky was right! I really like your description of the carnival; and the fog on the docks bit paints a pretty cool picture in my head.

I also loved the part with Jhelnae messing up the room XD

Great chapter, as always!
5/17 c16 2GerryWright
A lot of nice touches in this chapter. I like the ruse of a romantic encounter to get rid of the pesky host guiding Jhelnae and Aleina to their room. And the carnival was also a nice touch. It makes the whole scene feel more real and alive.

As far as I am concerned, you don't have to apologize for adding things to the published campaign. I do it all the time, even when I am DM'ing, not just when I am writing. :) And if something in the published campaign doesn't make sense, I don't see why you can't change things a little so that it makes more sense.

Your stories are very engaging, and I always wait impatiently for the next chapter/
5/10 c15 8Daxxers
I liked the Sky-Kuhl tussle. Seems quite in character for Sky to "show, not tell".

This chapter moved the story along, and quickly and amusingly gets the reader information from Sky's stories rather than writing/reading a few chapters that would have to detail her investigations. Nice summarization trick!
5/9 c15 2GerryWright
My, my! Sky does get herself into some situations! I am interested in seeing how this all works out. Despite her unorthodox methods, Sky seems to get things done.
5/3 c14 8Daxxers
Love Ront! I missed him.

Beheaded elves. That is a little grisly. Looking forward to seeing how that adventure goes sideways for Kuhl!
5/2 c14 2GerryWright
The plot thickens, and my head is spinning! I do hope that Aleina gets some sort of revenge on that rotten reporter!
5/2 c13 GerryWright
Hmmm. We are begin set up for a surprise, I suspect. What news will the orc bring?
4/29 c13 3Makareth
Oh dear. XD Love the beholderkin fight scene, and the conversation about the books. Not a terrible start to a detective business!
4/28 c13 3Lumen del Mari
- Sky and Kuhl rescue a cat from a gazer

I hadn't known that was what they were called. This should definitely be interesting!

- but the folded parchment placed on display of where it had been still advertised in flowing script, “Shocking Tales of Elven Desire, rare find and a titillating page turner!”

When I first read the chapter last night, I remember thinking, Aleina and Jhelnae would probably want that book. And then later... :D

- she didn’t have eyes of tear ducts

I think you meant, for.

- He could just see the bottom of the now open door and the hem of the store owner’s, Uza Solizeph’s, night dress and also her feet - one wearing a slipper and the other bare.

Poor thing. I do hope she finds her other slipper.

- A gray blur darted from behind one shelf of books against the far wall

So cute!

- A bolt from the side punched right through the little monster and it fell to tumble out of the air and out of Kuhl’s view.

I have to ask because I don't think this was every actually addressed in the chapter. Is it dead? What did they do with it? How did it even get there? I have so many questions!

She clutched [the cat/Nutmeg] tight against her chest

- Nutmeg immediately growled in protest. But as Sky picked her way past all the fallen books down the aisle, the cat calmed.

The idea of a cat person, carrying around a cat is extremely amusing to me.

- A game board with a stylized map of Waterdeep was on the tabletop and also four wine glasses and a bottle.

I'm assuming they are playing the Faerun version of Monopoly...but there was a split second that I thought it might be Settlers of Catan. :D I enjoyed this scene quite a bit because I think it is the first time Dariya and Bonnie have had actual screen time. Nice to know that they have been treating Fargas and Surash well!

- “It sounds…” for some reason the spasm of a grimace crossed the aasimar’s face. “Utterly fascinating.”

Poor Kuhl. Tries to do something nice for Aleina and...I imagine there might have been an eye twitch accompanying that grimace as well.

- “And last we have Shocking Tales of Elven Desire ,” Sky said, displaying their last book.
“Well, I know what I’ll be reading while you are reading about the Silver Fox,” Aleina said. “While also educating myself more about the High Forest of course.” That last bit sounded a lot like a hasty afterthought.

Nice save, Aleina.

- The four players were treated to only a few moments of this quiet bliss before a heavy tread up the stairs interrupted them and Ront entered the room. “I need to talk to you,” the orc announced in his gruff manner, then glared at Bonnie and Dariya. “Alone.”

I have been wondering what Ront has been up to. We haven't seen much of him since he met the female orc/half-orc(?) at the Yawning Portal. I can't remember precisely all the details but I know it's been a hot minute.

Of course would leave it at a cliffhanger!
Though...I fully realize in saying that, I am the pot calling the kettle black. ;)

Nice to see another chapter. The light heartedness was nice after Jhelnae's turmoil last chapter. So many things brewing the background now. Can't wait to see where it ultimately leads.
4/27 c13 8Daxxers
Ront knows how to get his way. Kuhl is way too nice.

That Tabaxi has a too much luck on her side. Suspicious.

I think you have "war" where it should be "wall".
4/25 c12 Daxxers
"Guess we'll never know what that was about." Yeah, right. More trouble.

Aleina seems a bit of a mother-hen.

Your characters are busy in this chapter:
- the Eilestraeen problem (which might be solved once the Eilestreeans learn about Jhelnae's Lolth connection - Invitation revoked!)

- they will soon appear in the newspaper?

- Gnome-demon issue

- growing relationship between Aleina and Jhelnae. Has Kuhl missed his chance with the Aasimar?

- and everything else going on with TrollSkull Manor and a detective agency, and.., and... Busy . busy!
4/22 c12 3Makareth
I like the further insight on the characters' histories. The description of the cliff-side walkway was also really cool!
4/18 c12 2GerryWright
Hmmm. The Eilistraeens are still after Jhelnae. Aleina admits that she was in danger of becoming "rich bitch". A pleasant morning walk turns into an encounter with an unknown monster in a graveyard. You put in twists and turns at a rapid rate. I can't wait to see where this all goes. ;-)
4/9 c11 8Daxxers
Jhelaea sure is popular. Thay wizards, Eilistaeens, her mom, Lolth, and Succubi. Poor girl.

Oh no! A cat in danger. We will work for free! Very funny stuff!
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