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for A Diamond in the Rough (Sneak Preview)

2/26/2022 c1 3OrangeMacawWorld
While not flawless, I will maintain my honesty (again) and say that there was much more about this story that I liked than what I disliked.

To begin with what I liked about "A Diamond in the Rough," the basic concept of an epic detailing the entirety of Jewel's life until the events of "Rio" is one that has to my knowledge, never been attempted before on the Archive, and it is one that can yield vast opportunities for character development, beautiful literary imagery, and complex set pieces throughout.

Even in the case of my writing, I will admit that I have never projected a story quite like this in its focus on Jewel. The most I have planned is the second volume of "Don't Go" and a partial sequel to it that will take place in the last three years of Jewel's life before her capture.

The other element that I very much liked was the way you handled the importance of modesty in a trusting relationship (and this is not simply attributable to my Catholic viewpoints on the matter.) To express this or the related notion that "lust isn't love" is certainly not commonly seen in fiction, and is another subject that I wish to delve into in the future, if possible.

As typical, your narrative prose is strongly expressive yet doesn't backlog the developments taking place in the chapter unnecessarily, you don't indulge in gaudy similes or metaphors, and the dialogue (besides its profanities; this story should certainly be given an M rating under site rules) is well-written, feeling neither awkward nor stiff.

Most of what I disliked amounted to a frequent lack of indentations between the two characters' dialogue, which somewhat confused my reading at points. Since it is made clear that this story occurs long after the fire in the Spix's Macaw Tribe, there are no geographical errors for me to point out, and it was thoughtful of you to use a lesser-known Brazilian city as the chapter's setting.

As I am assuming that this story marks Cole's first appearance, I also would have appreciated a more detailed description of his physical appearance, the sound of his voice, his periodic habits in conversation, and so on, which would all bring him further to life as a character.

With that, I highly recommend for you to continue this story, and if need be, I will do what I can to assist you in writing it.

~ OrangeMacawWorld
2/14/2022 c1 7Chris the Spix
I never really thought about a story like this. I love the idea of this. Keep up the good work I hope you contribute this.

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