for It All Starts With a Dance2/3 c4 Just William
A good chapter, a minor typo, "jealous schoollgirls", should be "jealous schoolgirls".
A good chapter, a minor typo, "jealous schoollgirls", should be "jealous schoolgirls".
11/18/2024 c23 gigamans57
Insane that they offer to pay for everything. Like there's being nice and then there's being this insanely weak pushover. Just tell them you're leaving, tell them the danger, and fuck off. So utterly unsatisfying when the Dursley's do nothing but be raging cunts for 15 years and come out profitting, for no reason and through no action of their own.
It's like stories where all the Malfoy's are out of Azkaban at the end of living the same life except at least Narcissa saved Harry's life at the end. This is somehow worse.
Insane that they offer to pay for everything. Like there's being nice and then there's being this insanely weak pushover. Just tell them you're leaving, tell them the danger, and fuck off. So utterly unsatisfying when the Dursley's do nothing but be raging cunts for 15 years and come out profitting, for no reason and through no action of their own.
It's like stories where all the Malfoy's are out of Azkaban at the end of living the same life except at least Narcissa saved Harry's life at the end. This is somehow worse.
10/2/2024 c29 TheGreengrassDilemma
I really enjoyed this, hope you get around to continuing it some day.
I really enjoyed this, hope you get around to continuing it some day.
9/26/2024 c19 Guest
My god, these last few chaps have me wanting to punch a lot of things.
Lets start from the top. The romance, while fast (which i like) was awfully executed. For example, they went on a dance, and then the next written content is a couple of dates later where they basically become official. We dont see ANY of their relationship develop, we don't see how they interact, how their characters develop, or anything else related to dating in HOGWARTS. Especially around the tri wizard tournament. It is both lacklustre and a poor attempt.
That is not to say the parts you have written were bad, they were all decent, just had practically no context, nor fit nicely within a currently non existent timeline.
Which brings me to the next major issue. The non existent timeline. You dont write about hogwarts, nor harry, nor their lives. this work is simply a chain of important events, with many others missing, most without proper context, with things happening which you don't tell us about (we have read the books or watched the movies, but WE DONT KNOW WHAT CHANGES YOU HAVE MADE IF YOU DONT BLOODY TELL US ABOUT THEM.) And even within some of the parts you do write you jump about, don’t explain things and so on. You suffer from a major case of writers omnipotence.
And then the thing which has made me want to yeet my phone into a wall as hard as i can and then keep smashing it with the heaviest object i can find. Which in some parts is a testament to your ability to write absolutely fucking insufferable characters, or maybe your ability to have such one sided thought. Who knows. The whole potter hero complex bullshit either needs removing, or proper, actual arguments made against his fucking bullcrap. Not the flimsy, wishy washy pathetic bullshit that the other characters are presenting. He needs a hard line, no bullshit approach, yet all the characters you have written basically coddle the little fucker. Get a grip.
My god, these last few chaps have me wanting to punch a lot of things.
Lets start from the top. The romance, while fast (which i like) was awfully executed. For example, they went on a dance, and then the next written content is a couple of dates later where they basically become official. We dont see ANY of their relationship develop, we don't see how they interact, how their characters develop, or anything else related to dating in HOGWARTS. Especially around the tri wizard tournament. It is both lacklustre and a poor attempt.
That is not to say the parts you have written were bad, they were all decent, just had practically no context, nor fit nicely within a currently non existent timeline.
Which brings me to the next major issue. The non existent timeline. You dont write about hogwarts, nor harry, nor their lives. this work is simply a chain of important events, with many others missing, most without proper context, with things happening which you don't tell us about (we have read the books or watched the movies, but WE DONT KNOW WHAT CHANGES YOU HAVE MADE IF YOU DONT BLOODY TELL US ABOUT THEM.) And even within some of the parts you do write you jump about, don’t explain things and so on. You suffer from a major case of writers omnipotence.
And then the thing which has made me want to yeet my phone into a wall as hard as i can and then keep smashing it with the heaviest object i can find. Which in some parts is a testament to your ability to write absolutely fucking insufferable characters, or maybe your ability to have such one sided thought. Who knows. The whole potter hero complex bullshit either needs removing, or proper, actual arguments made against his fucking bullcrap. Not the flimsy, wishy washy pathetic bullshit that the other characters are presenting. He needs a hard line, no bullshit approach, yet all the characters you have written basically coddle the little fucker. Get a grip.
6/28/2024 c27 greatmojito
Couldn't even finish this chapter. They took Blaise to Sirius? Really? Not the aurors? Fucker is a death eater and tried to kill Tracey. These people's choices are as unrealistic as the magic.
Couldn't even finish this chapter. They took Blaise to Sirius? Really? Not the aurors? Fucker is a death eater and tried to kill Tracey. These people's choices are as unrealistic as the magic.
6/24/2024 c29 Nimbus2023
So much for those more frequent updates you mentioned in the AN.
I hope you come back to this because it is an interesting story my criticisms aside. Thanks for the story and I'll keep my eye out for the next posting.
So much for those more frequent updates you mentioned in the AN.
I hope you come back to this because it is an interesting story my criticisms aside. Thanks for the story and I'll keep my eye out for the next posting.
6/23/2024 c23 Nimbus2023
Oh just let them get killed, it isn't worth the effort or money to convince the Dursleys to leave.
Oh just let them get killed, it isn't worth the effort or money to convince the Dursleys to leave.
6/23/2024 c22 Nimbus2023
You could have saved a lot of typing if you hadn't negated veritaserum testimony for the purpose of dragging this trial out for three chapters. Going by this trial and the lack of any concrete evidence, it is just as possible that Sirius actually did confund the kids and Remus before he implanted the memory of seeing Pettigrew in their minds. In a world of magic eyewitness testimony means nothing when there are spells to alter people's perceptions and potions that can bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. Obviously, the order and company know the truth but the vast population of Magical Britain does not which means Sirius will be thought of as fooling the Wizengamot by the majority of the wizarding world.
You could have saved a lot of typing if you hadn't negated veritaserum testimony for the purpose of dragging this trial out for three chapters. Going by this trial and the lack of any concrete evidence, it is just as possible that Sirius actually did confund the kids and Remus before he implanted the memory of seeing Pettigrew in their minds. In a world of magic eyewitness testimony means nothing when there are spells to alter people's perceptions and potions that can bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. Obviously, the order and company know the truth but the vast population of Magical Britain does not which means Sirius will be thought of as fooling the Wizengamot by the majority of the wizarding world.