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57m c75 1OhJustReadIt
Good chapter, but can someone give me a quick summary of wtf is going on with ginny? I seem to have forgotten that part of the plot.
5h c75 2Neoacoya1
How does Lily (and Helena) know about Blast-Ended Skrewts? Didn't Hagrid illegally breed those in the future from Manticores and Fire Crabs?
2/19 c1 CHILD PORN
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2/18 c73 1Joe Lawyer
The "Butt Bandits" made me choke laughing, i laughed so damn hard.
2/14 c73 Mikeblade
never knew voldy even met dumbles butt buddy before let alone was his student.
2/10 c73 Reviewer
From a smut fic, you’ve managed to give battle scenes as good as anything in the hp fandom. This fic is genuinely really special.
2/11 c31 Maitre Inquisiteur
I know this is a porn with plot story, but I realy can not understand why the death eaters would ever attack a place where there own children are at the moment of the attack. Amazing story by the way.
2/9 c73 1TheGreatBubbaJ
Did Draco burn to death, or just half to death I wonder.
2/3 c72 TheGreatBubbaJ
Tom was quick on that snatch and grab.
2/1 c46 TheThoughtless
This story is one of the best stories ever wasted. For a smut story it’s solid, for a power fantasy it’s garbage, for a serious plot heavy story, it has very interesting ideas but routinely fails at every point. For world building? It’s actually excellent but considering a world doesn’t matter if nothing ever happens or makes sense it still fails. As all of them at once? It’s a disappointment.

You start the story, it’s a little dark for my tastes but it’s palatable, especially so considering the interesting idea. Narcissa dominated in a single chapter, why? Because that’s how the power system works, harry wont ever train, he won’t ever study, he won’t ever politic even slightly successfully, but… if he has sex with a girl and inseminates her. He’s stronger he can challenge Voldemort, even Dumbledore (who apparently is literally Merlin btw, the only one of the three not augmenting their apparently meager abilities with half dozen or in toms case hundreds of people).

Flash forward actually no. That was a lie, the entire premise of the story built on sand, actually it can only be used when they’re close for… reasons.
It’s also never used, oh my god I’m 45 chapters in hundreds of thousands of words (and I skimmed the rest btw) and by 45 he’s used the ability exactly once, with Hannah. The only person he bonded who was specifically stated to be just for sex, because she didn’t have any meaningful reserves or power to give him.

Susan was introduced (and focused on for literally dozens of discussions, decisions, chapters) in maybe the first two chapters, by 71 she is still not a part of his group, this man is simultaneously a magical Casanova and also the least able pick up artist in the written universe, he has spent so little time attempting to better himself for the express purpose of bedding this women or other equally useless endeavors and he hasn’t even succeeded in the time it takes to write an original novel and build a satisfying world then end it.

To continue the above point this man has nearly died, as in been moments or decisions from death (and literally survives on sheer plot luck (not a complaint about the luck itself just pointing it out for his motivation)) and then goes right back to deciding to prevent himself from growing stronger, his childish ego is actually insane, this character is not a person, he only makes decisions to better create plot points, I will elaborate on this.

Harry always does things alone, this is not problematic, but as soon as Voldemort is setting up a trap for him what does he do? He brings Hannah, who I will once again establish is literally just their to be pretty and get her friend interested in him (it failed btw, utterly and totally) he brings her with him as COMBAT backup, not anyone who may make sense, okay it’s dumb, characters can make dumb decisions but if this decision is noticeably dumb and kinda out of character, and it’s immediately punished, because of course it is. And there are noticeable long term changes (at least at the time, they are later wiped away, but I bet every reader didn’t forget, and I know some commenters certainly noticed as well)

He needs to be stronger, he’s just had his first run in with someone his initial power boost didn’t really help him with, he knows he’s outmatched and he’s scared, what does he do? He go’s back to playing with girls, deliberately not marking them (Hermione is acceptable, because of a clear fear he had, their are problems with her though I’ll go into), not working on himself, hmming and hahhhing like he knows HE is the protagonist and his literal life and world is not at stake, he will win eventually and he can keep his hands clean (he doesn’t actually care about this, it’s pretty weird he’s simultaneously can’t imagine overstepping anything and also doesn’t care about any boundary, really builds up reader frustration).

There are literally dozens of chapters focusing on girls primarily with no actual change in circumstance, maybe they’ll give him a blowjob, but everyone is simultaneously the biggest slut there has literally ever been (Susan literally got naked and almost fucked him like chapter 2, but is somehow immune to him since then, despite literally hundreds of reasons as to why he’s beneficial to her and her attraction, and blah blah blah) and the biggest prude, for some unexplainable important Magic made by Morgana herself, Purebloods can’t give their virginity (through vaginal) unless Harry marries them, which “coincidentally” is the only way he can mark them to get stronger. This is literally the crux of the entire story and oh my god on just daphne and Susan he will fight Voldemort multiple times, Tracey multiple times, Draco multiple times, spend dozens of chapters, politic an obscene amount, literally choose to marry one, decide not to tell them so he can continue cucking himself, almost die x 5, literally go back in time, deal with a mad woman (who literally will erase his and everyone else’s existence if he doesn’t stop her literally as fast as possible and he’s like “nah I’m fine with turning her, I just need to slow play it so it takes literally 40 chapters minimum and she has to be minister of magic, she doesn’t know this will change her btw, she’s just randomly a prude despite not having acted like it ever in the story)

Hermione gets kidnapped in this story, Harry is given a Dark Knight esque save everyone or just your loved one idea, and predictably for a “hero” he chose hermione, and was tricked into saving Susan, never seen that before (actually worked pretty well in story honestly, but it’s clearly a cliche and it leads to more which is why I’m frustrated), this leads into a rescue but, only after Voldemort learns Harry hasn’t bonded her for… reasons (these ones actually make some sense to be fair, still frustrating given the overall story) except he didn’t want that, and Harry conveniently doesn’t question it, and actually it was so Voldemort could try and defame Harry (and his friends!)using poly juice potions, this is somehow a thing that has never happened in magical Britain (literally Mad eye moody btw) and they have no way to screen for it, and Harry just so happens to be away (and dumbledore is also away of course just like every other time, and Harry’s companions can’t come because of a shoe horned reason… just like every other time… and… and… you get how things work once then occur repeatedly becoming more frustrating over time, I’ll talk about that more as well later). So Harry is alone again and he has to stop pretty clear death eaters (or fake hogwarts students), how anyone would think it wasn’t Voldemort is beyond me, the dude has been defied by him and publicly pushed back, I wonder if he might want revenge or something. And Amelia kills herself (she’s part of the Susan Bones side plot) Susan is important but only because we are told she is, she’s actually just kind of rude, and judgemental, and manipulative, but apparently she’s important to him because politics which he’s spent no actual time on in this story, it’s there it’s just background at best)
Anyways Amelia dies, she has to (for the plot) and Harry has to fight through time itself, and then Voldemort is back and he’s showing off, and Harry pulls some bs that barely works and now he’s simultaneously back in time and Amelia is back (of course) but she’s an antagonist and he’s finally willing to stop someone but oh… wait that would be too easy so instead he says no and now she’s wary and won’t fuck him because she’s horny all the time and he’s magically charismatic but that doesn’t make an entire hard to read barely focused on secondary plot that spans 40 chapters.

If you forgot the above point ALL of that came from Harry not bonding Hermione, or you could say all of it came from Harry lacking any ability to be proactive, everyone else is a mover and shaker, he just impresses people and fails to get teenagers that already want to fuck him to do so.

Voldemort (an actually smart character) is actually omniscient btw because somehow he figured out Harry did something essentially impossible randomly, using the least amount of data anyone has ever seen, and has/will use it to gain power unlike Harry, he will then likely lose eventually anyways.

Back to Harry’s flaws, he goes to France to get Fleur, she is a tease but after a bs duel started because of a “veela princess” an oc that is literally the least likable women in existence (trust me, when you know, you know) Fleur drugs and blows Harry (she can’t fuck him… of course she can’t Virginities are special to Veela, like purebloods, but they’re not because within a couple of chapters Fleur doesn’t give a fuck about that rule anymore, and it’s Harry who has decided Fleur needs to beg and change even though she would have anyways after the bond so it’s literally just wasting time and resources). He passes out but fucks her mom, cool, kinda dumb the only time food is talked about (outside of Narcissa, who as an actual bonded is one of the few characters not fucking literally everything up) is Harry letting himself be poisoned for plot (Fleur drugging him is acceptable, after that, he should literally never let it happen again and he does it at hogwarts of all places, where he knows followers of his enemy literally plot against him, why? Plot)

Harry has an entire side thing with Daphne green grass who he conquered essentially within minutes of meeting her but the “they act like it never happened” after literally ever y encounter, and Harry NEEDS her because reasons and her fathers help even though this is never shown, and as soon as he agrees to marry her, wasting all of our time on the foreplay (it is enjoyable as a read but you get the point, he failed) her father isn’t enough, the vague malfoy money is being lost partially anyways, so it solved nothing and the Malfoy stuff is still kinda his, kinda not, and either way entirely irrelevant to plot because it’s not been explicitly more useful then his own funds potentially even once.

I won’t over explain the rest as I just did a once over skim of some trying to find a reason to continue but there’s also all of these plot points, none of them are finished as far as I know:

Voldemort is successful in all endeavors (routinely getting dozens more death eaters constantly, magical Britain is not big enough for the amount of people voldemort has cannon fodder) gets stronger faster than Harry despite already being stronger (killing his dark marks makes him stronger, how delightful, Harry’s bond has nearly no benefit asides from brain washing them into loving him, he just gets free guilt with every new girl)

Male Veela sideplot

Veela kingdom (linked to above, not the same imo) he does not gain from this plot at all, also his dick gets cut off if you’re squeamish

Katie bell

Whore-crux

Apparently a murder mystery

Ginny got brainwashed again

Tracey can’t get over daphne, Harry doesn’t want her, won’t kill her either x2

Draco doesn’t ever just turn a new leaf (seriously I have never seen someone have Draco turn a new leaf when he’s not a primary antagonist, he is always just a pathetic lackey they joke on) x2

Bellatrix

Other 1980’s women he can’t bang (where have I heard that before) but will focus on at the expense of literally everything else in a literal arms race he is losing

A black mailer

China and India

Daphne is bonded but somehow that makes her less useful (somehow) she is also now racist apparently.

Typing on mobile is murder for formatting and proofreading so my bad readability.
All in all I actually think this dudes a good writer and I get that the grind is for his P word writing, but damn dude, frustration and creating conflict for no reason (especially when your character never seems to solve his problems just make more) can be really frustrating. No hate but I know this story could have been great, I had 45 chapters to read in one go, I can’t imagine what the people reading a chapter a week feel.

Honestly I’m going to keep a look out on this author, and I may even skim some of the chapters in the future (he really is a good writer, just has some consistent repeated choices I would consider to be flaws).
1/28 c71 TheGreatBubbaJ
Now comes a cat out of the bag. And right after the lad has resolved to take a firm hand too.
1/24 c70 Dale
You have a great imagination! And your story is smashing good stuff.
Cheers
1/26 c71 shirousagi87
I feel bad for daphne, for once she was punished for someting she didnt do
1/23 c70 Shane Falco
A fight to the finish! Awesomeness.
1/23 c70 Delena-burns
Very good.
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