for Commander's Expedition (Originated and ported from Wattpad)2/26 c15 Rookie231
A very funny chapter, a guy that dosent has been with to many girls and now is surrounded by the most beautiful ones, it is just logical that he is nervous (great the John part where he admits he is married, good development)
The last part with the pillow fight is perfect for endig a more relaxed chappter, the writting was good and the pace was very well timed for the party, congratulations, ill be around for more of your chapters
A very funny chapter, a guy that dosent has been with to many girls and now is surrounded by the most beautiful ones, it is just logical that he is nervous (great the John part where he admits he is married, good development)
The last part with the pillow fight is perfect for endig a more relaxed chappter, the writting was good and the pace was very well timed for the party, congratulations, ill be around for more of your chapters
12/24/2022 c13 Rookie231
Well i think that keeping the diferent calls for commander is good to represent the diferences beetwen factions
In my personal opinion this chapter is well written but sometimes enterprise vs orochi feel a little bit Quick some lack in the exploration in the battle itself, but probably is only my perfectionism vein poping out, great chapter anyway
Well i think that keeping the diferent calls for commander is good to represent the diferences beetwen factions
In my personal opinion this chapter is well written but sometimes enterprise vs orochi feel a little bit Quick some lack in the exploration in the battle itself, but probably is only my perfectionism vein poping out, great chapter anyway
12/23/2022 c1 
4Jerry.the pluto lover
so they recruit a person who has no experience and from what I read the previous commander had no prior experience.
watpad at it finest.
4Jerry.the pluto loverso they recruit a person who has no experience and from what I read the previous commander had no prior experience.
watpad at it finest.
11/6/2022 c12 Rookie231
Good work the battle looks cohesive, maybe a little bit chaotic with the changes in POV but thats someting good, and the question of kaga is an interesting one, lest hope it can be answered soon
Good work the battle looks cohesive, maybe a little bit chaotic with the changes in POV but thats someting good, and the question of kaga is an interesting one, lest hope it can be answered soon
9/21/2022 c10 Rookie231
*two commanders in a row* that position is dangerous XD
Anyway, great writting, maybe rushed the kidnap part, but the chapter did end in a good way
*two commanders in a row* that position is dangerous XD
Anyway, great writting, maybe rushed the kidnap part, but the chapter did end in a good way
7/18/2022 c3 4Jagermiester
Recommend replacing founded with just found, the other word suggests that you established something
4JagermiesterRecommend replacing founded with just found, the other word suggests that you established something
7/18/2022 c1 Jagermiester
Might suggest a few minor edits with the use of certain words and a bit of a spell check on others, but so far seems to hold a bit of promise.
Might suggest a few minor edits with the use of certain words and a bit of a spell check on others, but so far seems to hold a bit of promise.